“Swear on your life he didn’t try to have sex with you.” Mom whispers, leaning in close to me.
As expected, the moment Khizer left, mom dragged me to my room and started asking me a bunch of questions. This was just one of them.
“No mom, I would never let him have sex with me.”
She pouts. “Now don’t say that. Of course you’ll have sex with him after you’re married.”
“I don’t wanna talk about having sex with Khizer with you!” I say incredulously. Unholy images were filling up my head, and the fact that I didn’t feel inclined to vomit at the sight of them was making me vomit.
“Why are you turning red?” Mom asks sharply.
“I’m not!” A highly disturbing and graphic image flashes through my head.
What the actual fuck. Since when did my sexual imaginings become so specific?
“You are! Mansha, if he did something with you, tell me now.”
I take a deep, calming breath, shooing out the dirty thoughts. “He didn’t do anything mom, believe me.”
She clutches my hand. “Are you sure? You know how man around here are. They’ll claim to love you and promise to marry you, but once they have a taste of you, they’ll want to move on to the next one and will throw you away like a used sock.”
“No one knows that better then me.” I literally deal with such cases everyday.
“If Khizer did anything-”
“He didn’t do anything.” I hesitate for a while. “He actually respects me a lot. At least when he’s not being an asshole.”
“You sure? If you’re being blinded by love-”
“I’m not.”
She nods understandingly. “But since you’ve been to his house now, we’ll have to try to get you married soon. It’s not a good thing living alone with a man like this, we don’t wanna risk any rumors spreading or your Aunt messing things up.”
“Aunty Sugra?”
Mom gives a sharp nod. “After what you said to her she’s been going around bad mouthing you to all our relatives. Especially since she found out you disappeared. There’s already so much shit on you, I don’t want any more spreading. That bitch is already green with jealousy.” She makes a face. “Wait till she finds out that you’ve come back and Khizer was the one who dropped you home.”
“What are you two talking about?” Maha peaks into my room.
“About how Aunty Sugra is a snake.”
I give mom a pointed look. “You were literally telling me to apologize to her.”
She huffs. “Well I couldn’t say ‘Good Job!’ in front of her now could I?”
“That’s called double policy.” Maha says, plopping down on the bed besides me. The movement makes my back rub against the bed post, and I wince with pain.
“You don’t get to talk, you started all this. Oh and Mansha, I’ll visit Khizer’s grandma in a few days, to ask about her health and all. Maybe then she’ll start talking about fixing the date for your wedding.”
“Didn’t Khizer tell you? She isn’t home these days. Went to stay with her sister in the village until her leg healed up. That’s why I came back.” The lie slips out of my mouth with ease.
Khizer had told me he’d handle his granny, and I just had to make sure mom didn’t approach her until her ‘minor fracture’ had healed.
“Ah that’s too bad. If only you’d told me before, I’d have visited her while you were there.”
“Mom might not see it, but something about you being there is definitely suspicious.” Maha whispers in my ear. I elbow her in the ribs.
“You’re right.” I tell mom.
“But fracture or not, it’s highly improper to get your son engaged to a girl then just disappear. Thats not how families are made. Your wedding date should’ve been fixed by now.”
“Oh please. You’re just upset ’cause you want to show off to Aunty Sugra.” Maha butts in.
“Yes well, that too. But you can’t blame me now can you? Khizer is a hard catch.”
“He is.” Maha gets this dreamy look on her face. “He’s amazing! He’s funny, kind, rich, handsome and loves Apa out of all girls.”
I give her a look. “Get yourself checked. Your standards are very low.”
“As long as a man respects you, he deserves your love.” Mom states.
“I’m not even going to acknowledge that mom.”
-××××××-
By afternoon, I’m regretting even coming back home. Once I announced I’ll be taking a two week leave from work, mom and Maha went mad. Because to them, this was me changing for Khizer. I was doing what mom had wanted me to do all along, and she was ecstatic because of it. She didn’t leave my side all day, talking about where we should have the wedding, who to invite and what I should wear.
And although it was a nice change from the dull week I had had, I really wanted to rest. I hadn’t been able to lay down once, since I came back, and the strain on my back was making my wound ache. Pretending I was perfectly healthy and energetic all day was wearing me out, and it hadn’t even been twelve hours.
Not to mention the frustration I felt at not being able to go to work. Those fuckers weren’t able to kill me, but they did use my absence in court to extend the next hearing date according to them. Now the next hearing was in two months.
My other cases were in pending as well, and reassuring fearful clients isn’t easy. Quite the contrary, they were freaking out. Receiving justice in this country is hard as it is, especially for violated females, and now that I can’t go, it’ll give the accused more time to hide all the evidence. Or worse, shut their victim up.
The orphanage case has already been shifted ahead two months, I can’t let that happen with other cases as well. But of course, I can’t do anything about it either. I can’t help others until I help myself, and the only way I can help myself right now is by healing my wound. And sizzling in misery.
As Khizer would say, smart choice.
But healing is very hard when you have to pretend you aren’t even wounded.
“Or-or” Mom says excitedly. “You could go for the traditional red. It’ll really go with your complexion.”
The last red clothes I wore were red because of my blood. And that didn’t go with my complexion.
“Don’t you think you’re thinking too far ahead? You haven’t even talked to Khizer’s grandmother.”
“Still. I want you to get married soon, so that I can breathe again. And it’s not like his grandmother will not want you two married soon.” She gives me a teasing smile. “Her grandson loves you.”
Speaking of said grandson reminds me of something, and I pick up my phone from the couch to text him.
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His reply comes ten minutes later.
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I won’t be, but why should I tell him that. It was only six in the evening right now, and the pain was torturous, even though I was trying to focus on what mom was saying. But focusing is very hard when you don’t even care.
I’m daydreaming about Sana by the time it’s ten’o clock. There’s a steady thrumming in my lower back, and exhaustion is taking over even though all I’ve done is lay in bed and stare at the wall. It’s burning and uncomfortable to the point that I wanna claw my way out of my body. So when the door bell rings, the sound is a music of hope to my ears.
I sit up straighter, straining to hear the voices coming from outside. I hear Maha talking, and hope blooms in my chest at the sound of her excited voice. It’s either father coming home from work or Khizer. I hope it’s the latter.
“Mansha! Khizer is here. Come outside and greet him!”
Mom’s words almost make me not go.
Almost. But now is not the time to rebel against the patriarchy.
I shift out of bed, standing up with an embarrassingly huge amount of effort. My head begins to swim with the first step, and I’m panting by the fourth. What the fuck is wrong with me? I was completely fine this morning. As fine as I can be anyway. But as I walk out of the room with the pace of a snail and the vision of a rhino, I try to walk evenly, because the last thing I want is mom knowing somethings wrong with me.
Khizer is standing in the doorway at the entrance, chatting away with mom and Maha. Pressing my palm on the cool wall, I steady myself on my feet as I walk forward.
“Hey.” I say, hoping they don’t feel the shakiness in my voice.
Khizer looks my way, and he must’ve seen something is weird because he rushes over.
“Mansha! Hey.” His voice is all sweetness.
“Mansha bring him water.” Mom shuts the main gate. “Khizer why don’t you come sit?” She gestures towards the sitting room.
“Oh no, I have plans with Mansha.” Khizer grabs the hand I was using to support myself on the wall, holding it in his instead. “You don’t look okay.” He murmurs in my ear.
Mom eyes the two of us. “Oh do you? Mansha didn’t tell me. I already called her father and told him you’re here. He’s coming back early, said he wanted to have dinner with you.”
“Pretty sure I’m the one who’s marrying Khizer not him.” I say irritably. The world starts to move in circles again, and I grip Khizer’s hand tighter for support. “We have dinner plans already, father can wait.”
“Look at who’s getting all possessive.” Maha teases.
“Kill me or take me away.” I hiss in Khizer’s ear.
“Yes well, she’s adorable like that.” Khizer says chuckling. “Anyway I’m taking her with me now.” He tugs me with him to the door, and praying to god I don’t stumble, I walk along. “I’ll drop her off in an hour or two.” He tells mom.
“Oh, take your time. And take care of her.”
I shouldn’t say this, but I do anyway. “He will be taking care of me if he takes his time.”
Mom hisses angrily. “Mansha!”
“What do you mean?” Maha asks confused.
Khizer laughs nervously. “Okay Mansha. I think it’s better if you don’t even try to be funny.”
I don’t reply, as my surroundings begin to spin again.
Khizer says his goodbyes and we make our way down to his car, with Khizer’s arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder, because I can barely walk at this point. My back is numb with pain and my head is reeling so fast I can barely see my own feet.