A look of surprise came over her face and any semblance of a smile was wiped away as her face went totally blank.
I went on to explain to her that I didn’t know when or how it started, but that it just happened and then grew deeper over time. I recounted many of the fun times we had together and how she was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. I told her that other women didn’t interest me and I confessed to her my total devotion and love. I even told her how I fantasized about her when I masturbated. All in all, I must have talked for a good twenty minutes before I was done. When I finished, she sat there for a minute and then reached out to grasp my hand before she spoke.
“I really don’t know what to say, you know?” She began. “I never expected this after so many years just being friends. I’m flattered that you feel that way about me, but, I would be leading you on if I told you I felt the same.”
My heart sank and I saw ten years of my life begin to dissolve into nothing. Now I was going to lose her as my friend with absolutely no hope of anything else at all. I felt shattered.
Seeing my pain, she squeezed my hand in hers and continued, saying, “You have to know that you are, without a doubt, my closest friend… my oldest and best friend. The one I can count on when it really matters and the last one in the world that I would ever want to hurt. You’re the only guy in the world that has treated me as a real and true friend. You’ve never done anything to make me question your motives and you’ve never lied to me. You’ve never done the typical guy things like try to trick me into going to bed with you or tried to get into my pants…. you’re my perfect friend. But, I could never be your girlfriend don’t you see? And I do love you, too. Really I do, but it’s not the kind of love you want us to have. It’s not the man-woman kind of love. I would do anything for you, but you can’t live your life everyday waiting for me to come around and finally become your girlfriend and lover. I can’t let you do that to yourself.”
“Please don’t be hurt,” she added, “and please don’t stop being my best friend or let this get in between us. You mean too much to me to let that happen.”
As I listened to her, it hit me that she was truly moved with my admission and confession. As she spoke, she held my hand in her lap and at some point, I knew that the torch I was carrying for her needed to be put out. I needed to let her go.
By the time we finished talking, two hours had gone by and the waiter had been by every 15 minutes to see if we wanted anything. We’d ordered some coffee so we could sit together without being bothered, and the waiter was courteous enough not to hover around us while we sat there. During our talk, we both had momentary bouts of tearing, and as we worked through it, we held each other’s hand.
Emotionally, I felt like I had been in a wreck. I had laid out my heart and soul to her, and although she was gentle as she rejected my love, it still took a tremendous toll on me and I felt tired and exhausted.
“So,” she asked, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. It feels good to have finally told you, even though it didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I’ll be fine, though.” I answered.
“I guess that just leaves one more thing,” she replied, “the slippery nipple thing.”
I laughed. Sharron did, too, but when our laughter died down, she reminded me, saying “I think you made an offer we need to talk about.”
Now it was my turn to be surprised. What was she alluding to?
“I think,” she said, as she leaned back against the padding in the booth, “you eluded to the fact that you would get naked if I showed you my nipple?”
I laughed again, but this time, she wasn’t laughing with me. “You can’t be serious. You mean after the talk we just had?” I asked.
“Now don’t misunderstand me here,” she said, “but, you’re kind of a cute guy and I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked. Besides, as close as we’ve been for the last ten years, I’m surprised we haven’t seen each other naked before. What could it hurt?”
I had to stop myself from seeing this as an opportunity to change her mind about loving me as I paused to consider her logic. Did I want to see her nipple? Yes, I guess so. I’ve lusted after her for ten years and never seen any part of her charms uncovered. This might be the only chance I’ll ever get to see her bare breast, and who knows, maybe she’ll feel sorry for me and I might get a hand job or maybe a blow job… hell, I might even get a mercy fuck!”
But, before I could open my mouth to agree, she asked me, “Have you ever heard of CFNM?”
I had no idea of what she was talking about and I’m sure the expression on my face showed it. “No,” I answered, “is that another kind of drink?”
“Not hardly.” She said, chuckling softly. “It stands for Clothed Female Nude Male. It’s where a man completely undresses and stays naked while in the presence of a female. It’s something I read about on the internet and it sounds fascinating.”
“Is it some kind of punishment, or game, or something like strip poker?” I asked.
“No,” she explained, “I read that it’s probably more like a fetish. Some men actually like being naked around women, and some women simply like to see a naked man without any strings attached. You wouldn’t turn down the chance to see me, or some other woman naked would you?”
“Are you kidding? I would love to see you naked.” I answered.
“Then, why wouldn’t I want to see you or another man naked?” She asked.
She had me there. I’ll be the first to admit that I wouldn’t turn away from a naked female. But, this was really weird. Especially after just telling her I was in love with her and that I’ve lusted after her for ten years. Now she’s trying to get me naked. It made no sense at all.
“I’m really confused, Sharron.” I said. “When I told you I was in love with you, you made it sound like there would never be anything between us besides friendship. Now, we’re talking about being naked in front of each other. Isn’t that close to teasing me?”
“Whoa, boy. Slow down there.” She replied. “I didn’t say anything about me being naked in front of you. I said this was Clothed Female Nude Male, remember? That means you would be naked and I would be dressed. Well, I would let you see my nipple, but, other than that, I would be dressed.”
“Oh, come on!” She added. “It will be fun! It will be just us and I’ll never tell anyone. You can come over in the morning, and stay at my place all day. You’ve done that hundreds of times. You told me you’ve always wanted to go to a nude beach….. you even asked me to go to one with you. What the difference? I’ll fix a nice dinner for us, and then you can go home. We’ll just spend the day together. No problem.”
It was true, I did ask her once if she would go to a nude beach with me, but that was a purely selfish and feeble attempt on my part to see her topless or naked. I didn’t necessarily intend it as an opportunity for me to be naked in front of her for hours. Still though, the thought of being naked in front of the one I loved, was appealing, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to say ‘yes’.
“Let’s just say I was okay with this,” I offered, “you’re going to show me your bare nipple…. and for more than one second?”
“Yes,” she answered, “I promise I’ll let you look at it longer than a second. Jeez!”
“And what if I, you know…. get an erection while I’m there?” I asked.
“I have seen other men naked, you know.” Sharron replied. “I know guys get hard-ons. If you get one, it will be okay. I won’t mind at.” Her face broke into a huge grin as she said, “Really, I won’t mind at all and I’ll try not to stare too long.”
“Oh, great!” I sighed. “I’ll be walking around with a hard-on for hours while you’re staring at it.”
“Well,” she said, “you can always, uh, take care of it, you know.”
“You mean masturbate while I’m at your house?” I asked.
“Sure, why not? Everyone does it. You already told me you do it. I don’t think that would bother me at all.” She said. “In fact,” she continued, “I’d love to watch.”
At that, I snapped my head around and looked at her. She sat there smiling back at me, hunching her shoulders up and holding her hands up as if to say “what’s the big deal?”