56

Archer
I slam the fridge door and Bly arches a brow. “What is up with you?” he asks, shaking his head. “Normally, it’s me stomping around and slamming doors.”
I shrug. “Can’t I have a bad day?” It’s been two weeks since I last had Adrianna in my bed and it’s driving me insane.
He chuckles. “Yeah, it’s just funny, as you are always being an asshole when I’m in a bad mood. Maybe I should return the favor.”
“Well, you seem to be in an oddly good mood.” I unwrap my meatball sub from the deli up the road and bite into it. “Maybe the universe is fucking with us both.”
He nods. “Perhaps.”
I eat my sub in contemplative silence, which seems to bug Bly as he keeps glancing in my direction. Funny really. He moans when I speak too much and now he’s unnerved by my silence.
“Seriously, what’s the problem, Arch?”
“What? I’m just not in the best of moods.”
“I’m not used to you being so quiet,” he complains.
I shake my head. “I can’t win with you. I’m either chatting too much or too fucking quiet. You can’t have it both ways, can you?”
Bly runs a hand across the back of his neck. “You are right. I’m being as much of an asshole as you usually are.”
“Exactly.” I know that’s his way of apologizing, but I’ve never heard the guy say sorry in his life.
I polish off the rest of my sub in silence and then go to the fridge to grab a can of coke. A dull headache is forming in between my eyes. It’s been like this every day since the argument, perhaps because I drink too much every single night. The only way I might stop myself from making an embarrassing move and turning up at her door is to drown my sorrows in booze.
Perhaps I’m more like my father than I ever realized. He was a drunk, although only after we lost my mom. He loved her, but the guilt he carried for her death drove him deep into despair. After she died in a hit that was intended for him, he became violent and distant.
“Has Oak mentioned dinner to you?”
“Dinner?” I ask, turning to face him.
He nods. “Yeah, him and Eva are going to cook a meal for us Saturday night.”
I shake my head. “No, but I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning.”
“He told me this morning. Are you going to be around?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ve got nothing better to do.”
“That explains the bad mood, then. Did Adrianna finally kick you to the curb?”
Rage floods through me as he’s being an asshole. “Fuck you.”
“Woah, I think I hit a nerve.”
“You really are being a complete and utter asshole.”
He smirks. “Good, now you know how it feels you might think twice about being one yourself.” He stands and buttons up his jacket. “See you later.”
I watch him as he walks out, my fists clenched. He’s not wrong. Perhaps I shouldn’t be a such an asshole to him when he’s in a bad mood. The difference is he’s in a bad mood at least fifty percent of the time, and I’m practically never in one.
Adrianna has really screwed with me in a big way. I throw the empty coke can in the trash and then head out of the staff room, turning left toward the gym. As I round the corner, my body turns tense.
Adrianna is standing by her locker in the corridor, looking as beautiful as ever.
I watch her for a moment, desperation to break the ice clawing at me, but I just don’t know how to approach her. And then, by a stroke of luck, a bang from inside a nearby classroom startles her, and she drops her bag, the contents spilling across the floor.
I walk over and drop to my knees to collect some items.
When she glances up, our eyes lock, but she doesn’t say a word.
Once I’ve got everything on my side, I pass them to her.
“Thanks, Coach,” she murmurs, her cheeks flushing.
“You are welcome.” I swallow hard. “How have you been?”
She looks me in the eye. “Fine. You?” It’s a short and clipped answer and I hate how much it stings.
“Not so good.”
She clenches her jaw. “Thanks for the books.” She turns away from me, but I won’t just let it lie.
“Why won’t you return my texts or calls?”
“Because I said all I needed to say in your apartment.” She doesn’t even turn to look at me.
“I know I was an asshole, blackmailing you into having sex, but are you really still insisting that you didn’t enjoy it? That you felt nothing?”
She spins around and looks at me. “Yes, now leave me alone.”
I slam the palm of my hand into her throat as rage takes over. “I don’t believe you.”
Her nostrils flare and I feel her heart rate quicken beneath my skin. “You should.”
“I can tell that you feel something for me, no matter what you say.” I squeeze tighter. “The way your heart rate increases every time I touch you like this.” I move my lips close to hers, but don’t kiss her. “The way your eyes dilate every time I choke you.”
“You are talking about sexual things. It doesn’t mean I have any emotional feelings for you.”
I growl. “Sex and emotions go hand in hand.”
She laughs. “Tell that to the man who has slept with countless students over the years. Did you feel something for all of them, too?”
She’s right. Sex has never been linked to emotion for me. It’s been an outlet. A way to blow off steam. And in that moment, I realize Adrianna feels for me the same way I felt for all those girls. Nothing but desire.
I release her throat and take a step back. “No, I didn’t.”
“Then why do you expect me to feel anything for you?” She tilts her head slightly. “Is it because most of the young girls you sleep with wind up having feelings for you?”
A swallow hard as Adrianna is right. Many of the students have feelings and yet I carry on, knowing it’s not going anywhere. Knowing that in the end I’ll just hurt them.
“I’ve got a call to get to.” She shoulders her bag. “Thanks for helping with the stuff I dropped.”
“No problem,” I say, allowing her to walk away. As I know that she is in the right and I’m the one out of order, but it doesn’t make it any easier watching her march off. There’s a part of me that wants to demand she fulfill her end of the bargain and return to my apartment every night until she graduates, but it’s not worth the pain she inflicts.
I guess I finally know what it’s like to be the one that actually gives a shit in a relationship. I have to say I’m not very fond of the sensation.