I stifled my annoyance and kept my expression stern as I shoved my hands in my pockets. “It’s her or no one . I don’t want a little girl by my side. Valentina is perfectly capable of giving me what I need.”
My father sighed, his milky blue eyes tried to stare at me , but he had aged and the only thing protecting him from an early grave was the fact that I respected my mother and knew that many men admired my father despite his many faults.
“Talk to John. I’m sure he will jump at the chance for marriage.”
Without another word, I walked out of his office and continued out of my parents’ house toward my car while texting Giovanni that I was going on a business matter.
I did not see Valentina or her mother anywhere when Giovanni led me into his office, obviously confused by my appearance. “Is something wrong, Dante? I’m sure our men will keep Grigory’s soldiers at bay.”
“That’s not why I’m here.” I accepted the drink he handed me before sinking onto the couch. John sat across from me, with a flash of unease in his eyes. Did he think I was there because I was going to remove him from his position as Sub-Chief now that I had become the Chief of the Outfit? After all , we were the only Mafia family where the Chief allowed an Underboss in his own town.
“Have you found a husband for your daughter yet?”
He lowered his glass with a confused expression. “I have a couple of suitors who would be willing to accept a widow. They are soldiers like Antony, but I really didn’t expect to be able to find a better companion for her. I never should have accepted her marriage to Antony in the first place, but I wanted to see her happy and now see where it got us.”
He shook his head and unbuttoned his jacket as he relaxed in his chair.
I nodded even though I didn’t care. “If she is not yet promised to someone, I would ask you to give me her hand in marriage.”
John coughed as he choked on scotch tape, his eyes filling with tears. “Excuse me?”
“I would like to marry your daughter, if that’s okay with you.”
John stared at me for so long that I wondered if he had had a stroke, then laughed. When I didn’t fall for it, he fell silent and cleared his throat. “You’re serious.”
“Yes. I want to marry Valentina in January before I become chief.”
John slumped against the backrest, let out a low sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, looking seriously stunned. “I didn’t see that coming.”
“I can see that.”
“Does your father agree to let you marry someone who is not pure?”
My lips tightened. “I don’t ask permission, Giovanni.
You know as well as I do that I already rule the Outfit.
My word is law.”
Giovanni nodded, swirling his drink in his glass and shaking his head again. “Why my daughter, Dante?”
I did not expect that question. “I thought you would be happy about a union between Valentina and me.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I am, and Livia will no doubt be overjoyed to have you as a son-in-law, especially after all the trouble Horace has given us,” she said quickly, but did not look at him. She took another sip, obviously weighing her next words. “But you have nothing to gain from a union like this.”
“I will gain a beautiful wife and a mother for my children.”
“There are dozens of girls in our territory who could give you the same thing with the added bonus of being their first husband.”
“I am not interested in having a teenage girl by my side, nor do I see an advantage in being with a virgin.”
John grimaced and something in his eyes changed.
It was a subtle change, but I noticed it because I had learned to pay attention to small details. This was a man who had gone from asking me as my Sub-Chief to questioning me as Valentina’s father. “You know me, Dante, I mind my own business, but in my position I would have to be deaf not to hear the occasional rumor.” His eyes met mine. “I know you used to hang out at the Palermo. Tommaso and Raffaele are men who like to hear themselves talk, you know.”
“Say what you have to say,” I said coldly, although I had a feeling I knew where I was going with this.
“In their words, and I quote ‘you went there to fuck your anger out of your system.'”
“How I spend my nights is my business and so is my sexual preference.”
“They are, unless you intend to use Val to get rid of your anger. She is not a virgin, all right, but I will not have her abused because you think your conscience will give you less trouble with an experienced woman.”
John was a loyal soldier, a good Sub-Chief and a better man than I had thought. Rocco like so many other men would have turned his daughters over to me without question , but Giovanni wanted to protect Valentina and I respected him for that, which was why I had given him pause for the way he had spoken to me. “I don’t have a conscience that could trouble me,” I blurted out. “But I can assure you that I will not abuse Valentina, virgin or not. You know my position on domestic violence and rape, Giovanni. You were by my side when I tried to dominate her.”
He tilted his head but his expression remained cautious.
I pondered what to say to him. He was right when he said I wanted Valentina because I hoped she would be willing to settle for a bond of convenience that extended to angry sex.
I was not seeking closeness or love, but a way to fulfill my duty to the Outfit. If this bond allowed me to vent my anger without using prostitutes, it would be an added benefit, but only if Valentina wanted the same. “I want your daughter as my wife because we have both lost someone and this is a basis on which we can build a mutually beneficial bond.” “It’s a reason I can accept, but I’m not sure Val shares our views.” “She seems like a woman who sees reason. I’m sure she will agree that this is the best solution for both of us.” “I’m sure she will,” he said slowly. There was a note in her voice that I could not identify, but it was irrelevant.
“So it’s settled then?” He lifted his glass. “It is.” We clinked glasses and drank, then I left, I had more urgent business to attend to now that the problem of my marriage had been solved. The wedding was not as splendid as could be expected from a man in my position, but it was greater than I would have liked . Valentina was a beautiful bride, elegant and sophisticated in her cream-colored gown. My attention should have been on her, only her, from the moment she stepped into the church, even more so when she arrived at my side and her father handed her over to me. And yet, I struggled to stay in the present, not to be brought back many years to another wedding ceremony, to another woman. The woman who still haunted my nights with her pain-filled eyes. When it was time for our kiss, I clenched inside. I had not kissed a woman since Carla’s death.
It was too intimate a gesture, too emotional. But Valentina was my wife and everyone expected us to exchange a kiss. I did not show my conflict, did not allow a moment’s hesitation as I lowered my mouth to Valentina’s waiting lips. The reluctance I expected from this intimate contact did not come, the guilt, however, came upon me like an avalanche. I pulled back, catching Valentina’s inquiring expression, and turned toward the guests. Valentina thought that our wedding would allow her to snoop behind my walls-she would soon be disappointed. The wedding was a series of meaningless conversations, forced smiles and congratulations that I could hardly accept. Dancing was only marginally better. I let Aria go after our ritual dance and she quickly returned to Luca’s side while I left the dance floor to clear my head a bit. Horace stopped aside on his own, and I headed toward him. He straightened a little when he noticed my approach. “Dante,” he said, his eyes cautious.
Our relationship had always been distant, and I doubted it would change now. “Have you resolved your dispute with your father?”
“It can hardly be called a dispute. He told me his opinion and expects me to follow his orders.” I nodded. “Our world is dominated by old rules that cannot be easily broken. It often seems that there are only duties and little choice.” Horace’s mouth tightened. “I know. Duty is a word I know all too well.” I searched his eyes. “Giving up someone we care about is never easy, but a marriage of convenience can be mutually beneficial.” Even to my ears those words sounded hollow. My eyes followed Matthew as he bowed to Valentina and pulled her close to him. Anger surged through me at his open disrespect. “Is that what Valentina is to you: convenient?” I threw Horatio a sharp look. “I will not discuss my marriage with you. Nor will I meddle in your affairs.” Horace looked away. “If I talked to my father, he might reason.” “I cannot meddle in family matters. Your father has always been a loyal man.” Valentina’s laughter echoed throughout the room. My gaze spotted her as she smiled broadly at something Matteo must have said. “Excuse me,” I said to Horatio, who simply nodded, and walked toward Valentina and Matteo. For some inexplicable reason, it did not sit well with me that Valentina seemed completely at ease with Matteo. Her charm was well known. “I think it’s my turn again,” I said as I reached them, my voice cracking.
Matteo’s mouth twitched. “Of course. Who could stay away from such a dark beauty for long?” Then he kissed Valentina’s hand in a way that made my blood boil. The open provocation spoke of the dark fury that had been lying dormant under a thin layer of control all day. Valentina grabbed my hand before I could decide whether killing Matteo would give me the satisfaction I needed to justify war with the Family. Aria was smart enough to drag Matteo away.
“I thought you wanted to dance with me?”
Valentina’s words interrupted my thoughts.
I pulled her against me and began leading her onto the dance floor, even though the soft music did not match my heartbeat.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“Hm?”
“What made you laugh?”
“He made a joke about bushes.”
A hint of embarrassment flashed across Valentina’s face.
“He should be more careful.”
“I think he’s a little tense because of the problems between Gianna and him.”
“From what I’ve heard, he’s always been volatile, even before his engagement to the Scuderi girl.”
“Not everyone is as controlling as you are.”
If he had known how little I wanted to control myself tonight, he would not have said that.
I was relieved when the subsequent festivities came to an end and Valentina and I sat in the silence of my Mercedes headed for my villa. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had betrayed Carla that day, my promise to her, our love, the memory that had kept me from losing myself completely in the darkness, but I hoped that at least from the outside I looked composed, in control. But I was tired of being in control, tired of maintaining an appearance of coolness when I wanted to rage and destroy.
It had been many months since I had last visited Palermo, the last time I had released at least some of the pent-up fury. One would think that my life provided enough opportunities to relieve some of the tension, and I had certainly made sure to take part in more attacks than in previous years, but it didn’t seem like enough. Instead of quelling the fury and sadness coursing through my veins, each act of violence seemed to light a new and hotter fire in my chest. Valentina gave me a sidelong glance, perhaps annoyed by our lack of conversation, but I could not indulge her in small talk, not at that moment.
I was trying to honor her as my wife, but that required that I not lose control, and as it was, my composure was suspended at a threat. Throughout the evening, I had struggled with myself. I was angry at the situation, at everything, even at Valentina, which was unreasonable since this marriage had not even been her idea. I was proud of my logical qualities, but at that moment emotions got the better of everything else and threatened to tear me and the image I had built for myself .
I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove