Azira
Mia elbows me as I am drifting off while watching our favorite movie, When Harry Met Sally. “Wake up.”
It’s been a tough first week of Spring Break, finding out our father has stage four cancer, on top of me waiting and hoping that Blaine might break his own stupid rules and text me. I’ve not been sleeping very well at all.
It all started okay until Massimo broke the news the evening we returned from our shopping trip.
“Sorry, I’m exhausted.”
Mia shakes her head. “It’s only nine o’clock. What’s up with you?”
I shrug. “I’ve not been sleeping very well after finding out about Father.”
Mia’s expression softens. “Right, sorry. I always sleep like the dead, no matter what’s going on in my life.”
I snort. “I know you’re ridiculously lucky.”
“Is that all that’s bothering you?”
I nod in response, as I have no intention of talking about Blaine with her again. It was awkward enough when I told her, but the fact she’s fallen for Killian Callaghan, an enemy of our family, gave me the guts to tell her. I regretted it immediately, as she judged me for getting involved with a man like him. And I underestimated just how well known his tastes in sex are.
I’ve always thought I could tell Mia anything, but the way she looked at me made me feel a deep, far-reaching shame that I can’t quite put into words.
“Have you and Killian decided what to do?” I ask, as I wonder how that’s going to pan out.
If it turns out well for Mia, then maybe there’s some hope for me and Blaine, even though I know he doesn’t want any long-term commitment.
It’s pathetic that I’m sitting here, pining for him, and he could be with another woman right now.
The thought opens a dark pit in my gut that feels like it will swallow me from the inside out.
“Not really. All I know is I don’t want to stop seeing him.”
I nod in response. “What do you think Massimo would say if he found out?”
“He’d hit the roof because we’re at war with the Callaghan family.”
“Yeah, that’s going to be a tough conversation if you decide to bring it up.”
Mia purses her lips. “What about you and Luigi?”
“What about it?” I ask, wishing she hadn’t brought him up at all.
“I don’t think he’d take too kindly to that pairing, either.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think he’ll need to. I may be into him, but he’s like a block of fucking ice.”
She gives me a pitying glance. “He doesn’t feel the same?”
“I don’t know. He made it clear when we started sleeping together that it was sex and nothing more.”
“Asshole,” Mia says.
“It’s not his fault that I agreed and then proceeded to fall for him.”
“It’s entirely his fault. You are an innocent, eighteen-year-old virgin, and he took advantage of you.”
I straighten. “That’s not true. I went into this knowing exactly what I was doing.”
Mia sighs. “Are you sure about that?”
“Certain.” I’m not going to sit here and let her think I’m some kind of victim in all of this. Blaine made it clear what our relationship was going to be from the start. He even tried to dissuade me from pursuing him, but I was relentless.
Now, it’s my own fault if he breaks my heart.
He warned me he’s a monster, and monsters don’t have hearts. I’m not entirely sure he knows how to feel for another person. It’s as if he’s wired up differently.
“I just hate seeing you get hurt.”
I bite my bottom lip. “I’ll be fine.”
Mia nods.
“It’s you I’m worried about. It’s dangerous being involved with the enemy, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but I can’t resist him. It’s like we’re magnets being pulled to one another, if that makes any sense.”
It does make sense, as I’ve felt the exact same thing with Blaine. “I get that, but you can’t keep it a secret forever.”
Her expression turns a little somber as she slumps back into the sofa. “I’m aware of that, but how can I tell Massimo?”
I honestly don’t know how she can bring it up, as there’s a deep rooted hatred between our families. Killian’s grandfather murdered our mother when were little, so little that I don’t remember her at all. A pain claws at my throat as I realize her relationship with him seems wrong considering that fact alone.
“I honestly have no idea. I’m sorry.”
Not to mention, his mother was murdered a few years ago under our father’s orders. I’m not sure how a relationship can overcome that kind of bad history of bloodshed and conflict.
She places a hand against her forehead. “It’s going to be a disaster, isn’t it?”
I shake my head. “I honestly don’t know.”
We fall into somber silence, no doubt both reflecting on our fucked up love lives. We’ve both always known that we’re destined to be married off to the highest bidder, so to speak. And yet, we both dared to dream that we could bend and mold that future ourselves.
“Let’s stop wallowing and pay attention to the movie.” Mia nudges me gently with her elbow. “It’s our favorite, and the orgasm scene is coming up at any moment.”
I laugh, as Mia knows how to lighten any mood. “True, I love that part.”
We snuggle onto the sofa and Mia passes me the bowl of popcorn. I grab it and stuff a handful into my mouth. And we watch the film together in comfortable silence, both of us trying to forget our troubles, if only for one night.