Biting my lip, I press the green button and hold the phone to my ear.
“I GOT the job,” Jess shrieks in my ear. “I still can’t believe it. I got it.”
“Wow, that’s amazing, Jess.” I walk a little farther away from the buses and make sure to keep the phone a few inches away from my ear because Jess’s screams might deafen me. “How long do you have to decide if you accept it?”
“You’re kidding, right? Hell, I’ve decided already. My place is here, hon. London is so much cooler than I thought. The people, the accent. God, this is just the perfect city. I can’t believe you left.”
“It was because of the rain, I told you,” I joke, though a sinking feeling starts building in my stomach.
“Damn the rain. I’ve been here for three days and there hasn’t been one drop of it.”
“So when are you starting?”
For a few seconds, her heavy breaths are the only thing I hear. “That’s the only bad part. I start right after graduation.”
I chuckle. Jess had planned one wild two-week-party marathon after graduation.
“I can’t believe we’ll live on different continents,” Jess says. “I miss you already.”
“I miss you too, Jess.” It couldn’t be truer and saying the words out loud only makes the feeling in my stomach worse. If I thought losing Parker to the strip of land on the other side of the ocean was hard, it’s nothing compared to losing my dearest friend.
“Serena,” Parker yells from somewhere behind me, “come here.”
“Was that Parker’s voice?” Jess sneers.
“Yeah, I’m with him, James, and a bunch of other people. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you everything when you’re back.”
“You’re with James?” she asks, incredulity dripping from every syllable.
“Did you hear the part with a bunch of other people?”
“You’re still going to New York tonight?”
“Of course I am,” I say indignantly.
I can almost hear her pursing her lips in the pause that follows. Thankfully, all she says is, “Have a safe flight.”
I shove the phone back in my pocket and walk back to the group just as they start moving closer to the river.
Parker waits for me, hands in his pockets, a few feet away from everyone. “Come on,” he urges.
“This is one lousy place for a party,” I say.
He grins, as we follow the others down to the river. “Good thing then there won’t be a party.”
When we get close to the shore I pick up the courage to look for James. I’ve yet to decide if I want to avoid him or be near him. My mind warns me that I’d be best served by the former. Every other part of my body craves the latter.
I focus on the sound of the flowing water for a few seconds, and it has a calming effect on me. I find James standing right in front of the river, far away from us, talking to a teenage boy dressed in black overalls with a white shirt underneath. He’s got exceptionally short, dark hair and looks vaguely familiar. I have a feeling the two of them are fighting. The boy’s arms are folded over his chest. James has a deep frown on his forehead. It takes me a second to realize why the boy is looking so familiar. He’s not a boy at all. She’s wearing round silver earrings.
Dani.
She sees me too and waves at me, gesturing for me to come closer to them.
“What has she done-?”
“Don’t say anything about the hair,” Parker warns me.
“Right.”
When I’m close enough, Dani says, grinning, “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“I didn’t know you’d be here either.”
“That’s because she’s not supposed to be,” James says through gritted teeth. “She’s supposed to be at school.”
Dani waves her hands, dismissing his words. “You think I’d miss celebrating with you, and a good rafting trip?”
I gulp. Suddenly, the sound of water flowing isn’t calming anymore, but menacing. “A what trip?” Neither of them pays attention to me.
“Since when are you into rafting?” James asks. “You’ve never wanted to come on rafting trips.”
Dani stomps her foot. “Since now.”
“How did you know we were coming here in the first place?” He frowns.
“Parker had his car brought here. And I… sneaked inside the car.”
“Fantastic,” James says, and I can’t withhold a smile. “Well, forget about rafting. You’re staying right here.”
“I’d like to see you make me.” Dani sticks her tongue out as James turns his back on her, heading back to the group. He squeezes my hand gently when he passes me, and the heat outside has nothing on the tingles of warmth that the soft touch of his skin sends through my entire body.
Dani looks at my hand with a knowing smile.
“So what about this rafting thing?” I ask her, biting the inside of my cheek.
“I’ll tell you in a second. I need your opinion on something. What do you think of my haircut?”
“Oh,” I say, remembering Parker’s warning. “Umm…”
Her smile drops a bit. “You don’t like it?”
“It’s just so… radical,” I say.
“That’s what I was aiming for,” she exclaims proudly. “James says I look like a boy.”
I couldn’t agree more, but telling Dani so will surely break her heart. “You don’t need anyone’s approval to cut your hair the way you want it.”
My answer brings a big grin to her face.
“I think it will perfectly match my new status as a college freshman,” she says, clapping her hands excitedly. I smile at her. Her enthusiasm reminds me of Jess’s before we started at Stanford. She didn’t only get a new haircut, but also a tattoo. I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. I don’t understand it now either. Going to college wasn’t that much of a change. But maybe I’ve had the wrong idea about change all along. I went to great lengths to change everything around me after Kate died. I even changed my continent. But maybe things only really change when we decide to change. Maybe the secret to freeing ourselves from our past and our fears lies inside us.
I could try that now. Changing myself-isn’t that what Jess told me again and again? What do I need to change? New York is a chance to do that. Building a new me. A better me. I don’t know how, but a new haircut doesn’t seem like a bad place to start.
“Any idea what haircut matches the status of a New York young professional?” I ask Dani, half joking, half frightened. “I’m moving there after graduation.”
Now her smile drops completely. She looks at something, someone-my bet is James-behind my shoulder, and says, “But I thought you and James… Why are you moving?”
“I received a great job offer there.”
“Oh. Are you nervous?”
“Not really,” I admit. For some reason, moving to a new place has never made me nervous. Not even when I was fourteen and came from England. Of course, that might be because I was too overwhelmed by grief to feel anything else. But I remember being as calm about moving as I am now. Ironic how I only seem to move from one place to the other because I’m running away from something, not toward something. Because no matter how hard I’m trying to convince everyone else, I know I would have never agreed so quickly to move to New York if I didn’t want to be as far away as possible from James.
What will I do when I run out of places to escape to?
“Well I am nervous,” she says. “I don’t know anyone in England. Thank God Parker is moving back to London.”
I wink. “Jess will also be moving there.”
“Jess, the friend with the bar accident?” Her eyes light up. “That’s wonderful. Jess seems to like going out a lot.”
“That she does.” I can’t imagine someone better to help Dani become the party girl she wants to be.
“Did I hear someone mention Jess?” Parker asks, appearing by my side.
“She just called to tell me she got that job in London,” I answer. “She’ll be moving there soon.”
Parker’s face melts into a grimace, and I fight hard to withhold a laugh. Whatever caused the intense dislike between the two of them, it seems to be much more serious than I gave it credit.
“Come on, Parker.” I elbow him. “There are quite a few people in London. I’m sure you’ll manage to avoid each other.”
“Why would you want to avoid Jess?” Dani asks, her eyebrows raised.
Parker scoffs.
If I’m honest, I’m pretty sure Jess won’t want to avoid him forever. She’ll seek him out just to annoy the hell out of him. That’s always been her strategy when someone bothers her as badly as Parker: first avoid them, and then badger them with a vengeance. As I watch Parker and Dani, an image of the two of them and Jess having fun in London starts forming in my mind. Well, Jess and Dani having fun, and Jess annoying Parker to death.
I, on the other hand, was alone in New York. That’s a cheerful thought.
“Has James changed his mind about letting me go raft
ng?” Dani asks Parker.
“I haven’t talked to him about it.”
Dani purses her lips, walking away.
“Will you please fill me in about the rafting thing?” I ask Parker, fidgeting my fingers behind my back.
“There’s not much to fill you in on,” he shrugs. “We’ll grab rafts, wetsuits, and paddles, then go rafting on the river.”
“On which river? Not this one, I hope. This looks like a deathtrap.”
“Are you kidding? This is one of the best rivers for rafting in the U. S. Though I have to admit it’s for more advanced rafters. Level four, I think.”
I scrape my hand through my hair, biting my lip. “How many levels are there?”
“Six.”
It’s not Parker who answers, but James.
I turn around slowly, folding my arms over my chest. He’s already wearing a blue wetsuit and a lopsided grin that takes my breath away. Thankfully, he stands a foot away from me. I think he knows what his proximity does to me.
“I’ll go get a wetsuit,” Parker excuses himself.
“Six levels, huh?” I mumble. “Well, you can count me out.”
“This is not dangerous, Serena.”
“Parker just said this is for advanced rafters. I’ve never been rafting in my life.”
“Which is why the rafts will be filled mostly with experienced rafters. There will only be one or two beginners in every raft. Besides, not the entire river is like this. There are large areas where the water is calmer and there are almost no rocks.”
Staring at the river, it’s hard to believe there are parts of it that look less deadly. I squirm in my spot, sinking half an inch in the mud below my feet.
“So you trusted me enough to jump from a plane with me, but you don’t trust me with this?”
“Skydiving seemed safer,” I say.
“Well,” he muses, “to be honest, this is a little more dangerous than that. But it’ll be a lot of fun.”
“You didn’t seem so willing to let Dani do it.”
His eyes darken, and he shakes his head. “That’s because Dani seems to be venturing into a lot of stuff lately. Some of it is life-threatening. I don’t want to encourage her.”
“Sounds legit.”
“I’d like nothing better than to spend this whole day alone with you, Serena,” he says, and his voice seems to have dropped an octave. He takes a step forward, but I immediately take one backward, keeping the distance between us. He freezes in his steps.
“And deprive the others of your presence?” I joke. “That wouldn’t be fair.”