At some point, my worry changed from my recovery to his. As much damage as my body had incurred, the injuries he sustained emotionally may have been even worse. He never let up, never took a break, never left at all. He even showered in the private bath connected to my room with the door open… just in case I needed something.
His parents, Virgil, Laura, Francis, and Geoffrey all had whispering conversations with him, trying to get him to at least go outside for a breath of fresh air. He took the items they brought him from home and ignored their suggestions. There came a point when I couldn’t stand it any longer. It hurt to watch him wearing himself down.
“Nicholas?”
His face was a mask of concentration as he massaged my legs, lifting them and bending my knee over and over. “Hmm?”
“You need to get out of here for a couple of hours. Go on a drive. Go to the gym. Anything.”
He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m not leaving you.”
“It wouldn’t be leaving me. It would just be taking a little break. You need a break.”
“I’m fine. We’ll be out of here soon.”
“Nicholas!” I said sharply, waiting for him to look at me. “You’re acting crazy and it isn’t healthy.” I sighed at the hurt on his face and softened my tone. “Please, would you do this for me? Go do something for yourself for a little bit. I’m not going to magically run a marathon tomorrow, so we have a long way to go, and I’m going to need you. You won’t be doing either of us any good if you keep this up. You’re exhausted and worn down.”
He placed my leg back on the bed, moved a chair, and sat down next to me. The pained expression on his face when he lifted his head again made my stomach twist. “I don’t want to leave you.”
Normally those words would have made me deliriously happy. But not like this. Not when they were partially driven by something other than needing me and loving me. It was suddenly clear to me what was happening. He felt guilty.
I reached over, stroking his scruffy cheek with my palm. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”
He didn’t answer, instead closing his eyes and leaning into my touch. “Look at me.”
I waited until his pretty green was focused on me again. “It wasn’t your fault. It was Rosemary’s. It’s not possible for you to control everything or everyone, so stop blaming yourself for this. You can’t be attached to my side every second. We can’t live like that.”
He was already protective of me before, I couldn’t even imagine what was going to happen now.
“I shouldn’t have let go of your hand.”
I shook my head. “Then she would have found a different way. It’s her fault. She did this, not you.”
He stood and leaned over me, his fingers brushing my face before he gave me a kiss. I knew he was avoiding the topic, but perhaps he just needed more time. I let myself enjoy having him close, and ignored the big, fat elephant in the room.
This close I could see his eyes. Smell his skin. Taste his lips.
“Knock, knock.” Nicholas and I both turned our heads toward the door, finding Virgil there with an apologetic grin on his face. “Sorry to interrupt.”
Nicholas groaned and sat back down, but I smiled and waved for him to come in, a brilliant idea forming in my head.
“It’s great that you stopped by. You can hang out with me while Nicholas runs some errands. I need to talk to you anyway.”
Virgil nod. “Sure, no problem.”
Nicholas glared at him before turning his gaze my way. “I thought we just talked about this?”
“We did. We agreed you were going to get out of here for a couple of hours. For me.”
Our stare-off lasted a couple of minutes, and it was fascinating to watch the emotions cross his face. Anger, hurt, guilt, love, worry, and maybe a bit of relief. He was keeping so much bottled up again.