This morning, Anna’s laughter rang in my ears, now I had to look at my daughter curled up in the narrow bed of the safe house, dressed in foreign pajamas. Her hair was still up in its pretty bridal crop. She had refused to let go of them.
Tears burned my eyes. They had been all day, and containing them became a harder and harder struggle with each passing moment. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the bed and let myself fall on the edge. I touched Anna’s neck, feeling the pins in there.
Anna sobbed into the pillow, completely shaken. I wished she had not witnessed the chaos, panic and open pain of Ines and Sofia; I wished I could protect her from the harsh realities of mass life. I wanted to preserve her and Leonas’ childhood as long as possible. Now it was over too soon.
Anna turned her head slightly, looking at me with terrified eyes. “Mom…”
I leaned down and kissed Anna’s temple, savoring her tears. Her anguish was worse than mine. “Can I take your pin out? You can’t sleep with your hair up like that.”
It was such a trivial thing to worry about.
Anna nodded and buried her face in the pillow again . I began to remove one pin after another until Anna’s brown hair unfurled down her back. I ran my fingers through the curls, trying to soothe myself as much as my daughter.
A creak made me turn my head. Leonas was standing in the doorway, dressed in oversized sweatpants and a T-shirt, his hair standing on end. He looked a little lost. Sometimes he looked older than his seven years, but that day he was the child I wanted him to stay as long as possible. ” Is your father back yet?” I asked.
Leonas shook his head and hesitantly walked in, his green eyes darting to his sobbing sister. He stopped at the end of the bed, watching Anna cry with a wary expression as if her tears were something contagious.
I stroked her hair almost mechanically.
I extended my other hand to Leonas, but he stayed where he was . He reminded me of Dante when it came to dealing with emotions and his problems. He was trying to solve them on his own.
It was well past midnight and, considering we had been up since dawn, we should have been tired, but neither of us wished to sleep.
“Can I play poker with Taft and Enzo? They told me I have to ask permission.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here?”
Leonas looked at Anna, then at me and shook his head abruptly. “I want to play poker.”
“Okay, then do it.” Everyone dealt with the trauma differently . If distraction had been Leonas’ balm, I would not have stopped him. He left quickly and I turned back to Anna, then lay down beside her. She lifted her head slightly to look at me . “Mother, are they going to kidnap me too?”
“No,” I said fiercely. “No, they won’t. You will always be safe. Always.”
Anna nodded. “Is that why Dad insists that I be homeschooled?”
Dante and I had actually considered sending Anna to the same private school that Leonas would attend at the beginning of the new school year in a few weeks. It was supposed to be a surprise for her. Now I wasn’t sure if we would do that. I actually wished Leonas could have been homeschooled as well, but Dante wouldn’t budge. “Yes.”
Anna bit her lip. “I feel so sorry for Sofia. I would be terrified if someone hurt Leonas.” I touched her head.
“Will they hurt Serafina?”
For Anna “they” were a general concept, a formless enemy who wanted to hurt us. She did not know it was the Camorra or what they represented. She could not imagine the horrors that might await Serafina at the hands of those monsters. How long would those fears remain unformed concepts for my daughter?
Eventually Anna fell asleep and I sneaked out of her room. I didn’t want to sleep; I was worried about letting my guard down without Dante nearby. I slipped down the hall toward the bedroom where Ines and Sofia were. I knocked softly.
“Come in,” I heard Ines’ rough voice.
I entered. Sofia was curled up in a blanket on an armchair, staring expressionlessly at a book while Ines peered out the window that gave her a view of the driveway.
She waited for her husband and son to bring her daughter back to her.
The room exuded anguish. Sofia looked up briefly but did not smile.
I paused beside Ines, following her gaze toward the lighted driveway. Several guards walked the perimeter with machine guns.
“I don’t think any form of torture could be worse than this,” she whispered. I watched his profile. Even with tears in her eyes, shaggy hair and jeans, Ines wore the famous Cavallaro pride with ease. It was something I had always admired. “I feel like someone is burning my heart.
Just thinking about what Serafina is going through…” Her voice trailed off and I saw her struggling to keep her composure.
Finally she looked at me. “This war has to end, Val. It has to end now. Too many people have already paid with their lives, and now my daughter’s life is at stake. I will not back down. Tell Dante to make a peace treaty with the Family and the Camorra. Let there be peace before it is too late. There is enough money to be made for every family.”
“After what Luca and Remo did, Dante will not have peace with them. It’s a matter of pride.”
“Pride.” Ines leaned her forehead against the window.
“We have to give them what they want. We have to save Fina.
We have to.”
“Ines-” “Can you leave, please?”
I took a step back. “Sure.” Sofia lowered her gaze to her book, avoiding my gaze. I turned and walked out of the room.
For a moment, I leaned against the wall outside the room. With every act of violence on both sides, peace was more unlikely.
I went down the stairs into the large common area where several guards were playing poker with Leonas. It was a strange sight, my young son perched on his chair, with all the armed and muscular men around him. His expression was focused and determined as he examined his cards. The men were drinking coffee or Coca-Cola, and Leonas also had a glass of that sugary mixture in front of him. I usually didn’t allow our children to drink it, except for New Year’s Eve or their birthdays, but today was no time for rules.
Enzo’s brown eyes slid over me and he stood up. The other men were about to do the same, but I quickly raised my palm to stop them.
“Please continue. I can’t sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“You won’t,” Enzo said. He dropped back down and signaled the other men to continue. “You can join us if you want.”
This earned him a few surprised looks from the other guards.
Leonas snorted. “Mama can’t play poker. She’s a woman.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” I approached the table. “I’m a good poker player. I used to run a casino.”
The men exchanged amused glances as Leonas’ eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Yes. Are you playing Texas Hold’em?” It was the only form of poker I was good at.
“Yes, we are,” said a boy right next to me. It took me a second to recognize him as Enzo’s son. They had the same chestnut hair and light brown eyes. Only his name was not coming to mind.
“Would you mind if I joined you to show my son that even a woman can play poker?”
Laughter.
Enzo’s son pushed back his chair and stood up, towering over me. “You can take my chair. I’ll go get something to eat.” He was a handsome man in his 20s with dimples that probably got him a lot of attention from women. Dante had mentioned him before because he worked as the second Enforcer with Arturo. He was the moderate butcher between the two. Finally, his name came to mind.
“Thank you, Santino.”
He bowed his head, then turned and strolled away. An expression of pride painted itself on Enzo’s face. I sank down. “What are the limits?”
“Ten and twenty.”
I realized that I did not have my wallet with me. In the confusion of the day, I wasn’t even sure where it was.
“Someone will have to lend me money.”
An older man in front of me pulled out a wad of cash and gave me half of it. “I offer fair interest rates.”
I chuckled.
“I negotiated them with him,” Leonas said proudly.
I squinted my eyes. “Hmm. Very good.” Considering Leonas did not yet know how to calculate rates, I doubted the rates were fair. “I’ll let Dante go over the details of our deal later.”
The men thundered.
“Let’s say we forget about the interest rates,” he said with a glance. Considering he was my father’s age, I knew it was typical soldier humor, and I actually preferred it to the stiff reverence I often received.
Leonas smiled at me as we began to play. I could see that a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was still young, younger than Anna, and it was easier for him to overcome the seriousness of the situation.
I let myself be distracted by the game and Leonas’ enthusiasm to prove his worth.
My eyes tingled with fatigue when the front door opened in the early morning. I leapt to my feet and so did everyone else. Dante, Peter, Danilo and Samuel entered, looking exhausted, ruffled and subdued. The rising sun illuminated their disconsolate faces almost mockingly.
Leonas launched himself toward them and hugged Dante in the center.
“Did you catch the bad guys?”
One look at Dante’s face made me realize that they did not. They did not know where Serafina was. My heart clenched tightly as I thought about what he would do to Ines.
“No, we didn’t,” Dante said softly.
“But soon you will catch the bad guys?”
The bad guys. My eyes fell on the four men in the hall with their guns, their eyes tired and their bodies scarred. I wondered if the Camorra kids asked their dads the same question when they talked about us. Would Luca’s son have asked his father the same question when talking about Dante? Evil was always a matter of perspective.
Yet, one thing was certain, the Falcones were the worst.
Even in our world.
Danilo shook his head with a hard expression and stealthily walked past us toward the bar cabinet, pouring himself a generous amount of a dark liquid. “Why the fuck are you gambling in a situation like this?” he growled at the soldiers.
The men lowered their heads.
Footsteps rumbled upstairs. Ines followed by Sofia descended the stairs like a fury. Sofia did not stop and threw herself straight at Peter who hugged her tightly. Ines froze midway when she saw the men’s expressions.
“No,” she whispered. “No.” She clung to the railing and let herself fall slowly. “No!”
Sofia lifted her head, looking at Ines, then Peter and Samuel. Her young face grew darker. Samuel staggered toward his mother and pulled her to her feet. She clutched him desperately and sobbed.
The guards disappeared to other parts of the house to give us privacy and to escape Danilo’s open wrath.
My eyes met Dante’s, but his expression was a mask of control. It had to be bad if he was acting that way.
The glass shattered.
I gasped and realized that Danilo had thrown his glass against the wall. He gripped the edge of the table hard, anger burning on his face.
Dante cleared his throat, but nothing penetrated Danilo’s fog of despair.
Peter accompanied Sofia upstairs, while Samuel helped Ines. I approached Dante, touching his shoulder. He turned a tugged smile on me. It hurt all over. “I’m going to take Leonas to bed and then check on Anna. Why don’t you go ahead and get some sleep?”
I nodded, although I didn’t feel tired at all.
Dante went up the stairs with Leonas.
I cast a sidelong glance at Danilo, who was still hunched over the table, and considered going over to him to offer words of reassurance, but he seemed like a man who preferred to deal with his grief alone. He straightened up and noticed me.
“This is not the wedding night I had imagined.” The words resonated with despair and anger at the same time. He was a man struggling for composure. I wasn’t sure what to say to him and had a feeling he didn’t want me to say anything. Suddenly, his expression softened. He approached in large strides. “Tell Dante that I am going to my family’s villa. I will return tomorrow morning to continue our search.”
He didn’t wait for my answer; he just left, leaving the door ajar. I closed it and then leaned against it, trying to keep my composure. I pushed open the door and went upstairs.
The hallway was dark except for the light filtering in from under our bedroom door. I opened it.
Dante sat on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his thighs, looking a little dazed and guilty.
I stopped beside him and touched his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”
Dante shook his head, his mask falling back into place.
I hated that he felt the need to do this, but he also told me that his inner turmoil was so strong that he wanted to protect me . “I am Chief. This is my territory and it is my duty to protect my people, my family. Serafina should have been safe.”
“No one could have predicted this, not even you. It is dishonorable to attack a marriage. Remo Falcone plays by his own rules.”
“He will try to force me into his game,” Dante said softly, but a vein of anger pervaded his voice.
“What do you think he wants from Serafina?” asked .
He shook his head. “I’m not sure of her motives.”
He was lying, and that was more of an answer than his actual words. My goodness, rumors about the Camorra sent a chill down every woman’s spine. “You will save her in time.”
Dante stood up, his eyes almost wild. “Will I? In time for what? It may be too late as we speak. For all we know , Serafina’s desecrated body has already been left, so we will find it. Do you realize what kind of horrors Remo Falcone is capable of, Val?”
I stared at him, my heart pounding in my throat.
He clutched my arms in too tight a grip. His anger was not directed at me, but, my God, it hit me like a hurricane, leaving me disoriented and shaken. “I’m a monster, but even I haven’t done half the depraved acts that Falcone is capable of. Remo delights in torture as if it were his favorite fucking drug. And his crazy brother is a psychopath in the true sense of the word. He can’t feel anything. He can tear you apart and have a pleasant conversation with you while he does it. He could maul women and children without a spike in his fucking heartbeat . Serafina is at the mercy of men like him, Val.”
My lips opened for words of consolation that would do nothing and so Dante did not let them pass.
He pulled me against him and kissed me brutally.
His kiss was hard, angry and desperate at the same time.
I responded to his kiss even though I was not aroused. It was not about lust. He ripped my jeans until they piled up at my feet with my panties, and I staggered out of them.
He pushed me down on the bed and climbed on top of me , spreading my legs. Two of his fingers slid inside me, testing my readiness. His zipper hissed and then filled me with a strong thrust. I arched in discomfort. Dante blinked at me, and his guilt flared in the dark fog of his anger. I crossed my legs over his lower back and pulled him down onto me, raking my fingers over his back. I wanted to show him it was okay.
His lips pressed against mine again and he began to thrust into me, hard and fast, his movements fueled by his anguish, which seemed to cloak us both.
The pain was good, it was welcome.
This was not the lustful pain I had come to appreciate. This was pain, pure and simple, a drop of physical discomfort and an ocean of emotional pain. My body struggled against both, but I gave in until the tears I had been holding back all day finally burst .
Dante remained motionless above me. He had not come. I doubted that he had felt pleasure. His face sank against my throat and he shuddered as he began to soften inside me.
He did not cry; he had never done so in all the time I had known him. “What am I going to do?”
“You will lead us out of this, Dante. I have faith in you and no matter what you decide, I will be by your side. I will always be there.”