Ava
I struggle at first, my body refusing to give in to him so easily.
I lied. His words ring in my head over and over again. If you died so would I.
How could he say that so easily? He couldn’t possibly have meant that, could he?
But the way he’d looked at me as he said those words told me that he did. He meant every word.
Another teardrop rolls down my cheek, the wetness mingling with our kisses, and Nikolai pulls back for a second, capturing the next and the next one after that until the tears are no more, and then he captures my lips again. I have no idea why I’m crying or why the tears can only be soothed by his kisses.
Maybe it was because, after all this time, someone was finally seeing me, or maybe I was crying because, after all this time, it was him who was seeing me.
There was something about the way Nikolai kissed me that made every blood vessel in my body come alive. The way his body pressed against mine as he cupped my face, kissing me harder and making me forget everything that had happened within the last hour.
None of it mattered when his tongue touched mine. Not my father, not my anger towards him. Nothing. This kiss had somehow erased all of it, leaving nothing but thrumming pleasure in my veins.
My body moves on instinct, pushing myself on my toes as my hands glide up his chest. My nails trail over the exposed skin, peeking through the first two undone buttons of his shirt, and I thread my fingers through his thick curls, pulling him closer, desperate to erase every inch of space that stood between us.
Every part of my body was on fire, alit with a flame that burned only for him.
My husband kisses me like he’s trying to devour the very breath from my lungs, like he needs me to survive.
Things changed. They shouldn’t have but they did. He was supposed to be the enemy. My captor. The man who ruined my life. But somewhere along the lines, I’d lost the plot and fallen for him.
And oh, how I’d fallen.
How could I not, when he was always there?
When my father left, he was there.
When my favourite show ended in the worst way, he was there, arms open, ready to hold me through another movie night
When I got arrested in Russia, he showed up, no questions asked, and bailed me out.
When I was sick, he never left my side-caring for me like it was second nature.
Even now, he’s still here. Even after I tried to push him away, he’s still here, holding me, mending me
His hands trail lower, gripping my waist and angling my body towards his. I moan into his mouth, clutching the fabric of his shirt, desperately between my fingertips. Nikolai’s lips are softer than anything I’ve ever felt and when he swipes his tongue against mine, I open, granting him access.
He continues to kiss me, forcing me to keep up with him, with his pace, his power and the way he completely dominates me with his mouth. This kiss… it’s everything.
It’s raw, consuming and so different from our other ones.
He pulls away abruptly and I let out a whimper in protest.
“You think you’re worthless to me?” He murmurs, trailing his lips down my jaw, my neck, and the top of my collarbone, cutting me short.
I arch off the wall, biting down on my bottom lip as my fingers in his hair move to his neck, gripping him tighter against me. His erection pokes against me and I roll against it, gasping at the unfamiliar feeling. I grind against his hard length again, my lips parting as an embarrassing moan slips out from me before I can stop it.
“You’re not.” He tells me, fingers inching under my shirt. “You’re so much more, Solnyshko. So much more ”
My pulse hammers in my chest, loud and desperate when I felt his fingers splay over my skin, rough and warm against my waist. The world around us seems to blur together, melting into nothingness, and a part of me becomes aware that anyone could walk in on us and catch us like this, but I don’t care.
I can’t care because I don’t want him to stop.
“You’re everything. When I’m not with you, it feels like I’m unravelling,” he breathes, his voice ragged, barely restrained. And God his accent. The way his tongue rolls around each word only heightens my pleasure. “You hold me together in ways you don’t even know. In ways you can’t even begin to understand.”
He leans in again, kissing the corner of my mouth this time, then my cheek, then my jaw. Soft. Slow. Reassuring.
“You’re not worthless,” he says again. “You’re not a pawn or a payment for your father’s stupidity. You’re not what your father has made you think you are.”
“Nikolai…” it’s a warning. A plea. He can’t say things like that and expect my heart not to bleed more than it already has. How can I believe his words? How does he expect me to take them seriously when everything in my life has always pointed to the opposite? My father used me like currency, traded me like I was nothing.
I don’t want to believe the truth in his words. I want to but I can’t.
How do I even begin to trust that he means what he said? How do I begin to believe the look in his eyes?
“Then what am I?” The words slip out before I decide if I’m ready to hear the answer or not
His eyes burn into mine and then he lowers his head back to my neck, nipping lightly at the soft skin there. “You’re mine.” He growls, hands dropping to the flare of my hip and squeezing hard enough that I’m sure that there will be a bruise there tomorrow. “Mine to hold.” He nips at my skin harder this time. “Mine to kiss” He starts to lower himself on his knees and my eyes widen when his fingers twist the hem of my skirt, hiking the fabric over my hips. I gasp.
“And most importantly,” He leans forward and presses a kiss on the waistband of my panties sending heat flooding to my stomach and between my legs. “Mine to fuck.”
His to fuck.
My head drops back against the wall, dropping half-lidded eyes down at him as he peels back my panties and helps me step out of them.
I expect to feel him immediately but he doesn’t move. For a moment he just kneels there, eyes focused on me and then slowly, he draws his gaze up till he’s looking at me. Warmth cascades my skin as I realize what he’s doing.
He’s waiting.
Giving me an out.
I could put an end to this right now and he would let me go.
But I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want this to end.
I want him. I want this. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life and I know that should scare me, I do, but I can’t find the atom responsible for the emotion amid the wave of desire coursing through my veins, no matter how hard I try.
I nod once, and a noise of satisfaction rumbles in his chest, and then his fingers are behind one of my legs, hooking my thigh over his shoulder and without so much as a word, he buries his face between my legs.
My breath catches, and a strangled sound leaves my throat, half moan, half sob as his mouth works me with a devastating mix of precision and need.
Nikolai licks my pussy like a man on the verge of starvation. His tongue runs over my slit and I cry out, my head hitting the wall. Every swirl sends a fire pulsing through my veins. My hold tightens on his stands, and I’m sure that by the time I let go, some hair will follow. He groans into me, the sound vibrating against my core, unravelling something deep within me, that morphs into white flashes of pleasure that force my eyes close.
“Look at me” He demands, nipping lightly on my inner thigh. The warmth of his voice brushes against my clit, and my eyes flutter open, gaze dropping to him. “You’re so fucking wet, Solnyshko”, He rasps, sucking my clit. My hips buck against his wet mouth, an involuntary reaction to the overwhelming pleasure he’s giving me.
I can’t think. I can’t breathe. My mind is on a freaking high right now with no signs of coming down.
All I can do is feel-feel the way his tongue strokes me, the way his fingers dig into my thighs, anchoring back to him when I float away from his touch.
Blood rushes in my ear and I twist harder at his strands, causing him to groan and dive in deeper.
My heart is thrashing wildly in My heart beats erratically in my chest, the sound of it deafening in my ears, mixing with the wet sounds of his mouth on me. I bite down hard on my lower lip, trying to contain the scream threatening to rip from my throat. But it’s impossible. Nikolai is relentless, worshipping me like I’m something sacred and most certainly not worthless.
My climax starts to build low in my belly, and I want to scream because I’m so close. So very close and I don’t want this to end.
“Don’t hold back,” he says, lips brushing against me with every word.
Don’t hold back I repeat to myself, thrusting my hips to meet his mouth. Don’t hold back.
Don’t hold back.
My head tips forward, eyes locking with his and when I see the hunger lurking in his eyes the last shred of my sanity snaps.
I unhook my leg from his shoulder and pull him up on his feet, slamming my lips against his before he has time to react.
He groans into my mouth, clearly caught off guard by the sudden intensity, but he quickly recovers, matching me beat for beat, kiss for kiss. His hands roam my body, cupping my breast and squeezing it in his palm. The taste of me on his tongue invokes something in me and I swear I feel another wave start to build in my core, slow and steady like a storm gathering strength.
He presses me harder against the wall, wedging his thigh between mine as he devours me.
But I don’t want the storm to come just yet. I slow the kiss just enough so that I can pull away and cup his face in my palm. “I want you,” I confess, trailing my lips over his jawline and neck. “I want you on me, I want you in me. God, I just want… I want to feel you.”
My words shatter the last thread of his control. He growls something in Russian then grips my hair, winding it tight around his fist, halting my lips from touching the rough stubble on his jaw.
“Don’t say something like that unless you mean it, Solnyshko. I am not a good man. I will take what you give me and more, if I see an opportunity.”
“Then take it,” I say looking him straight in the eye. A moment passes, and neither one of us moves, and then… He lunges.
His mouth crashes against mine with a desperation that makes my head spin and my knees buckle under the force. My body starts burning again, and this time, the heat is contagious because his heart is racing against my chest, and it feels like my entire world might have caught on fire.
But in a good way.
The best way.
His hands are everywhere. My waist. My hips. My ass. And then they’re at the back of my thighs, grabbing them as he lifts me and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist, clinging to him like he’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this world.
“I’ll be damned if I let your first time be up against a door.”
“I don’t care” I tell him, burying my face in his neck and inhaling his scent. He smells like home and sin and my God I want him so much. I want him to erase all the pain and replace them with something else.
Preferably the thing currently straining against his pants.
“Well, I do.” He growls against my lips and starts walking towards the stairs.