I laugh out loud as I am spun around. It’s our last night in San Sebastián, and we are celebrating in style.
We have sunned, swum, and laughed our way through the week. Sightseeing through the day and dancing the night away until we drop into an unconscious sleep in the early hours of the morning. If this is what the next twelve months look like, then sign me up. I’ve never had so much fun.
The new friends I’ve met are hilarious, and weirdly, it feels like a little family already. We all do our own thing but always look out for each other and end up safely back in the same room at the end of each night.
Rod Stewart’s song “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” blares through the speakers, and Christopher spins me out and then pulls my body back to his as we dance. My stomach hurts from laughing.
This man . . . this beautiful man.
He’s funny and smart and weirdly obsessed with factual literature. We’ve spent the whole week together . . . it’s been perfect.
If the truth be told, I’m quite enamored of him. Not that I will ever admit it.
He isn’t the kind of man I could let myself fall for. I already know how it would end.
I would lose my friend, one that I’ve become very attached to.
I see the women he looks at and talks to. They’re the complete opposite of me. He likes thin; I’m curvy. He likes supermodel high-maintenance types. I’m simple. He likes flirty and fun, and I’m quiet and shy. He likes promiscuous, and I haven’t had sex in a really long time.
Too long.
Wherever he is, he’s the center of attention. Everyone wants to be with him, and yet here’s me, wanting to blend in with the walls.
Chalk and cheese.
We couldn’t be more different.
The reality of it sucks, because we have this weird unstated connection. We’re touchy with each other and always end up at the back of the pack, talking between the two of us.
He cuddles my back in bed, and I rely on him more than I should.
But I know that would all come crashing to an end if something ever happened between us. I would instantly become one of the groupies he fucks and not his treasured friend.
I couldn’t hold a man like Christopher Miles-not for long, anyway.
And while I silently dream of what it would be like to be with someone like him . . . I know I can’t even entertain the idea.
I’m still not over my last heartbreak, and it’s been two years. If it happens again, I know I’ll be a spinster for life. I came on this trip to get over heartbreak, not start a new one. But Christopher is my friend. I know I can trust him to be just that.
He spins me again, and I laugh out loud.
“Let’s go swimming.” He smiles.
“Now?” I gasp. “It’s three o’clock in the morning.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What about sharks?”
“Sharks are the least of your worries,” he replies as he pulls me out of the bar by the hand.
Five minutes later we are on the beach, and he takes his shirt off over his head and strips down to his boxers.
Oh crap . . .
He wades out into the darkened water and turns back toward me. “Come on, Grumps.” He splashes the water up at me. “The water’s beautiful.”
“I don’t have a swimsuit.”
“So?”
I look up and down the beach. There are people everywhere.
“Stop being so uptight.”
He’s right. I am too uptight, and I want to change that about myself. I don’t like being like this.
Oh god . . .
I wade into the water, desperately wanting to go in.
“Come on,” he calls. “I want you to come swimming with me, that’s all.”
That’s all.
Right . . . I can do this.
Fuck . . .
“Turn around,” I call.
“What?” He laughs. “I’ve seen you in your underwear a million times.”
“Just turn around.”
He turns and faces out to sea, and I grab the hem of my dress and lift it over my head. I look down at myself. I have a black matching bra-and-panties set on.
Thank fucking god.
I wade into the water as I look around. “If I get eaten by a shark,” I call.
“I’ll save you.” He swims toward me.
“You’re supposed to be looking the other way,” I call.
“Da na . . . da na . . . da na . . .” He begins to sing the Jaws music as he swims toward me.
“Stop it,” I cry.
He picks me up and hurls me into the air, and I land in the water and go under deep. “Ahh,” I cry as I come up. “You idiot.” I look around in a panic. “You’re waking up the sharks.”
He picks me up again and hurls us both into the water with his arms tightly around me.
We surface, still arm in arm.
The air between us changes, and he stares down at me. Body to body, alone in the darkness.
His brow furrows as if confused as we stare at each other. In slow motion he lifts his thumb and dusts it over my bottom lip.
“Kiss me,” he whispers.
I want to.
“Chris . . .”
“I just . . .” He takes my face in his hands as he stares down at me. Our bodies are so close I can feel his erection as it grows up against my stomach.
“We can’t,” I murmur.
“Why not?”
“Because I value what we have.”
“It won’t change a thing.”
“It will change everything.”
He stares at me, his chest rising and falling in the darkness. “Why?”
“Because I will end up with a broken heart, and you will end up feeling like shit about it.”
He stares at me, and I know that he knows that I’m right.
“You don’t want something permanent, and I don’t want something casual.” I smile up at him as I cup his face in my hand. “But that’s okay . . .” I pull him into a hug. “I like what we have already.”
“Blue balls?”
I giggle. “Go find someone else to take care of your balls.”
“Or I could just drown you for knocking me back.” He grabs for me, and I squeal as I try to get away from him. He picks me up and throws me high into the air again. “Come and get her, sharks,” he yells. “Teach her a lesson.”
I laugh out loud as I cough and splutter.
He swims to me and takes my hands in his as we stand facing each other. “Promise me something,” he says.
“Okay.”
“In ten years, on this day, no matter where we are in the world, no matter who we are married to, we will meet on this beach at this time and take a swim together in the dark.”
My eyes well with tears, because damn it, that’s romantic for a goodbye.
“I promise.”
He pulls me into a hug, and we stand in the water in each other’s arms.
Regretful but grateful for the honesty between us.
I smile as a thought comes to me. “My husband won’t like you, though.”
He laughs out loud and throws me into the air again. “That’s ’cause I’m going to steal you off him.”