I’M STILL FLOATING on clouds when I meet Pax the next morning. We’re supposed to be discussing the progress of my project. Instead, our meeting is heavy on the mimosas and light on the business projections.
“You’re kidding! You kissed him?” Pax shrieks, almost throwing the full champagne glass all over her frilly white blouse.
I grab at her arm, giggling hard. “Sh! Someone’s going to hear you.” “Sorry. I just…” She blinks rapidly. Brown skin glistens in the sunlight
pouring through the glass windows. “I didn’t think you were that impulsive.”
“Not usually.”
She wiggles her eyebrows, a smirk on her lips. “But yesterday you were…ehem… otherwise inclined?”
“I couldn’t resist.”
“Why did you decide to suddenly jump on your husband?”
My hands gesture wildly as I tell her what Jerrison did with the cell phone. I tear up all over again when I recount his heartfelt apology.
“Wow.” Pax’s jaw drops. “Girl, I would have thrown his sincere behind on the table and climbed on top.”
“I tried. Believe me. He shut me down.”
“I can’t believe he did that.” Her eyes widen and she seems to stumble on a revelation. “I mean… I can believe Doc told him to keep his hands off the prize, but what stuns me is that Jerrison actually listened.”
“He’s always ‘in the mood’, if you get what I’m saying.” I bite down on my bottom lip, recalling all the mornings my husband rolled me over to
relieve the tension. “I can’t believe he had that kind of self-control last night.”
“That’s a good thing, right? If he wants you so badly, but he can say no, that means when temptation comes in a nice dress and a pretty smile, he can do the same.” She sips her drink.
“That’s the idea.”
Pax snorts. “Although that’s no guarantee either.”
“But it’s a sign. And I’m still looking out for those.” I wrap my hands around the champagne glass and sigh. “That’s not all though.”
“There’s more?”
“This morning, he came to the bakery with heavy-duty gloves. He said Doc told him how hard I’d worked cleaning the garage and he wanted to return the favor.”
Her jaw drops. “No.”
“Yes.” I giggle. “After Jerrison washed the windows, he picked up a broom and went to work, Pax.” My head still spins from how shocked I was.
“Jerrison is fighting to prove something.” She nods. “And I respect that.”
“Is it enough though?” She eyes me.
“I don’t know. A part of me wants to test him more. See if he breaks in a month or in a year.”
“Naughty girl.” She spears a strawberry.
“Have you ever seen a husband who changed so drastically before? It feels like a fairytale. And fairytales aren’t real.”
“But what if this one is?”
I shake my head. “I’m afraid to get too excited.”
“What did Doc say about this? How does he expect you to know when you can finally trust your husband?”
I think back to my old lessons with the mechanic.
‘How will I know when he’s ready?’
‘He’ll show you. A woman knows when she is being prioritized. In fact, that’s why she agrees to marry him in the first place. Because he shows her enough, during the dating stage, to make her believe that he will care for her and treasure her forever.’
‘But so many women are wrong about that.’
‘So many women jump into marriage without the right tools. That’s why investigating and testing him before marriage is important. Having high standards while dating is the woman’s wrench. Investigation is the spanner. You should have all these things in your toolbox because they will warn you of what you should accept. They will be measurements to prove he’s mature enough to carry a family.’
“Doc says I’ll just know.” I pick at my food.
“I hope that works out for you, girl.” She clinks her glass against mine. “Oh, before I forget. Hazel invited us to another meetup. But this time, the wives are dragging the men along.”
A grin steals across my face. “That sounds fun. I’ll talk to Jerrison.” “Calvin is acting up and saying he doesn’t want to go.” She rolls her
eyes. “Men.”
I laugh and open my mouth to answer her, but someone catches my eye. A tall, stunning woman strides down the aisle.
She has dark skin, long black hair, and dark eyes.
I’ve seen her in my nightmares, those dark fingers wrapping around my husband’s waist, those legs tied at his hips, those brown lips dropping kisses on his neck.
Bile rises in me, flushing out the joy until it’s nothing but ash. My fork slips out of my fingers when she turns her head as if looking for someone.
Pax takes note of my expression and glances around. “What’s wrong?” A ball of anxiety clogs my throat.
I can’t breathe.
The past taunts me. Touches me with claws dripped in blood and betrayal.
I’m there all over again, hugging a pillow that smells like my husband while he’s off accepting the fragrance of someone else.
Her.
That woman striding nervously in my direction. My pulse starts kicking up dust.
I brace myself for my husband’s… ex-girlfriend? Prior mistress? Old lover?
But Ashley doesn’t stop at my table. She doesn’t even see me.
Her eyes sweep past me and land on someone else. A man.
He’s big and bulky with short hair and eyes so piercing I feel their intensity from the distance.
“Harriet?” A soft touch brings my attention back to Pax.
“I’m sorry, Pax. I need to go.” I scramble for my purse. Trembling fingers close around the strap and pull it over my shoulder.
The ground moves when I stand. The world tilts.
Ashley’s behind me. The woman Jerrison chose. My heart beats loudly.
He’s changing. He’s changed.
But it’s hard when evidence of his betrayal can glide into any store, any restaurant, any concert and remind me of what he did. How he broke us. Broke me to pieces.
His changes won’t erase the past. Won’t scrub the stains from the tapestry of our marriage. It’ll forever be tainted. Forever bear the weight, the scars, the imprint of hands that left mine to hold another.
Can I handle that? Is this the life I want to live?
“Harriet!” Pax catches up to me when I’m halfway down the sidewalk. “Hey, let me drive you.”
“I’m okay.”
She grabs my arm. “You are anything but okay.”
I let my friend tug me to her luxury vehicle. Let her drive me around aimlessly. Let her slow the vehicle near a park and shut the engine.
“This isn’t the bakery,” I murmur, surprised by my own voice.
Did I just laugh a moment ago? Wasn’t I on a high from a husband who had slowly begun to change? To love me the way I deserve?
Why does my heart hurt like this? Why does it still tear me up inside to see the women he chose before he decided to devote himself to me?
Pax rubs my back as tears well in my eyes. “It’s okay to cry, Harriet.” “I’m tired of crying.” I firm my bottom lip. “I’m not a crybaby.”
“You keep that inside, it’s going to explode on the wrong person.” Her knowing look tells me she’s talking about Jerrison.
My nostrils flare as anger gains a foothold. “Who says it’s the wrong person? He’s the one who did this to us! He’s the one who destroyed me.”
“I know, Harriet.”
“If he’d never stepped out on me, I wouldn’t have to go through this.” The tears burn the back of my throat. The back of my eyes. “I didn’t ask for
a fairytale, Pax. I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted it to be me alone that he chose. Was that so wrong? Do I have to be punished for that?”
“No, honey.” She pulls me into a hug.
In her warm embrace, the tears don’t have a chance of staying locked in.
I bawl into her shirt, my heart breaking all over again.