“What?” I jump from the bed. “No way, no way in fucking hell.” He has to be pulling my chain.
Wait, does he know it’s me?
I sit back down at my computer and put my hand over my mouth as I think.
How could this be happening?
He set it up, yes, that’s it.
But then . . . how? I wouldn’t even know how to set this up and I’m the IT specialist.
“Does he know?”
I think for a moment; okay, set a trap to find out for sure.
Yes, that’s it.
I sit cross-legged on my bed and pull my hair up into a high ponytail as I prepare for battle.
If he writes something nice . . . I’ll know that he knows it’s me and is attempting to be smooth.
Okay . . . I hold my fingers at the keyboard.
I think for a moment, then I write:
What kind of crush?
I wait for his reply . . . no answer.
Hmm. I reword it.
Are you hoping for a grand love affair?
The dots reappear.
The horizontal kind.
No grand love affair, she isn’t my type.
I’m a garbologist remember, I have dirty things on my mind.
I smile in relief. Fuck-face . . . you aren’t good enough for me, anyway.
I reply:
And what does this girl do at your garbage depot?
It bounces back.
She cleans the toilets.
I laugh out loud. You wish, fucker.
A toilet cleaner isn’t dirty enough?
No.
What are you looking for-hot, smart, sexy?
I bite my thumbnail as I wait for his reply; why I care about this answer I have no clue.
I’m looking for extraordinary.
I frown.
And when I meet her, I will know.
I raise my eyebrow and type again:
How?
I believe in love at first sight, when our eyes meet. We will both know.
And that will be it.
I bite my bottom lip as his words roll around in my head.
You’re a romantic?
His reply bounces back.
Hopelessly.
I smile softly.
And Kate, your toilet cleaner . . . what about her?
Is going to get it good.
I’ll ruin her for life.
I laugh out loud as I type:
What does she think about this?
She doesn’t know yet, but she’s into me, I can tell.
“Poor bastard.” I smirk. “You’re so deluded.”
How can you tell?
I sip my tea.
Men know these things.
Also, she looked at my dick the other day in my office.
I choke on my tea and it splatters over the computer screen.
“What? I did not,” I whisper. “You’re dreaming.” Another message comes in from him.
What about you, any luck with those pick-up lines?
Hmm, I don’t want to sound like a loser, so I lie.
Yes, I have a date on Saturday night.
Well, good luck.
I hope it goes well for you.
I stare at his words on the screen. This is so surreal.
Me too.
I’m turning in.
Goodnight, Ed.
A few minutes later a reply comes back.
Goodnight, Pinkie.
Xoxo
“What?” Rebecca frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean it’s him,” I reply. “Edgar Moffatt is Elliot Miles under an alias.”
“Oh, bullshit.” Daniel frowns too as he snatches my phone from me to read my and Ed’s messages. “You mean to tell me that of all the people in the world, you are messaging your boss and he thinks you’re someone else?”
“Yes.”
I’m out to dinner with Rebecca and Daniel and we are dissecting the latest turn of events.
Daniel reads the messages between Ed and I. “I don’t fucking believe this,” he whispers.
“I know.” I widen my eyes to accentuate my point.
Rebecca holds her hand out for the phone and I take it from Daniel and pass it to her. She reads the messages.
“So,” Daniel says as he raises his glass of wine my way, “Elliot Miles has a crush on you.”
I roll my eyes.
“The horizontal kind.” Rebecca laughs as she gets to that bit.
“And he’s not looking for hot,” Daniel says.
Rebecca puts her hand over her heart. “Oh . . . he’s looking for extraordinary.”
“Oh please,” I scoff. “He only wants to get his dick wet.”
Rebecca winces. “Ewww.”
“Well . . . it’s true,” I spit. “He only wants to have sex with me.”
“And . . . the problem is?” says Daniel.
“I’m not into casual sex.” I straighten my back to sound more convincing.
“Oh yes you are,” Rebecca chimes in. “What about Heath, you two fucked like rabbits for months without a care in the world.”
“That was Heath, he doesn’t count.”
“Why not?”
“Because he had just got out of a relationship, we were rebound fucking.” I sip my wine. “That’s different.”
Daniel screws his face up in disgust. “You would actually rather have blah rebound sex with Heath, than hot and steamy with sex god Elliot Miles?”
“He’s my boss,” I scoff.
“All the better. Ask for a raise while you’re giving him head. Get a two-for-one bonus.”
We all giggle.