Hope
Commander stood with her hands behind her back, while I stood with mine in front of me, fidgeting. It took only looking at her face for me to remember what happened earlier today.
I should never have said those words to her. I even called her bully. I should’ve kept my words to myself. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have barged into my room with a bloodthirsty look in her eyes. Telling her all those things just increased the damage.
“What is there to talk about?” I asked, disentangling my fingers and letting my hands fall to my sides.
“This morning…” Commander started. My heart flew out from my chest. “You were right.” She continued.
My eyes widened, the same time my brows furrowed with confusion. “Pardon?” I said.
Commander sighed heavily, her features relaxing as she dropped down on my bed, the cushion bouncing underneath her.
“Everything you said this morning was right. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I have all these while. I’ve been a real bully to you and with no actual reason.” She admitted.
My shoulders dropped as I let go of my alertness and took a step toward the Commander. I didn’t say anything because it looked like she was not done with whatever she wanted to tell me.
“During my own training, there was no roof for me to sleep under, hardly food for me to eat. I had no where to go. The money I paid my master for training was a gold coin that I stole from a noble who thought I was a beggar.
“I lived on the streets for about three years before I actually became good enough and got selected for training by the royal army. Things only got harder for me, then. I was the only other woman in the camp safe for two others. It was hard, every single night, the then Commander would-” she stopped speaking after that and shifted her gaze upwards to match mine.
Even without saying anything, I understood her. My heart somehow broke a little as she went on, pretending not to be bothered by her almost confession.
“But I thrived, I rose up to the occasion and got what I wanted. My freedom, status, power. I got all of it made the ones who hurt me regret. And the only reason why I was able to do all that was because of Darius.
“The king who I had once thought of as a spoilt brat. He helped me, gave me the position of my choice and encouraged me all the way. I always used to apologize to him for thinking of him so badly before.
“And yet, I repeated my mistake. Not to him but to you.” She said. My lips parted.
Was this leading to an apology? To answer my unspoken question, Commander stood up, her eyes was filled with anguish as she said two words that I never expected her to utter.
“I’m sorry.”
I froze up, giving my brain enough time to register those words and find out it if it was a figment of my imagination or if the Commander actually said those words to me.
“I see you and I’m reminded of your sister. For that reason, I despised you. I despised you because you came from a home in which you never lacked clothes or food. A home where you didn’t have to worry about not making it to tomorrow.
“I despised your sister for that at the beginning, but along the line, she gave me better, valid reasons to despise her for reasons other than her home. But you. You’ve never given me any reason to hate you.
“It was never even your fault that you got married to Darius. I failed to see that. I failed to see that you are not your sister but your own person. You once said that to me in a dream or maybe when I was in one of my drunken fits.” Commander said.
“But you’re you. And you have done no wrong to me. I apologize,” she continued. I stared at her features, trying to decipher if she was actually telling the truth or not.
Was what I said in the morning that moving that it pushed her into coming to apologize to me? I couldn’t tell, but I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity where she was apologizing to me for all the things that she has done.
She stretched out her right arm. “Truce?” She offered.
Cautiously, I put my hand in hers. Her palm was dry and calloused compared to mine which was tilting between soft and rough, due to my recent training with weapons.
We let go of each other’s hands after a few minutes, and each took one step back. An awkward silence filled the air. I wasn’t sure what to say to break the tension in the room, so I kept quiet.
“I guess I’ll take my leave now,” Commander said with a sigh, adjusting the rim of her tunic before she threw a nod my way. I did the same, but in a more feminine manner.
“Of course,” I said, then moved out of the way. She walked past me and left the room altogether.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in her absence. Now that she apologized, did that mean that things in my training would go better? Hopefully, it should.
I dropped down on my bed, and in that moment, a thought made its way to my mind. Before Kyle and that girl, along with Commander, I had been reading India’s diary that spoke of a witch. Lately in her diary, it was all about revenge. Her intent to get back at Augustus in some way.
But that was not the matter. The matter was that Amara was the one who created the Morati knife and was said in some of the previous entries to have some kind of beef with the Moratis family. So if that was the case, why did she help India? Why was she helping me?
My eyes strayed to the only window of my room which was now sealed shut after that assassin attack-which I still hadn’t received any tangible information about since that day. I saw that the moon was already dark and that it was late.
Kyle and Gwendolyn hadn’t returned after being ordered away by Commander. It was the perfect time to sneak and meet with Amara. I stood up from my bed at the thought and left my room.
Stealthily going through the hallways of the castle, I finally got to the basement. I pushed the door open and walked into the library. Wasting no time, I pushed open the secret passageway shelf and found myself inside Amara’s room.
“Ahhh! Who is it this time?” she nagged from the other end of the room, without even looking to see me.
“It’s me.” I said, walking deeper into the room and acquainting myself with one of the chairs.
“Ahmmm, Hope, my dear,” the tone of her voice changed as she turned around to face me. She floated over to me. Yes, floated.
“Hi,” I said, awkwardly, adjusting on my seat. She noticed my discomfort right away and drew a stool toward herself, then settled right across me.
“What’s wrong, child?” she asked, using a soft tone.
Now or never, Hope. Just speak out and find out the truth. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose, then exhaled through my mouth.
“You helped India assassinate the king,” I breathed out.
The silence hung in the air for three seconds before Amara burst into a fit of laughter. I stared at her with furrowed brows, clearly confused to what sounded so amusing to her.
“Assassinate? Isn’t that too big a word for what happened?” Amara slapped her thigh, then stood up from the stool and kicked it away.
“I didn’t help assassinate anyone. Whatever happens, happens, because it is the will of the universe.” She excused, dismissing the topic with a wave of her hand.
I reared back, then stood up from my seat. “Do you really believe that? You created the Morati knife and gave it to India, probably fueling her head with negative things that maybe made her kill her husband!” I accused, raising the pitch of my voice as I went on.
Amara still laughed. “You haven’t read it all, have you? If you have then you wouldn’t be saying things like this. Rest, child. Go back to your chambers, finish the diary, then come back to me.” She instructed, turning her back to me.
“Stop! You haven’t answered my question,” I reached out to her, and she turned around to match my gaze.
“Answer what question?” she countered.
“Why? What do you have against the Moratis’? Why are you still here? What do you want?” I asked.
“I want to sleep. Close the door on your way out.” Amara said, turned around, then climbed on her bed, and laid down.
I watched her, waiting for her to say something but she didn’t. With tightened fists, I said, “You’re just like everyone else in this place who refuse to see me as a person and nothing more but a trading tool.”
She muttered something under her breath after that but I didn’t stay long enough or cared enough to listen. I walked out of the room and shut the shelf door closed. I took fast steps out of the library and even faster ones after I left it.
I didn’t even bother to walk stealthily or shade myself when I walked the hallways that some workers lingered by the walls. The only thing I could think of was that I was being used.
Did Amara take interest in me because I reminded her of India or was it that she hadn’t gotten what she wanted yet and saw it fit to use me for her benefit? Either way, with her response tonight, I was sure that she didn’t have my best interests in mind.
And she never cared about me. Just the way no one cared about me. It was either they wanted something from me or they used me in place of someone they wanted. A person who everyone wanted and cared about. A person like Light.
I suddenly felt a pang of guilt in my chest as I thought of my twin. Guilt of the possibility of Light not actually being a bad person and was actually somewhere fighting for her life with someone who wanted to taint her name.
I was such a horrible sister. Light was the only true person who cared about me and what did I do for her in return? I got married to the person she was madly in love with. I couldn’t even clear her name in front of people who spoke badly about her. I, myself, thought badly about her.
I’ve just been so horrible. None of this was mine, I looked at the high pillars of the castle, the chandelier that hung up in the ceiling, the maids passing around holding things, the guards standing around each door. Everything didn’t belong to me.
They were Light’s. I felt like an imposter, standing in the middle of it all. Workers around casted me curious glances because of how strange I was behaving. I wouldn’t blame them. I was strange. I was a stranger to this entire place.
No wonder everyone was out to get me. A thousand reasons why I shouldn’t be in this castle started to spin inside my head. Loud voices yelling inside my head, telling me that I was making a mistake. They started to weigh down on me and my shoulders and legs felt heavy.
I fell to the ground, not able to stand the weight any longer. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was just a tool. I shouldn’t-
“Princess?” A voice said.
My vision blurred as I lifted my head to see my husband standing over me. No, not my husband. He was supposed to be Light’s.
Everything belonged to Light.