54

Natalya
“Where have you been?” Adrianna asks, brow furrowed as I sit down at our usual table in the cafeteria with my dinner, over an hour later than usual.
Heat slams into me at the question as I try not to think about what just happened in the library. “I had work to do.”
Azira sighs. “Always working too damn hard.”
Adrianna nods. “Yeah, with you hardly around and Eva, it feels weird.” And then she glares at Azira. “And Azira is practically in full-time detention.”
I take a sip of my coke and shrug. “Sorry, I just take my studies seriously,” I say, despite the guilt tightening in my gut. I glance at Azira. “What did you do now?”
“What didn’t she do?” Adrianna asks, shaking her head. I kind of zone out as Adrianna reels off a list of all the crazy shit Azira has done that landed her in detention in the last week alone.
My mind can’t stop returning to what happened in the library. It made no sense, but it felt so damn good. Alexander was on his knees for me, begging for forgiveness. I never thought I’d see the day when the tables would turn, and yet he seems desperate to continue this sick and twisted thing he started at the beginning of the year. To what end, I’m not sure.
“Why do you look so red?” Adrianna asks.
I shake my head, trying to forget the image of him between my thighs. “I don’t know. Hot, I guess.” I spoon some pasta into my mouth and try to focus on the conversation Adrianna and Azira are having about how much of an asshole Coach Daniels is. Apparently, he still won’t leave Adrianna alone.
“Why don’t you report him?” I ask.
Adrianna rolls her eyes. “Report him to his best buddy, Principal Byrne? What do you think he’ll do about it?”
Azira shrugs. “You’ll just have to put up with it. It’s not like he can force you to do anything.”
Adrianna sighs and leans back in her chair, grabbing her half-eaten piece of cake and shoving it in her mouth.
“I noticed Alexander hasn’t been at your throat as much since winter break,” Azira says.
I meet her gaze and there’s a hint of suspicion there. “Maybe he’s got bored again,” I say, but I can feel my face heating at the mere mention of Alexander.
“I’m surprised you two didn’t kill each other in those woods,” Adrianna says, shaking her head. “We were all so worried about you.”
I swallow a fork of pasta but don’t look up. “Alexander may be an asshole, but I’m not sure he’d risk murdering me.”
“Right.” Azira nods. “It’s just that you two almost seemed friendly when you returned to the clearing.”
I raise a brow. “I’d say friendly is a stretch, wouldn’t you?”
Her lips purse together as if she expected me to say something else, and then she just shakes her head. “Forget I said anything.”
My stomach twists as I wonder if somehow she knows what happened between us in the woods. Although, it’s impossible since we entered the opposite direction from the rest of the students. I guess I’m just being paranoid. “Did Eva have dinner?”
Azira shakes her head. “No, her husband was cooking for her. She rarely does anymore.” She sighs. “It’s a bit weird now that she’s married and living in his cottage, isn’t it?”
I shrug. “At least she’s happy.”
Adrianna nods. “That’s all that matters, really.” She sighs and gets up. “I’m tired and need to do some homework. I’ll catch you both later.”
“See you later,” Azira and I both say in unison.
When I glance back at Azira, she’s glaring at me through narrowed eyes. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
I swallow hard. “Like what?” I ask, feeling as if my skin is stretching too tight over my flesh.
She taps her fingers on the table, shaking her head. “We’ve been best friends for six years, and you are keeping a pretty monumental secret from me and Adrianna.”
How the hell does she know?
“You know?” I ask.
Azira nods. “Rizzo and I stumbled on the two of you.”
My entire body flames at the thought that we were actually seen fucking out in the open. “Oh,” I murmur, shaking my head. “It’s a long story.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Good thing I have a lot of time to kill, then.”
I glance up at her and shake my head. “What do you want to know?”
“When did it start?”
“You mean-”
“When did you start fucking him?”
I clench my jaw, hating how vulnerable I feel right now. She has a right to be angry that I didn’t tell her, but the fact is I couldn’t. Not without telling her he’s holding something huge over my head. “Winter formal,” I say.
She nods. “And why the fuck did it happen?”
I run a hand through my hair. “Because he blackmailed me,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t tell you what with.”
“That son of a bitch.” She shakes her head. “If you had told me, I would have got my brother to off him.”
I laugh. “Azira, don’t be crazy.”
“He blackmailed you into having sex with him. His head should be on a spike.”
She’s right that it’s not something I can just brush under the carpet, but now I’m torn.
Her eyes narrow. “Is that why you were late for dinner?” She tilts her head. “You were with Alexander.”
I shake my head. “Not at first. I was in the library actually studying when he appeared and then…” I trail off, heat spreading through my veins faster than lava following beneath the earth’s core.
“Fuck, what is wrong with you?”
I straighten at that, narrowing my eyes at Azira. Out of all my friends, she’s the one I least expected to judge me for this, and yet she’s sitting across from me scowling like I’ve told her I just murdered someone and buried their body in the old ruins.
“There’s no need to be so judgemental,” I say, glaring at her. “I can’t help that I enjoy his attention.”
“The attention of a boy who stabbed you in ninth grade because you were a teacher’s pet.” She shakes her head. “It’s not right, Natalya. You can’t just let him use you like that.”
I swallow hard, hating hearing my doubts and fears about what the hell the two of us are doing recounted to me by someone else.
He wants to make amends, but can anyone really make amends for that kind of terrible behavior?
Especially since it went on for so long?
I sigh heavily. “It’s complicated,” I murmur, dipping my spoon into the pasta sauce and eating some, despite not having any appetite right now.
“I don’t mean to attack you, Nat.” Azira shakes her head. “I’m just worried about you, is all.”
I nod and meet her gaze, which has softened now. “I know. I’ve been thinking the same thing as you, but Alexander seems determined to make amends.”
Azira’s brow pulls together. “Another one of his tricks?”
I shrug, as I honestly don’t know what he’s playing at.
He can’t truly believe there’s any viable future for us, which means he probably just wants to use me, as Azira suggests.
It hurts to think about it, but I know it’s the most likely scenario.
The sex may be good, but is it worth giving up my sanity for?
“Will you tell the others?” Azira asks.
I swallow hard, knowing that there’s no avoiding it now. Adrianna and Eva deserve to know. I just wish I didn’t have to tell them.
“Sure, I’ll call a meeting in my room for one hour’s time.” I set my spoon down on the side of my tray. “Hopefully Eva will be able to tear herself off of Principal Byrne.”
Azira chuckles. “I still can’t believe she’s fucking that God of a man.”
I shake my head and pull out my cell phone, sending a text to our group chat on WhatsApp.
Meet in my room, one hour’s time. It’s important.
Azira looks at the text and nods. “I know it’s hard, but keeping secrets from us doesn’t make sense,” she says, tucking her phone back into her pocket. “We’re your best friends and we’ll help you with this whatever way we can.”
I smile, but it feels forced. “Thanks.” I stand with my tray. “See you in an hour?”
Azira nods as I walk away, knowing I need this hour alone to gather my muddled thoughts. Before I reveal that Alexander and I have been sleeping together, and a part of me doesn’t want to stop. No matter how crazy that may seem to my friends.