Gianna After my lip was taken care of, Aria and I were allowed to go to my old room while the men discussed how to proceed with the wedding. Two bodyguards were ordered to guard me. One waited in front of the door, the other under the window, in case I decided to leave.
The moment the door to my room closed, I leaned against it and let out a trembling sigh.
Aria touched my cheek. “How is your lip?”
“It’s fine. Matthew sewed it for me.”
“I’m so glad he decided to marry you.”
My eyebrows rose. “Not you too, Aria.”
Aria dragged me to the bed and sat me down.
“Father would have given you to one of his soldiers as punishment, Gianna. And you can be sure he would have chosen the least attractive option. Someone really bad.
He’s really mad at you. Matteo is not a bad choice. He must take care of you if he went out of his way to find you.
“He is a proud man. Pride made him go after me, nothing else.”
“Maybe,” she said uncertainly. She took a brush from the nightstand. Everything was still as I had left it six months ago. I was surprised that Dad hadn’t burned all my things. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. It was almost seven o’clock in the evening.
In Germany it would have been past midnight . I couldn’t believe how much had happened since I had woken up in Munich that morning.
“Was it worth it?” asked Aria softly as she combed my hair. I couldn’t remember the last time she had done it. Her fingers felt good on my scalp and I had to resist the urge to bury my face against her stomach and cry.
I met his compassionate gaze and for some reason his understanding infuriated me. “Was the chance to get freedom worth pissing off Dad and being called a whore and a slut? Yes absolutely. But was my stupid desire for something more worth the life of an innocent boy? Then fuck no. My whole existence is not worth that much. Sid paid the highest price for my selfishness. There is nothing I can do to redeem myself.” My ears came to my eyes.
“Luca told me,” Aria said. “I’m so sorry.”
I wiped the tears from my face. “Maybe I should let my father marry me to one of his sadistic soldiers. It would be good for me.”
“Don’t say that, Gianna. You deserve happiness as much as anyone else. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. It’s not your fault they killed Sid.”
“How can you say such a thing? Of course it’s my fault. I knew who was hunting me. I knew what Matteo and Papa’s men were capable of. I knew I was putting at risk anyone I let get close. That’s why I never dated any guy in all the other places I stayed. I flirted and kissed, but then I moved on. Your words from long ago always echoed in my mind.
That being with another boy when you are engaged to a man like Luca would mean the death of that boy.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. It happened a long time ago.”
“But Matteo is just like Luca, and I knew that. I knew he would kill whoever he found with me, but I was still going out with Sid. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself!”
“NO. You didn’t think he was going to get you. You wanted to feel at home and start a new life as you deserved after being on the run for so long. You felt safe and wanted to give love a chance. Okay.”
“NO. No, it isn’t. You don’t understand, Aria. It wasn’t even about love. I didn’t even have a real crush on Sid.
In the end I didn’t even like him that much because he could be a jerk, and that made it even worse. I risked too much for sloppy kissing and awkward groping, and Sid died because of it.
“Please don’t blame yourself. Blame Father and his men. It’s all Matthew’s fault. I don’t care, but don’t blame yourself.
“Oh, I’m blaming them all, don’t worry, but that doesn’t change the fact that without me Sid would still be playing his lousy guitar and flirting with girls in Monaco.”
“You can’t change the past, Gianna, but you can make the best of your future.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve missed your optimism.” I rested my head on her lap and closed my eyes. “I’ve missed you so much.”
He stroked my hair. “I’ve missed you, too. I am so happy that you will live in New York with me.
“First I have to marry Matteo. How am I going to be a wife, Aria?”
“He and Luca work so much. You won’t have to see him very often.
“But still. I’ll have to sleep with him, share a bed with him and try to be civil with him for who knows how long.
It’s not like he’s going to give me another chance to run for office.”
“Are you thinking of running again?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think. Matteo can be fun and he’s handsome, so at least on a physical level he shouldn’t be that bad. I’m sure he’s a good lover considering how many girls he’s had in the past.
I made myself small. “Right. If we go back to New York tonight, he’ll probably expect to sleep with me.
Aria scrutinized my face. “Are you worried that he will take out his anger on you for sleeping with other guys before him?”
“I never have.”
Aria blinked. “You never did what?”
“I’ve never slept with any guy. I would have if I had a little more time to get to know a guy, but I never did.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? Father treated you horribly. Maybe he would forgive you if you told him the truth. She moved as if she wanted to come down and tell him herself, but I pulled her down on the bed.
“Don’t do that,” I said firmly. “I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t care if they call me a slut. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing.”
Aria gave me a look that made it clear she thought I had lost my mind. “You have to tell Matteo at least. You have to.”
“Why? So he can brag about being my first? Fuck no. He’s already acting like he’s my savior. It would only be worse if he found out.” “No, you have to tell him so he can be careful.”
I huffed. “I don’t need him to be careful. I don’t want him to know.”
“Gianna, if your first time is anything like mine you’ll thank your lucky stars if Matthew is careful, trust me.”
“I will survive.” But Aria’s words were beginning to make me nervous.
“That’s ridiculous. If he thinks you have experience, he might accept you without much preparation. It will really hurt.”
I shake my head. “Aria, please. I have made my decision.
I don’t want Matteo to know. It’s none of his business.”
“What if he found out anyway? I couldn’t have hidden it in any way from Luca.”
“I’m good at hiding pain. Maybe I’ll bite into a pillow.
Aria laughed. “That sounds like the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”
Someone knocked. I sat up quickly, my stomach knotted. What if Dad and Dante changed their minds and I stayed in Chicago?
When the door opened and Mom entered, I exhaled . She did not smile or try to approach. She was the picture of a perfect Italian wife, always dressed appropriately, always submissive and polite, and incredibly adept at hiding her bruises whenever her father lost his temper and slapped her.
She was everything I never wanted to become. If Matthew had ever slapped me, I would have hit him back, whatever the consequences.
“The priest is coming. He will be here in fifteen minutes. We have to get you ready for the ceremony,” he said in a practical tone.
My eyes widened. “So soon?”
Mother nodded. “The Vitiellos want to go back to New York as soon as possible, which is probably for the best.”
I got out of bed, then slowly approached Mother. “Dad will be happy to see me go.”
‘What about you? I wanted to ask but didn’t dare.
Mom raised her hand and brushed my cheek for a moment before stepping back. “You shouldn’t have run away. You’ve ruined your reputation.”
“I don’t care about my reputation.”
“But you should.” He turned to my wardrobe and opened it. “Now let’s see if there is a dress you can wear for the ceremony. Of course I would have liked to see you walk down the aisle in a beautiful white wedding dress. He sighed . Was he trying to make me feel guilty? Because it was working.
Aria moved to my side and squeezed my shoulder before helping Mom look for a dress. Eventually she chose a cream-colored, floor-length, bare-back dress that I had worn for New Year’s Eve. Aria helped me with the makeup, although this did not hide my fat lip.
“I’ll see if the priest has arrived,” Mom said, before hesitating in the doorway with a wistful expression. She opened her mouth but then turned and closed the door.
I tried not to take it to heart. I knew my parents and most people in my world would condemn me for what I had done, so why did it hurt so much?
“Do you think Lily and Fabi will be able to attend the ceremony?” I asked in an embarrassingly hopeful voice.
“Let me talk to Dad. I’m sure I can convince him,” Aria said.
I did not protest as she left. If anyone could convince Dad, it was Aria. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were sad and tired. I didn’t look like the happy blushing bride. Not that anyone expected me to. This wasn’t even a real wedding. Despite my best intentions, remorse seized me once again. How was it possible that my life had become such a disaster?
All I had ever wanted was to be free to make my own decisions. Maybe I would have married Matthew if he had bothered to ask me instead of ordering me. And now I would never have a real wedding or a nice dress again. I always thought these things didn’t matter to me, but now that I had lost them I felt sad.
Aria returned. “It’s time. The priest is waiting in the living room. Fabi and Lily are there, too.
I sketched a smile. “Then let’s get married.”