I’m quiet on the drive home with Xavier, thinking about Christine’s question. Boyfriend, lover, father…I don’t know which of these describes Xavier anymore, and thinking about it gives me a sinking sense of dread. I want him to be all three, and that’s impossible. What future could I possibly have with my mother’s husband? Where on earth do I think this is going?
When we get home, I set up my computer at the dining room table to study, and Xavier preps dinner, but I’m sulky and silent. Eventually he comes to stand behind me and places his hands on my shoulder, kissing the top of my head.
“What’s wrong with my little girl?” he asks gently. I sigh, and lean back in the chair, enjoying the feel of his hands and the warmth of his body behind me.
I don’t know what it is between us, where it could possibly go, but the one thing I know for sure is that I need his love as desperately as I need oxygen to live. Whatever that looks like. I need him to touch me, to want me, to desire me.
I tilt my face up towards him, giving him a half-hearted smile. “I think I need a kiss, Daddy,” I say sweetly, knowing the effect saying that will have on him. But instead of bending down to give me the kiss I want, Xavier sucks in a breath and closes his eyes for a second.
“Hazel.” He squeezes my shoulders and starts lightly massaging them, digging his thumbs into the muscle right where I’m always the most tight, just like he knows how to do. “I think we need to be a little careful about our roles, okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean…sometimes I have to be your dad, okay kid?”
There’s that conundrum again: boyfriend, lover, father. But I’m not able to keep my feelings compartmentalized, at least not right now. I shimmy out of my chair and turn to face him, feeling brazen.
“Then I don’t want to study anymore.” I hold his gaze and don’t look away. His dark brown eyes search mine as if he’s looking for some meaning, as if he’s trying to figure something out. I can tell he’s not going to make me sit back down. “I want you to touch me,” I breathe, my voice coming out wispy and soft. “Kiss me.”
There’s a hint of a smile on his mouth, a whisper of mirth in the way his eyes crinkle and squint, even as he furrows his brow at me. “You don’t make the rules around here, Hazel,” he says in a low voice.
“I’m horny, Daddy,” I try again.
This time he lifts an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth starting to give away his smile. I know I have him.
“You’re being a brat.” His eyes bore into mine. “I tell you what. You can put away your studying, but it’s bath time.”
“C’mon!” I roll my eyes.
“Hazel.” This time his tone is severe. “I said it’s bath time. Be a good girl and do as you’re told.”
“Yes, Daddy,” I sigh. A spark of interest flickers in his dark eyes.
I follow Xavier upstairs and sit on his bed while he runs the bath. It was only the night before last that I slept there beside him, in his arms all night-except for when he crept off to the bathroom to take care of himself, leaving me wanting. I could only imagine him in there, that huge, long cock in his hand.
I wonder if we’ll ever…do it. I want him to want me in that way, but thinking about his size makes me nervous. Even through the shower glass I could easily see that he’s bigger than Dante and Kye. Combined.
My eyes wander around the room and I try to imagine my mother living here. It’s the same bed they shared at the old house. Same dresser. Same chairs under the window. Standing up, I circle the room, lazily thinking about how much this room looks like their old one. It’s just missing Melanie’s clothes and all the bottles and pots of makeup and perfume that sat on the dresser.
Out of curiosity and boredom, I open the dresser drawers to see how much room Xavier takes up on his own, and I’m surprised to find a stash of my old underwear-Melanie’s old underwear-the forbidden panties he doesn’t want me to wear. Underneath that there are other items in lace and silk. I pull one out and hold it up by the straps. It’s a sheer white babydoll nightgown trimmed with ruffles and lace, very sexy. I have no idea if it’s Melanie’s or maybe a trophy from some other conquest, but if it’s stashed away in this drawer, I assume he likes it.
Xavier calls me into the bathroom, and I shove the nightie back into the drawer, closing it silently before joining him. To my surprise, he doesn’t leave when I enter the bathroom.
“Get undressed for your bath,” he instructs me, dark eyes watching me expectantly, and with a quiver of excitement, I remove my blouse and slide off my skirt. His eyes devour me as I roll down my socks, unclip my bra, and step out of my panties, and then I stand there naked before him, letting him look at me. The frank way he stares makes me feel shy and powerful at the same time.
“Beautiful girl,” he murmurs. “Now into the bath. It’s bath time.”