Hope
There was not a man in the world that was as confusing as my husband. He did things that I couldn’t understand at all. For example, he invited me to a private dinner with himself and Annalise.
It wouldn’t be the first time in the past week that he had invited me for something that had to do with Annalise. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it to spite me or if it was because of Annalise herself who seemed fond of me.
And not in a friendly manner. She liked to show off the fact that Darius was married to me but preferred her. She kissed him in front of me countless times, touched him for no reason, and made indirect insulting comments to me about being too naive to cater to his needs.
I wished I could decline coming to their dinners, but I couldn’t. Maybe I could, but I was too scared to try. I was afraid that Darius would do something horrible to me if I decided to go against him, so I did as he commanded. Every. Single. Time.
I walked over to the garden where some maids told me that King Darius requested my presence. I was dressed in a tunic, as I always was these days. I desperately missed my fluffy gowns. Even the tight corsets that I used to hate, I craved them more than anything else these days.
By the time I got to the garden, I saw that Darius and Annalise were already there, sipping on wine and discussing with each other. I observed something during the time I stayed in Moratia, workers of the palace adored King Darius. They liked him too much. And he liked them as well. He was also nice to them. Unlike the stories I had heard of him back when I was in the human lands of how much of a terrible tyrant he was.
The only person to whom he showed his horrible side was me. He smiled and conversed lightly with everyone else except me. That showed how much he hated me.
“Good evening, Your Majesty. Lady.” I said to the two of them, bowing a little before I took my seat on the other side of the round table.
Annalise beamed up at the sight of me. “Hope! You’re looking exquisite this evening,” she complimented me with a smile on her face.
How condescending of her. She knew that no matter what I wore or how much I adorned my neck and hair, I would never be as beautiful as her. Annalise didn’t need to wear jewelry or paint her face, she was naturally beautiful. The only thing she did was color her lips blood red. That was her thing.
“Thank you. As do you.” I responded with a clipped tone and a strained smile on my lips.
“Let us eat.” Darius ordered.
As we ate, Annalise started a new conversation with Darius that I couldn’t understand or join in. I was left as the third wheel on the table. Why did he always invite me if he wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge me?
Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why couldn’t he just find Light so that he would divorce me and let me live in peace? Why did he always choose to hurt me by ignoring me?
My behavior mirrored my thoughts as I stabbed my food viciously and ate like I was being forced to. The two must’ve noticed it because my husband took it upon himself to speak.
“If you wish to go to war with your meal, could you do it another time when I am not present?” He spoke in a menacing tone.
Heat flooded my cheeks due to embarrassment, and I cleared my throat. “I apologize.” I looked him straight in the eye, with a pleading look on my face.
Please, spare me from this silent torture.
I hoped he could understand the look in my eyes. Thankfully, he did.
“If you are not hungry, you may return to your quarters.” He said with a disinterested tone, then dug into his meal.
“Thank you. I’ll leave now.” I excused myself, standing up.
“Aww, too bad. We’ll get together another time, won’t we?” Annalise said hopefully.
No, I do not want to get together with you another time. I swallowed down those words painfully. I forced a polite smile on my face, bowing a little before I walked away from them and out of the garden. Once I was back inside the palace, I placed my hand on my chest and inhaled huge bundles of air.
I always felt suffocated when I was around those two. I needed air, I needed space, I needed freedom. I just couldn’t stand it in Moratia anymore.
“Sometimes, I pity you,” I heard from behind me, and I flinched in surprise. I turned around to see Commander leaning against a pillar with a glass of wine in her hands. She looked more relaxed than I had ever seen her before.
“Pardon?” I said, dropping my hand and pushing out my chest.
“You might not be a Lycan but he is your husband,” she continued. “How do you feel watching him be with another woman? Are you that heartless that you don’t mind it at all or are you too scared to do something about it?” she asked, taking a step closer.
I could see how intoxicated she looked. Her eyes were droopy and her stance was unbalanced. I knew very well what she was talking about and I did not appreciate her opinion. Did she think I could just walk up to her king and tell him to throw his mistress away and he would do such without batting an eyelash?
I might’ve been raised differently, but I was not an idiot.
“I shall return to my chambers,” I almost stammered as I spoke, then I turned around, only for Commander to grab my wrist and flip me around. She was much closer to me than before, and the smell of alcohol suffocated me to no end.
“When Light was here she had Darius chase Annalise away. She threw a fit about him having a mistress while he was to marry her. She didn’t relent until Darius ousted Annalise from the palace. And she did that all under the pretense of wanting to marry him.
“But you. While being married to him, you do nothing when you see your husband touching another woman right in front of you. Even though I hated Light, I admired her confidence. You have no backbone. You are worse than your sister.
“If you continue to live like this, then everyone will walk and trample on you, little Human.” She let go of my wrist after that and went back to lean against the pillar, resuming her serenade with her glass and forgetting all about me.
I stood there, letting her words sink inside my head before I ground my teeth and spoke up.
“Light and I are two different people. Everyone seems to forget that.” I bit out, then trotted to my room in a fit of simmering anger.
Light did this. Light did that.
“I am not Light! I am Hope!” I said as I walked into my room.
Why did everyone forget that? Why did everyone make it seem like we were supposed to be the same person? Like our actions linked? Couldn’t I do something that wouldn’t get traced back to Light?
I slammed the door to my room shut, then trudged to my bed and dropped down on it, gripping the sheets hard. I was sure Darius was expecting me to do what Light did. Maybe that was why he brought back Annalise. He should know that I couldn’t do what Light did, and I didn’t even want to get tangled with him in the first place.
I just wanted to be me.