It’s hot . . . hotter than hot. Butter-melting-on-a-hot-plate hot.
She introduces someone, although I can hardly see him. “This is Diego.” I think it’s a teenage boy.
He takes my big goofy paw. “This way.” He leads me along.
Kids start to scream. I can hardly see what’s going on out there. I stumble and fall and land on my hands and knees. “What the hell are you doing, Diego?” I yell.
“Oops, sorry,” he says as he helps me up.
Kids are screaming and yelling and clamoring around me. Where are the parents?
I hear a phone ring, and Diego drops my hand. “Just a minute,” he says.
“What do you mean, just a minute?” Kids bunch around me, yelling and trying to hug my legs. I subtly push them off me. “Don’t,” I tell them. “Calm down.”
Through my tunnel vision, I see Diego talking on the phone, totally distracted.
“Get off the phone,” I snap.
He rolls his eyes and turns his back to me.
Fucker.
I feel a swift kick to my shin, and I look down to see a boy. He’s about six. “Watch it,” I warn him.
He kicks me again, and I gently push him away.
A million kids swarm around me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this suit is hotter than Satan’s asshole.
I’m dripping with perspiration. There’s no air in this thing. I can’t breathe.
Help.
I look back over to Diego. What is that fucker doing?
I feel something being wedged up my ass. “Ahh.” I turn around to see that same kid who was kicking me before. “Fuck off, kid,” I yell. I push him hard, and he goes flying back.
He stands, infuriated. Then he charges me. I push him back. “Diego,” I yell.
Diego is still facing the other way, and he holds his hand up in a coming signal.
The kid pushes me again, and I stumble back but catch myself. He comes at me again and kicks me up the ass, and I snap. I grab him around the throat with my paws. “Leave me alone,” I growl. “Diego,” I cry. “We have a situation.”
Another kid jumps on my back and starts punching the bear head, and then another one and another one, and I stagger around with ten kids on each leg. “Get off me, you fuckers,” I cry with my hands around the first kid’s neck. He escapes and punches me right in the balls, and I snap.
I rip the bear head off. “Diego. Get off the fucking phone,” I yell.
The kids all scream and run for cover.
“You!” I scream to the devil child. “Where is your mother?”
I hear a voice. “You’re fired.” I turn to see the tyrant, hands on hips, looking furious.
“You can’t fire me, because I quit,” I yell. I drop-kick the bear head into the crowd, and the kids all scream. “And I pissed in your suit,” I yell.
Not really . . . but in hindsight I should have.
I storm over to Diego and snatch his phone. “Get me out of this suit before I strangle you!”
HAYDEN
“You did great today, Hayden.” Maria, my new boss, smiles. “See you tomorrow?”
“Thanks.” I smile. “I had a great first day.” And I did too. This job is a dream.
I walk out the front doors and into the street, and I see a man standing on the sidewalk in the shadows, and my step falters. It’s midnight, not the time when people are just standing around.
I hear a familiar voice. “It’s me, Grumps.”
“Christopher.” I frown. “What are you doing here?” I ask.
“I came to walk you home.”
“That wasn’t necessary.”
He holds something out for me.
“What’s this?”
“I brought your cardigan. It’s cool.”
Oh.