101.

ENZO DE-LUCA.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked as I helped Maeve get out of the bathroom, I knew something was off about her, she’s been falling sick a lot lately but whenever I bring up the hospital, she would just change the subject.
I could see her nipples protruding even though she was wearing one of the thickest shirts I own and her skin looks paler than usual, the outline of her boobs was enough to tell me how big it had gotten.
That can’t be normal and not just that but even her favorite food seems to be irritating her now, she hates hearing some kinda voices and even I have to walk on eggshells around her.
It’s scary and when I asked AI, it came up with tons of possibilities but the only one that wouldn’t stop ringing in my head is the possibility of pregnancy.
She can’t be pregnant now, not when she had asked about what my reaction would be three days ago and I’d completely freaked out.
THREE DAYS AGO.
“Enzo?” Maeve called and I almost jumped because it was way past midnight and she should be sleeping by now but she was right here, in front of me.
She was wearing her shirt and the thought of her not having anything underneath that shirt drove me crazy but I was working on limiting my sexual thoughts whenever she was around.
I’d promised her that I was going to do better and it’s been a month without me messing up but I knew I was bound to mess things up if I keep seeing her as nothing but a sexual tool.
She’s my girlfriend right now, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with if things go well, she’s not just the woman I want on my bed twenty four hours a day.
Although, I do want her on my bed twenty four hours a day. I always want her on my bed all day, everyday but not because that’s the only thing she’s good for.
Buy because day, night and my life just seem a million times better whenever she is around and I sure as hell wouldn’t trade that for anything else.
“Are you okay, Little flame? You don’t seem okay, is something wrong?” I asked as I got out of the chair and made my way directly to her.
My palm rested on her forehead to check for a fever while she lifted those big brown eyeballs of hers to look at me.
“You don’t have a fever, did you have a bad dream?” I bombarded her with more questions and she shook her head as she held me.
I knew exactly how much of a baby Maeve can be and it warms my heart to see that she feels completely safe with me, it makes me want to do even better.
“No, I just couldn’t sleep but asides that I’m fine,” she responded with a yawn that made me burst out laughing, “maybe if you’re in the room with me, I’ll sleep.” She added.
I knew what that meant and she didn’t need to tell me twice before I was walking out of the study with her and together, we were making our way to my bedroom.
Whenever Maeve gets like this, 99. 9 percent of the time it’s because she wanted to talk about her usual insecurities and I really don’t have to do much, I just have to listen and assure her that I’m not going anywhere.
“Okay, something is bothering you, what’s it?” I asked as we both laid on the bed while she placed her head on my chest, giving me the chance to stroke her hair.
“It’s nothing much,” she yawned again and I just knew that she wouldn’t last long in this session, “I was just thinking and something came to my mind.” She started.
“What is it?”
“I mean, I’ve been meaning to talk about it since date night but I didn’t want to ruin anything,” she responded, partly scaring me, “I just need to know what you think.” She added.
“Okay then tell me.” I urged her on and she stood up, her eyes were piercing, searching and since I’ve never really seen Maeve so worried since we made our relationship official, I couldn’t help but be both worried and even more scared.
“What would you do if I were pregnant?” She asked and I could’ve sworn that I felt my heart shoot to my throat and my eyes fell right out of their sockets.
“ENZO!” Her voice forcibly pulled me out of the thought that I had no idea I was lost in, “I didn’t just tell you I’m pregnant, I wanted to know what you thought about having a baby.” She added and my brow shot up.
“Are you pregnant?”
“God, no!” She responded almost immediately and I didn’t know why but I felt relief wash over me as I sighed and pulled her into me.
“Then don’t scare me like that.” I was finally able to say as I kissed her hair. Frankly, I have never thought much about it, I have never thought about bringing another life to this cruel world.
I mean, I would never do that. Not just the world but I am worse than the world, I can’t even begin to lie to myself that I would make a good father because I know more than anyone else that I would make a very terrible father.
The child is going to wish he or she didn’t have a father like Enzo De-Luca and I can’t let that happen. My heart thumped really hard against my chest as I pondered.
I wouldn’t be able to live if I ever had to make a child that would end up hating me even half as much as I hated my father.
“You hate the idea so much that you froze and almost freaked out?” Maeve asked and I blinked as I scoured my thoughts in search of the right answer.
“Maybe,” I blurted out with a shrug before thinking, “I mean, babies kind of ruin everything and let’s face it, I wouldn’t be that good of a father to the little swine.” I added and something about that sentence caused Maeve to shoot right up.
“What?”
“I hate babies,” I said with a sigh, “I have never thought about having one and I genuinely don’t think I’m ever going to have one, it’s just too much responsibility.” I finished.
“Wait, what?”
“Maeve, your response also indicated that you don’t want a child, why are we having this conversation now?” My blood was starting to boil and I would love to change the subject before this turned into a fight.
“How and when did that imply that I didn’t want a child?!” Maeve’s eyes were starting to turn red too, “did you even stop to think that the reason I asked this question is because I might want a child?” She shouted.
“WHAT?” I yelled back before swallowing as I pinched the bridge of my nose, “okay, I don’t want to raise my voice or have a fight with you so let’s just forget about this baby issue.” I said calmly.
“Now, I want to talk about it,” Maeve was adamant, “you mean you never want to have a baby?” She asked and I shrugged, that’s pretty much it.
“Yes!” I answered firmly, “like I said, kids ruin everything and you should be in this with me since you’re going to be the one carrying the child!”
“Do you know how many sacrifices you would have to make so that you could birth that life, do you know how many things I would have to give up?” I was talking without thinking.
“I can’t do it, Maeve, I can’t raise a child that would-”
“I get it,” she cut in before I could finish talking, “kids ruin everything and that’s why you don’t want one.” She continued as she started getting out of the bed.
“W- where- where are you going?” I questioned but Maeve didn’t answer until she was at the door.
“Where else? My room where I can sleep without you.” She spat and with that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her and eliciting a groan out of me as I got out of bed to catch up with her.
Somehow, she was really fast because she was no longer in the hallway and as I made the little journey to her room, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
About all the things I went through because my father thought I ruined his life, the image was still stark and vivid in my head and each step I took, each time I try to consider the idea of having a child, I’m reminded of a million reasons why that would be a bad idea.
I didn’t have a good father or a good father figure to show me the ropes so I just know that whatever I do to that child will be every single thing my father did to me.
I can’t do that. I can’t raise a child that I would start instilling lessons on how to kill on from the very moment he turns two.
The last thing I want is for a child to have to witness a shoot out, let alone my own child. The last thing I want is to have to bring a dead body home just to have my son learn about how the human body works through the practice of cutting through a human body.
I really don’t want to have a child that I would have to teach how to handle a gun from the moment I notice he’s able to handle a pencil.
I can’t do that but aside from that, having a child doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“MAEVE?” I called as I twisted the knob but the door was already locked from the other side, “C’mon babe, please open up.” I begged but nothing.
“GO AWAY!” She yelled at me.
BACK TO THE PRESENT.
It’s been three days now and she’s still not talking to me but thanks to her friend, I was able to know what was wrong with her and thanks to her, I was in Maeve’s room now.
This has been going on since she asked about the baby, how could I be so stupid, I should have known that the reason she asked the question is because she really was pregnant.
Even though it’s just AI’s speculation, it makes complete sense, it’s the only explanation for everything going on with her and from my little survey, I also know she’s missed her period twice now.
“Let’s go to the hospital, you’re not fine, we both know that.” I tried to get her to go to the clinic with me but she wouldn’t budge.
The reason I’d come to her room today was to tell her that I thought about it and I’ve concluded that having a baby with her wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
I mean, I have to unlearn, relearn and learn some things but I want to have a baby now. It’s been three days and a lot has changed since then.
My answer had changed and now I want her to have my child, preferably a girl that looks just like her because she’s just so perfect.
I want that now and I want to tell her that I want it.
“I’m fine, I don’t need to go to the hospital,” She said, rolling her eyes as she sat on the edge of the bed, “so, why are you here? What do you want?” She asked and I sighed.
“I want a baby,” I responded blatantly, “I want you to have my baby.”