Gianna No one had ever looked at me like that, as if I were the ‘only source of water in a time of drought. And by God, I liked it. Part of me at least, the other part, the stubborn part , wanted to hold on to anger, sadness and indignation, and not give a damn about Matthew’s desire for me.
In the last twenty-four hours my dreams had been shattered and an innocent life had been taken away. I felt it was my duty to fight this marriage and the tingle that flooded my body every time Matthew touched me. I owed it to Sid and to self-respect. I had fought too hard and too long to be free.
Before I could decide what to do , Matthew pulled me against him and grabbed my mouth in a fierce kiss that made me gasp, then stiffen. His tongue slipped between my lips and, without meaning to, I opened for him, parted my lips and wrestled his tongue against mine. My hands slipped into his hair, pulling him, scraping him, wanting him closer and at the same time wanting to push him away.
Matteo grabbed my butt and pulled me up. My legs wrapped around his waist, but our lips never parted. My body was on fire with lust. No kiss before had come close to this. Matthew began to walk, leading me toward his bed.
Fight this, Gianna. Fight this. You owe it to Sid.
But I was tired of fighting for today, tired of my emotions. Today I just wanted to feel, to let my body take control, to forget everything at least for a few hours. There would be plenty of time to resist later in this marriage.
Matthew threw me on the bed and the air suddenly rushed out of my lungs, but I didn’t have much time to recover because suddenly he was on top of me and his lips were back. His hand slipped under my T-shirt, grazing my stomach with his fingertips, then the sensitive skin above my ribs. He grabbed my breast through my bra and I arched against him. He pulled away and I could barely suppress a sound of protest. He seemed to know it though. He smiled in that arrogant way as he pulled my shirt up over my head and unhooked my bra. My nipples hardened and his smile widened even more.
Discomfort overwhelmed me. He looked so damn confident, certain of his victory over me. He had another idea coming.
“What would you do if I said ‘no’?” I asked in a defiant tone.
I expected anger or annoyance in return.
“You won’t,” he said without a hint of doubt in his voice. I looked at him but he gave me no time for a nasty retort. He lowered his head to my breasts and sucked an erect nipple into his mouth. A moan escaped me before I could hold back and Matthew left me no time to gather myself, to raise my defenses. His mouth was relentless. The sensations spreading through my body were almost excessive. How could he make me feel this way? His tongue circled my nipple before moving to the other, leaving a wet trail between my breasts. I shivered. Matteo’s eyes were glued to my face. He wanted to see me surrender to him, wanted to enjoy this victory to the last. I resisted the temptation to close my eyes. He would see it as another victory. I wouldn’t give him that, too. He gently bit my nipple and I moaned, even louder than the first time.
With a smirk he moved lower, sticking his tongue in my navel. I squealed like an idiot little girl and tried to pull away from him, but his hands came down on my hips, holding them tight, while his tongue found every tender spot on my stomach and hips. I was laughing so hard that tears filled my eyes. I had expected him to be rougher after what he had witnessed, I had almost wanted him, but this playful side? This startled me because he seemed likeable, even adorable. I pushed his forehead. “Stop it!” I gasped in laughter.
“What’s the magic word?” he murmured against a particularly tender spot just above my iliac bone.
“Fuck off,” I said softly. I braced myself, but I didn’t stop the squeals and laughter when Matthew ran his tongue over my pelvis. I was about to beg when suddenly he stopped his assault. He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down. His eyes traveled down my legs and his hands followed the same path, barely touching my skin.
His movements were almost reverent; I didn’t understand. Disgust and fury, those I would have understood.
When he kissed me through my panties, I stood still. I knew what he wanted to do. No one had ever done that. It felt very personal, as if I had to bare myself before him not only in a physical sense, and I couldn’t do that , I wouldn’t, no matter how much my body craved that experience . Matteo grabbed my panties and slid them down my legs. He leaned against the backrest for a moment, admiring me. “I wondered if you were a redhead.”
I rolled my eyes, despite the blush spreading across my cheeks. “Isn’t that what every man wonders?”
I realized a moment too late that mentioning other men was not the best idea in my current situation.
“How did you explain that to the other guys you’ve been with? Brown on top and red on the bottom?” His voice and eyes had become harder, more dangerous.
No one had ever seen me like this. The words lay on the tip of my tongue. “I thought you wanted to fuck me. I don’t feel like chatting.”
Matthew shook his head. “Oh, I’ll fuck you, don’t worry.” He placed his lips on mine, and I returned the kiss with equal force. “Look, don’t think,” became my mantra.
His hands roamed my body until they found their way between my legs. I forced myself to relax despite my nerves. When his fingers grazed my folds, I gasped against his lips. The sensations were delicious. His thumb found my nerve bundle and began to massage it. Two of his fingers slid back and forth along my slit as his thumb pressed on my clit. Maybe my mind didn’t want Matthew, but my body was so eager for him it was ridiculous.
My toes bent as he pushed me higher with his fingers.
I grabbed his neck, pulling him even closer, making his tongue fight with mine as my orgasm crashed over me. My nails sank into his skin but this seemed to excite him even more judging by the growl deep in his chest. Suddenly two of his fingers reached down and grazed my opening.
The fear increased. Joining my legs together, I pushed his chest and pulled my lips away from his.
“Stop with the foreplay,” I said breathlessly. What if he could feel something with his fingers? I doubted his cock was as sensitive as his fingers.
A hint of a frown crossed Matthew’s expression but then he slid off the bed with a mischievous smile. He stood in front of the bed. The bulge in his pants was unmistakable.
He did not give me much time to wonder what was hiding under the fabric. His hands rushed to unbutton his shirt, then he slid it off his strong shoulder and let it fall to the floor. That was the first time I had seen him without his shirt. I had already glimpsed his six-pack through the white shirt, but it could not compare to seeing him shirtless. My heart clenched with desire. Although Matteo’s personality was getting on my nerves, my body definitely reacted to his appearance. His hands moved to his pants and in one swift movement he let both his pants and boxers fall to the floor. When he straightened up, it took all my acting skills to mask my embarrassment and nervousness at the sight of him fully erect.
I really should have listened to Aria, but even as the thought crossed my mind I knew I was too proud to tell Matthew the truth. My eyes took the time to observe every inch of him, not even caring that he was smiling at my obvious admiration.
And boy, was he gorgeous. Everything about him was, his chiseled chest and his six-pack, even his cock. I hated him for that. I hated the way my body reacted to him so quickly and easily when it had never reacted to Sid or the other guys I had made out with. He advanced on the bed, every move agile and calculated. Every move aimed to show off his muscles and strength. God, I wished he hadn’t impressed me. He rested one knee on the bed, fixing me with a look that made me shiver.
“Stop kidding around,” I hissed because my nerves were getting the better of me and that was the last thing I needed.
And he did as I asked. He moved to the bed and climbed between my legs, grabbing my hips with a grim smile. “I’m going to make you forget every fucking guy you’ve ever been with.”
I glared at him, and was about to answer him unpleasantly, when he abruptly pulled my hips and came down on me with a loud thump. I arched with a cry as pain shot through me. Damn. Aria wasn’t kidding. It was fucking painful. So much for keeping it a secret. I took a few quick breaths through my nose, closing my eyes. “Oh boy,” I gasped when I could speak again. It was much worse than I thought. I slowly opened my eyes, dreading what I would see. I was going to have to bite down on a fucking pillow, or even my stupid tongue.
Matteo had frozen above me as he stared at me in surprise. “Gianna?”
My face flamed. “Shut up,” I murmured. I loosened the fingers that had clawed at the sheet.
Matteo’s eyes were soft. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I decided to play dumb. Maybe I could have convinced him that he was not what he seemed. “Tell you what?”
A mischievous smile curved his lips, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his face. He obviously didn’t believe my lie.
He was not an idiot. He was a master manipulator and I obviously had a lot to learn before I could fool him.
“That I am your first,” he said. Was he supposed to sound so … relieved and proud?
If I hadn’t been worried that taking his cock out would hurt me as much as taking it in, I would have pushed him off. Being under him made it difficult to have a fair discussion.
I squinted my eyes. “I thought we were going to fuck?
I’m tired of talking to you.”
Matthew leaned on his hands, drawing us closer . I stiffened from the twinge caused by the movement.
“First I want you to answer my question. Why? You could have saved yourself a lot of pain if you had told me,” he said calmly. It seemed to be the easiest thing in the world for him to be buried deep inside me and have a talk.
When it became clear that he would wait until I gave him what he wanted, I said, “Because I didn’t want you to know.”
His smile became even more arrogant. “Because you didn’t want to admit that you were waiting for me.”
“I didn’t wait for you. Now stop talking and fuck me, damn it.” It was getting too personal and I hated how vulnerable I was, naked inside and out. How could I stop feeling if Matteo kept asking me things I didn’t want to think about?
Matteo would not take his eyes off me. They were dark and possessive and seemed to stare right through me. Had it not been defeat, I would have looked away. He pulled out slowly before sliding in, and I stiffened in pain.
My body was a horrible traitor. At least this time I managed to hold back a gasp. Matthew moved slowly and carefully, flexing his muscles with each thrust.
I hated that he was thoughtful. I hated that he wasn’t acting like a total asshole, hated that hating him wasn’t as easy as I thought. If he wasn’t an asshole, then somehow Sid’s death was even more my fault, because my escape was pointless, selfish, and unfounded.
I grabbed his shoulders. “Stop holding back.”
Matthew’s eyebrows came together but he still did not move faster.
I sank my fingers into his skin and wiggled my hips despite the pain between my legs. “Stop holding back!”
This time he listened. His eyes flashed and then he crashed into me harder and faster. I closed my eyes as I clung to his shoulder. I probably left nail marks. I didn’t care and Matthew didn’t seem to care if his rapid breathing was indicative.
The pain felt good, gave me something to focus on besides overwhelming guilt. But there was more than pain. Soon the tense sensation turned into exquisite pressure, a low hum of pleasure I had never felt before. Matteo lowered himself, changing the angle at which he thrust into me, hitting an incredible spot deep inside me. Matteo’s mouth found my throat and then lightly bit my skin. A moan escaped my lips. My eyes opened wide, meeting Matteo’s intense gaze. I could not look away. I wanted to draw him close and away at the same time, wanted to hide and open up to him, wanted and didn’t want to. “Are you going to come?” – squealed Matthew.
I shook my head “no,” not trusting my voice. Maybe I could have come. I was feeling better and better, but I needed to create space between Matteo and me, needed time to control my emotions before they overwhelmed me. I was confused, tired and sad.
Matteo lifted himself up on his arms again and sped up even more, hitting me over and over again, then he stretched above me, his face contracted in pleasure, and damn, he looked magnificent, like something even Michelangelo couldn’t have created better . . Matthew’s movements became jerky and then he stopped, his eyes closed, a few strands of dark hair stuck to his forehead.
My fingers itched to brush them away, to touch his lips and jaw. Instead I let my hands leave his shoulders and rested them on the bed beside me, where they couldn’t do something stupid, something I would regret later.
Matthew’s eyes slowly opened and I took a quiet breath. Why couldn’t he stop looking at me like that?
He wasn’t smiling; he was only piercing me with his somber gaze.
I pushed against his chest. “You’re getting heavy. Get off .” The corners of his mouth twitched, then he slowly pulled out and let himself fall on the bed beside me and reached out to me as if he wanted to hug me.
Panicked, I sat up and slid off the bed. If he hugged me now, if he acted as if we were a real couple, taking care of each other, I would lose my mind. I headed for the bathroom, not bothering to cover myself. Matthew had already seen me all over, and I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that I was ashamed to be naked in front of him.
I did not hear him chasing me but suddenly Matteo grabbed my hand, preventing me from disappearing into the safety of the bathroom. Our eyes met. His were almost
sorry. “I shouldn’t have been so hard on you, but you know how to push my damn buttons, Gianna. Did I hurt you ?”
Concern, there it was again. Damn. Why couldn’t he stop acting like he was a normal guy? Did he really think this would make me forget who and what he really was?
“Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.”
“I don’t. I loved every fucking second of it. I waited a long time for this moment. I spent almost every moment of my quest imagining having your warm body under me. But in my imagination you moaned my name and had multiple orgasms. Surely you were not in pain.”
The arrogant bastard. “Just keep imagining it. It won’t happen.”
Matthew leaned against the doorframe, trapping me in his arms. “Your body reacted to me, Gianna, even if you don’t want to admit it. Next time you come while I’m fucking you, trust me.
“What makes you think my body was reacting to you?
Maybe I imagined I was with someone else. The mind is a powerful tool.” I tried to slide under his arm but he pushed me against the doorframe. “Maybe I imagined it was Sid and not you who was fucking me.”
Matthew didn’t even blink. He didn’t believe a word I said. Damn!
“If you really wanted Sid to be your first, you would have let him fuck you. So why didn’t you?”
“Because you killed him!”
Matthew smiled. “We both know that’s not the reason , but let’s pretend it’s true. Then I’m glad he’s dead. That idiot didn’t deserve the privilege.
I couldn’t believe him. “Asshole. I knew you would like it , that’s why I didn’t tell you.”
Matthew moved closer until less than an inch remained between our lips. “But I know and I will never forget. You’re mine now, Gianna, and I damn well love that I caught you before you found a loser to pop your cherry with.
I tried to slap him but he grabbed my wrist and even kissed my palm with a satisfied smile. I took his hand away. A myriad of insults ran through my mind, too many to choose just one.