Katalina.
Dinner was rice, curry chicken, french salad, and orange juice. David ate his pizza, and I had to talk him into eating some of the salad as he doesn’t like veggies.
After dinner, David watched more TV while I continued knitting the sweater. Emilia should be back soon, but I was feeling sleepy. So, I decided to watch the news on my phone.
My favorite NEWS TV is MoTV as it is from home. I missed the headlines, but got to listen to the full details of the first headline which was about the political situation of the country.
Elections are around the corner and manifestos are flying around like a flu. It was quite interesting watching clips from rallys and analysis from observers. After that, the next thing that came on made me gasp. It was Huracio, and the news about him sent me into a fit of coughs.
David had dozed off while watching the cartoon, but the moment I started coughing, he woke up and started crying. I hurried over to him and scooped him into my arms.
“It’s okay, baby. …. mum is fine.” I tried to pacify him while whooping.
Just then, the door opened and Emilia walked in.
“What’s going on? What did you do to him?” She asked, hurried over and took him from me.
“He got scared because of my cough.” I grunted, loudly clearing my throat. It was scratchy and very uncomfortable.
“When did you start coughing?” She asked while rocking David.
“Just now. It’s not an infection. My saliva just went up the wrong pipe.”
Emilia walked towards David’s room, cooing to him while I stayed back to manage my cough. I went to the kitchen, filled a glass cup with water from the tap and drank it. Feeling better, I rested by the sink, trying to slow my breathing down.
I was soon lost in thoughts, staring at the white wall, unable to come to terms with what I just saw on my phone.
“Kata, what is it? Why are you crying?”
I had no idea when Emilia arrived until she grabbed and shook me back to my senses. Instantly, I felt my wet face.
“Nothing.”
I didn’t even know I was crying.
I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe off my tears and headed for the living room.
“What do you mean? Did something happen? Did you get fired? What is it?” She asked exasperatedly.
I picked up my phone from where I dropped it and silently handed it over to her. When she saw what was on the screen, she gave me a perplexed look.
“I thought you said you were over him and ready to move on?”
“I know. I really thought I was over him. I don’t know why it hurts, Emmy. It hurts pretty bad. I feel like my chest is going to shatter. Why do I feel like this? Why am I not over this bastard?”
My body trembled so badly that Emilia quickly grabbed me and hugged me tightly. She held me until I had a good cry. By the time I was done, her hands were numb and she had to keep rubbing them to get her blood circulation back.
“What are you going to do now?” She asked after a long silence.
I just shrugged and kept staring at my nails.
What am I supposed to do?
I have lived each day of the past five years, hating and missing him. Sometimes I missed him so much that I would cry for days. Sometimes, I hated him so much that I would download his pictures and stab them. Until recently, I couldn’t stand the mention of his name because it either made me regret leaving him, or made me hate him for what he and his brother did to my father. I was caught in a web of confusion that made me go for therapy. I was recently doing good, having days when I had no thoughts of him. Then this happens? Why? How? What should I do?
“I think it’s high time you start dating. Maybe you should accept Hoseok.”
I rolled my eyes, stood up, and started walking to my bedroom.
“Your dinner is in the microwave.” I casually threw over my shoulders.
“You don’t have to love him. Just let him love you. Let him be your distraction. If you don’t get into a relationship, I don’t think you will be able to get over Huracio. Now that he is getting married, You will only hurt more.” Emilia walked into the room with me, unwilling to leave the conversation alone.
When she said those words aloud…Getting married’…. It felt like she plugged a knife into my chest. The pain was so real that I flinched.
“You are never going back, so why subject yourself to this torture? You will never be happy if you continue like this, Kata.” she continued earnestly.
It’s not like I don’t know that. I hate myself for suddenly feeling like this when I have been okay for more than six months. The idea of him getting married to another woman. It’s simply unfathomable. He is supposed to be mine. But his brother killed my father, and my biological father killed his family. Everything is so chaotic. Leaving felt like the right thing to do, but I regretted it. I regretted it so much that I wanted to go back. But I couldn’t because I made a deal with the devil himself.
I crawled into bed and covered myself with the duvet, completely ignoring Emilia.
“Kata, please, don’t do this to yourself.” She urged.
I don’t want to, but I don’t know how not to be pathetic.
Monday didn’t come fast enough, and by the time it arrived, I was emotionally drained.
After announcing Huracio’s engagement to Celine Alkim, MoTV suddenly had nothing else to talk about. It was either his engagement, or politics. And considering that Salvatore, his brother, is also part of the country’s political figures, their names simply kept coming up.
In the past five years, I held back from stalking him online, but now, it seems to be the only thing I am doing. I spent the weekend searching about him and reading up. Not only did his company merge with Alkim’s group, they also changed the name. Now, he is heading the Real Estate company, and marrying the last born of the Alkim’s family.
While I was trying to find my footing, and retaining my sanity, Huracio was spreading his wings and flying like an eagle. Did he even miss me? I know he was sad when I left. I know he searched for me everywhere, but seeing how happy he was now, with another woman by his side, it was hard not to feel jealous and angry. I felt like he was cheating on me.