Blaine
“Try me.”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t go there.”
“It’s your childhood, isn’t it?”
“My childhood is hazy at best.”
“From what age?”
“Anything before fourteen years old is pretty blank.” I know it’s blank because I’ve blocked it out. It would take some effort to unlock those memories, but I won’t. Nothing good can come from unlocking the closet that holds my skeletons.
I’ll drown in the darkness if I do.
“Okay, how about after fourteen?”
I shrug. “I moved to America when I was fourteen.” That’s my cover story, as I don’t mention Toronto, not to anyone other than Oak.
“Who with?”
I bite my tongue as I often try not to think about him. “My older brother, Ivan.”
“And where is Ivan now?”
“Gone.”
She looks a little irritated by my short answer. “Dead?” she confirms.
I nod, hating the way it feels when I think about him.
We were two naive boys when we arrived in Toronto, thinking we could find jobs and make a life for ourselves away from the darkness of our childhood in Russia. We had plenty of money as we stole it from our father before leaving, knowing we’d be in danger if he ever tracked us down. Ivan was eighteen years old and my official guardian on our visa, but it wasn’t long before he got involved with some bad guys.
We both joined the Sidorov Bratva, but because of my age, I wasn’t put into as much danger as he was.
He was shot dead on a simple drug drop because the police caught wind and busted it, and stupidly he tried to kill a cop.
Even though he’d never shot a fucking gun, the idiot.
After that fated night, I made it my mission to train in every combat to ensure I could never be hurt.
I was to be bulletproof.
And that’s when I climbed the ranks and became an enforcer, using the darkness and hurt to strive harder and block out all the bad.
“Can you tell me what happened to him?”
I am going to kill Oak for forcing me into this. After two years of fucking therapy with Jane before, I managed to avoid talking about my family or childhood, and suddenly I’m spilling my guts.
What the fuck is that all about?
“I’d rather not.” I need to shut this down before it gets out of control.
“Fine, why don’t you tell me more about the woman or man you met?”
I glare at her. “Woman.” I know I’ve experimented before, and it’s come up, but I generally go for women, which she knows.
She shrugs. “I didn’t wish to presume.”
“I’d rather not to be honest.” I glance at my watch. “Oh, look at the time. Isn’t that session over?”
“Blaine, I have to report back to Oak whether I feel you are sound of mind.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Well, I’m not about to murder the entire school, am I?”
“How am I supposed to know when you won’t talk to me?”
“Fine, she’s great. Alright?”
“In what way?”
“She is perfectly in tune with my sexual tastes.” I pause. “You know about those.”
Jane’s cheeks redden. “Yes, you explained them before.”
I nod. “And you judged me just like most people do, but this woman.” I shake my head. “She doesn’t judge me. In fact, she has the same tastes.”
Jane scribbles more down. “Do you feel that makes you feel more stable mentally?”
“It makes me feel less alone in this world.”
“Good,” she says, nodding. “That’s a positive thing.”
“I guess it is.” It is the truth. Azira makes me feel like less of a freak. Or like we can both be freaks together. A girl who isn’t scared of monsters, but can she find the human that once existed inside?
Humanity isn’t a part of my makeup anymore, so that’s why I know I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t be the man she needs because there’s barely any man left inside of me. I’m all beast.