We sat there in silence for a few minutes, but it wasn’t awkward. It was peaceful. “How many different homes do you have?”
He chuckled. “I guess we haven’t really discussed all the financials, have we? That’s something we need to do. If anything ever happened to me, it would all go to you.”
I twisted around and stared at him, my stomach dropping at his words. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I’m only saying that you and our children would always be taken care of, no matter what.”
Tears sprung from my eyes again. The thought of not having Nicholas was too much to bear. “Stop saying that!”
He frowned and brushed under my eyes with his thumb. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I turned my back to him again and took a deep breath. How could I make him understand?
“Nicholas, I gave you my heart. I didn’t want to, but it happened. I never wanted to love anyone again. I almost felt like I was cursed as a child because those I loved were always taken from me.” I tried to swallow my tears and be strong. “But now you have my whole heart and if anything happened to you… it would end me too. Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand what I meant when I said I was frantic looking for you the other day or how crushed I was when you told me to leave you?”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, hugging me tightly.
“I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to tell me you’ll never leave me.”
I didn’t care that I was asking him for something impossible. The alternative wasn’t something I could accept at the moment.
“I can only promise that I don’t plan to go anywhere. Wherever you are is where I’ll be. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We sat there wrapped up with each other until the fire died down, knowing our love was all we could be assured of and control right now. Any other promises were just tempting fate.
“Aren’t you bored?”
He looked around the quad, his eyes always peeled for trouble. I would have rolled mine, but he took it all so seriously.
It had been two weeks of Virgil being my constant shadow.
Two weeks of nothing new happening. No letters, no stalkers, no threats. Two weeks of no sex.
When we had gotten home from birthday weekend, Nicholas had given me two choices: have Virgil by my side or drop out of classes. Although I knew it came from a place of concern, it pissed me off that he gave me such an ultimatum.
We had our first real fight… at least one where we were both angry and shouting at each other. I knew he was worried, but I didn’t like him telling me what I was going to do. Unless it was in the bedroom.
Bedroom. Bed. Sex.
I was losing my mind. I was the one denying him, but it felt like I was the one being punished. And it wasn’t like I wanted to purposely use sex as a weapon. It wasn’t that at all. maybe a little. But I hated the thought of that. It was more my anger at his actions that made me not want to be with him that way.
At first.
Now my anger, mixed with my hormones, made me want to straddle him every second of every day. I was just waiting on him to concede a little tiny bit that he was wrong in forcing my hand. It was frustrating that he couldn’t understand my side of things. He thought he was right, and to him, that meant the end of the discussion.
Thus I had every right to leave him cold in return.
Unfortunately, my subconscious didn’t agree with me. We fell asleep every night, each of us on our own side of the bed, but woke up every morning tangled together in the middle.
With Cocky Junior poking all different parts of my body.
That made it even more difficult for me to keep my hands off. Plus, with the pregnancy, I had never been so horny before. My body craved sex just from the thought of Nicholas inside me.
But I had to prove a point. It was the principle of the matter. I didn’t want to be a doormat, and Nicholas needed to learn not to treat me like a child. Even if I acted like one at times.
I wanted to protect our baby as much as he did, but I wanted my input to be heard in the decision-making. He didn’t have the right to control everything.
“No, I’m not bored,” Virgil answered, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I sighed and tilted my face up, enjoying the sunlight during my break between classes. Fall had arrived just in time for October. The air was crisp, but it was perfect sweater and jeans weather.
“How’s the studying going?”
I turned back toward him and shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
Midterms were coming up, but I felt comfortable with all the material. Even if I no longer had anybody to study with.
The curious looks I had gotten at the beginning of the semester from other students were nothing compared to what I was going through now. All I received were stares and whispers. It wasn’t surprising considering I was the only student with a bodyguard roaming around campus.
Even Melody and Haven were ignoring me.
It hurt my feelings, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. This wasn’t really the college experience I had been hoping for, but I wouldn’t have changed anything about my life outside of school. I loved Nicholas completely, even if I was mad at him.
“You shouldn’t be angry with him, you know.”
I narrowed my eyes. Was he reading my thoughts? “Why not?”
“Because he’s out of his mind worried about you. I guarantee he would be right here by your side, instead of me, if it wouldn’t cause even more of a scene than I do.”
I snorted. He was right about that. It would be quite the uproar if the Nicholas Rowe escorted me around.
“Besides,” he added, “I’m not so bad to hang out with, am I?”
I smiled and sighed again. “No. I just wish I could have a normal experience.”