CHAPTER 37- A kiss goodbye
I have been watching Eli at night the whole week. He is a great kid. It is getting me used to having a kid around. I don’t mind.
I have been avoiding both men all week. Hunter still insists on holding my hand in fifth period. I don’t mind. It calms me a little. He doesn’t try to talk to me yet, to which I am grateful. Christian still tries to get my attention. He does little things like making sure I am seated next to him at dinner. Pulling out my chair. He is being nothing but a gentleman, but I still see the fact that he tried to cover for Hunter.
Christian is due to leave tomorrow. As a consideration I agree to go for a walk with him. He takes us out past the clearing and on the edge of the woods. “I wanted to have some time alone with you. I know that you are still mad at me. I am hoping that we can look past this.”
I sigh, “There is just far more to consider now. I am sorry that I don’t have the answer that you want.”
“You mean because you are pregnant?” I stop walking. How the hell did he know? Did Selene tell him? She promised that she wouldn’t. He chuckles. “Did you think that Selene was the only one that could smell it? I figured it out. Plus I saw you spending a lot of time with her. I figured she was giving you pointers. It only added to the idea I had.” He takes my hand. “It doesn’t change things for me. I still want you to be my mate.”
“It changes things for me. How can I even consider being with someone when I will have a baby from someone else?” I sigh but let him lead me on the walk.
“I don’t mind. It won’t be any different than you raising Eli. I just want a chance.” He sounds like he is pleading.
“Christian, I can’t answer that right now. I need time to figure all this out. Right now I am just trying to grasp this mom thing. I will worry about the dad part later.”
He gets a smile. “That is not a no. I will be back in three weeks. I am hoping to spend more time with you then. Maybe you will have a different answer for me.” He pulls my hand so that I am in front of him. “For now, I want a parting gift. I know you are pissed at me, but it is a request.”
I shy away from him. “What do you want?”
He slides his hands around my waist and pulls me closer. “I want a kiss from you. One without you pushing away from me. Just a parting gift, no strings attached. It isn’t a commitment thing.”
“No commitment. That sounds ridiculous.” I am pulling away from him.
“Please.” He looks pleadingly into my eyes.
“Fine…” I go to say more, but his lips are on mine. I relent and don’t push him away. I even find myself kissing him back. At least we are compatible like this. I still don’t have the feelings for him that I do for Hunter. He curls his arms around my back bringing me closer. I find my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss myself. It is nice to feel this wanted, I want someone to want me. To need me.
Before I have another thought he has my back against a tree and is pulling my legs around his waist. This is an even deeper kiss than I had thought would happen. “Jasmine, you are exactly what I need.” He kisses and groans into my mouth. His hands slide under my shirt. Earning him a moan, he smiles on my lips. “That’s what I wanted to hear. My new favorite sound.”
I manage to pull my head back. “Christian, I need to stop.”
He moans slightly but listens. He pulls back just a little, still pinning me to the tree. “I will stop but I am having so much fun.” Christian smiles at me.
“Regardless, this was no commitment, remember.” He sighs and puts me down. “Thank you. I will need to pick up Eli from Selene. He is sad it is his last night with me.”
“I am disappointed too. Look, you have two guys who will miss you.”
I scoff, “Yeah, I am a regular centerfold.”
“You’re even better.” He takes my hand again, walking me back to the pack house.
HUNTER’S P. O. V.
I have been watching for a while. She seems to like being around him. She doesn’t push him away like she does with me. Granted she didn’t catch him with another woman. Still I don’t like how close together they are. Now here I am watching them kissing. He pushes her up against a tree and I want to charge him. She is mine, he needs to get his hands off. It is taking everything I have to control myself, then I see her tell him to stop. He still holds her hand as he walks her back to the pack house. There is no part of me that doesn’t want to rip him apart.
I have to shift and run this off. Or I will not be held responsible for my actions. Stripping down and shifting, I ran hard and didn’t stop until I could hardly breathe. I want her like my own breath. I trot to the spot by the creek that I mostly go to to think about her. I can’t stop really. She has consumed all of me.
Somehow I make it back to my clothes and then the pack house. She is still all I can think about. Instead of stopping at my room I keep going all the way to hers. I haven’t come by in several days so I doubt she will push me away. I give the door a soft knock, in case she is already asleep. I hear shuffling inside, good she isn’t asleep.
She opens the door wide. When she sees me her face falls. I don’t know who she was expecting but it wasn’t me. “Hunter…” I don’t let her finish. I can’t hold back any longer, it has been a week since her lips have been on mine. I grab her face and pull her to me. Kissing her with everything that I have. She isn’t pushing away, she is kissing me back.
Then I hear the little voice inside the room. “Jasmine.” She has the boy again.
I don’t want to part with her, but I know that she will push me away soon to go back to the boy. I don’t want to feel rejected either so I simply pull away and leave her. I don’t look back either, I am sure it is a look of anger on her face, I don’t want to see it. I just want the comfort of her lips on mine. I almost feel as if it is one last kiss. I really hope not.
I lay in bed and struggle to sleep. I only want her next to me. I only want to feel her hand resting on my chest. Her steady breathing against my skin. Her warmth radiated to me. The feel of her soft skin under my hands. Her beautiful silky hair spread out on my pillow. Those gorgeous eyes staring at me when I finally manage to get my ass to wake up. Fuck, how the hell am I supposed to sleep? It is going to be a long night, again.
I don’t think I have slept a wink since she refused to see me again. I know I am starting to look like shit. She isn’t at training in the morning. She sits as far as she can from me in the car to school. I only get to hold her hand one hour a day. That is ridiculous. I need her to breathe and I can’t even have a portion of her. Or rather the portion I get isn’t enough to live on.
Then seeing her kiss him. She kissed him back there was no denying it. When she wound her hands around his neck I wanted to die. She was enjoying kissing him. She didn’t yell at him or slap him. She held his hand all the way to the pack house. Then his son is staying with her. I am losing her and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. She is my world and she is disappearing to become someone else’s.
JASMINE’S P. O. V.
I slept like crap. All I could think about all night was that kiss. Not even the one that I thought would bother me. No Hunter’s. He didn’t even say anything to me, he just kissed me and walked off. He didn’t even look back at me. That kiss felt more intense than any I have ever received before, it was desperate, needy, I could feel the love pouring out of him.
Maybe I am just imagining it. Maybe I want it so bad that I am picturing something there that just isn’t. I want him to want me. I want him to want me to be his world, like he is mine. Being apart from him has been torture. Every cell in my body craves him. When he holds my hand each day I want to melt. Even now, I just want him here with me.
However right now I have to put on my fake face and wish Christian a good departure. I wish I felt differently, it would be so much easier to just fall for Christian and be his mate. There are many benefits from it, but he just isn’t Hunter.
I help Eli buckle into his carseat. He is crying, he wants me to come home with him. “I’m sorry buddy. This is my home. I will see you around Christmas though, won’t that be nice?”
He nods his little head, but there are still tears. I kiss his forehead. “I will miss you little guy. You take care of your daddy ok.”
He gets a little straighter in his seat. I think he likes that I gave him a job. “I will.” He nods to me.
I climb out of the car and greet Christian. “He is going to cry the whole way home now.” He nods his head towards his son. “Why do you have to be so perfect?”
“I don’t think I am perfect. I think your boy just wants a mother figure.”
“I think I found one.” He reaches up and brushes my hair behind my ears on both sides, essentially he is cupping my face. “Just one more I promise.” His lips meet mine, it is soft and pleasant. Not like the passion from last night. I think he is aware we are being watched. “I will be back in three weeks.” He pulls back and then kisses my forehead. “I hope to win you over then.” He gives me a smile and gets into the car.
I just don’t feel the same as I did when Hunter kissed me. Christian would be the better choice, but the feelings just are not there. I feel bad and guilty. I should shut Christian down now. There should be no three weeks. I guess a selfish part of me still wants to be wanted. To still be the only one in their life. He said he would even take in the baby like his own. I just don’t feel right about that. Hunter doesn’t even know. I could never do something like that to him.
I shake it off and go back into the pack house. I need to distract myself. I will even play fetch with Jay at this point, if it keeps all this off my brain. Maybe I can go for a run.
However, waiting on the stairs is Hunter. He looks up at me with hurt in his eyes. He looks like shit, like he hasn’t really slept in days. “Did you pick him?” To the point I see. He must be too hurt to even beat around the bush.
“I should. But no, I haven’t picked anyone. I am thinking of staying single. At this point my father agrees with me.” I keep up my wall. He can not see how weak I am inside. How much I want him just to grab me up and tell me that I am the only woman for him.
“Why are you kissing him then?” He doesn’t sound angry, but hurt.
“I figured it wasn’t that big a deal to you. I mean you do it with Allison whenever you feel like it.” Again, I don’t sound angry. I keep my voice even, definitely not the way I feel.
“Of course it’s a big deal to me. The only time I kissed her was when I was under a spell.” He has stepped closer to me. “I have no intention of kissing her ever again.”
“Hunter…” I start to tell him everything. I really do. The words get stuck in my throat.
“Jasmine,” My dad comes around the corner. “I need to talk to you about your upcoming schedule.” He looks up and sees Hunter. “Oh, I wasn’t aware you were talking.” He almost growls it out, so helpful dad.
“Just having some words. I’ll be in your office in a minute.” I nod to him. He can see we aren’t fighting so he nods and heads back to his office.
“So, that is what we are now, just words.” Hunter seems worn. He really doesn’t want to know the answer.
“Hunter, why did you come to my room last night?” I can’t hold back any more. I need to know.
He looks at me like I am crazy. “You are my world that has been ripped away from me. I want to hold you, kiss you, talk to you and everything. Instead there is this gulf between us that I can’t cross no matter what I do. I am really looking for a bridge here.” He is so close now that he can reach out and touch me, but he doesn’t.
“How do I know that you won’t hurt me again?” I just make the statement and walk away. I know he doesn’t have an answer, there is no point in prolonging the conversation when neither of us has answers.
I head to my dad’s office and enter. He is waiting behind his desk, he doesn’t look up at me. “Did you tell him yet?”
“I am waiting for the right time. As of right now, no. I will soon though.” I take a seat in front of him.
“Good, so, your schedule.” He looks up at me. “To keep suspicion off for a while you are going to come to training but you are going to be walking around with a clipboard taking people’s names down for additional training. These are going to be wolves that are lacking in areas, you need to note, their names and what areas. Call it Alpha work. You are also going to need to go to homeschool after winter break.”
“All sounds good. I know the pregnancy will go too fast for humans. Homeschool seems reasonable. I will tell the pack soon, I just want to tell Hunter myself first.”
“I get it. I am still mad at him for not thinking straight. He should have been fully committed before he did the deed. There shouldn’t be any need to keep it secret. Have you decided on the other Alpha?” He is looking at me like an Alpha right now, not my dad.
“Yes, I have, I have declined his offer of marriage. He is still trying to change my mind, but I am firm that I don’t want to have that relationship.” I make it sound as professional as possible.
“It didn’t look as firm as you are trying to tell me.” He gives me a pointed look.
“He wanted a kiss goodbye. Plus, I am a little torn on being alone.” I am a little shy to admit this to my dad.
He gets an understanding look. “I get it, but it would be best to be straightforward with him. Does he even know about the baby?”
“He does. He could smell it. I didn’t tell him before telling Hunter, if that is what you are thinking.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything. The boy hardly deserves the courtesy. Right now he is on a cliff and he is going to be lucky if I don’t push him off.” My dad growls out.
“You know I still love him right? He is my mate.” I don’t know why I am defending him.
“I am well aware. I wish it was someone else.” He takes a deep breath. “I know how important the mate bond is. I have no idea why the goddess mated you to Hunter but there had to be a reason. I don’t think it is to live alone.” He almost sounds sad to say it.
“I know what you mean dad. I feel a little lost without Hunter. I think I want him back.” I can not believe that I am talking to my dad about this.
He gives me a little smile. “He is your mate, but make him work for it. Hopefully he will learn his lesson this time and you won’t find him in any more bushes.”
“If I find him in another bush, I am going to kill him and then accept Christian’s proposal just to get back at him.” I growl out.
“I’m sure his dead body will feel the pain.” My dad chuckles.
“I would make sure of it.” I look at him with a little chuckle in my voice.
“Alright, I will be a little nicer but not too much.” He says as he gets back to his paperwork.
“I am still mad too. I don’t blame you.” I smile as I stand to leave the office.