Gianna I hated having to involve Aria in all this, but she was my last option. Actually the biggest problem was asking her . I didn’t trust the phones. I would not turn down our father equipping them so that he could keep an eye on me. I had to ask him in person but, as punishment for my faux pas at the engagement party, I had not been allowed to see Aria since our family Christmas party. But after weeks of pleading, Lily and I had finally managed to convince Dad to let Lily and I fly to New York for Lily’s birthday in April.
Lily was practically jumping with excitement during our flight. I was still amazed at how quickly she had recovered from the horrible events of last September. I really hoped that she would not be hampered by the return to New York. She had avoided Matthew and Luke the last few times we had seen them, but this time we would be in Luke’s penthouse, so there was no way she could do that.
The moment we entered the waiting room full of voices, I wanted to groan. Matthew was standing next to Aria and Luca. I should have known he was coming. He seemed determined to ignore my dislike. Sometimes I almost thought of giving up running away and trying to come to terms with my marriage to Matteo, but then there were times when he would give me that arrogant smile like now, and then I wanted to run away faster than ever. feet could carry me because I really wanted to kiss him, despite what I had seen him do in September.
Lily stayed close to me. It was the only sign that she had not forgotten what had happened almost seven months earlier. She did not take my hand as she might have done a couple of years ago, but her arm brushed against mine as we walked toward Luke, Matthew, and Aria. “Are you okay?” I whispered.
She jerked, blushing. “Yes.” She straightened her shoulders. “I’m fine.” She almost managed to hide her nerves from me. Aria ran toward us when we had almost reached them and hugged us both. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“We missed you too,” I whispered, kissing her cheek.
Lily smiled at both of us.
Aria shook her head. “You’re as tall as I am now. I still remember when you didn’t want to go anywhere without holding my hand.
Lily groaned. “Don’t say anything like that when Romero is around. Where is he anyway?”
I rolled my eyes and Aria laughed. “He’s probably in his apartment.”
At some point Lily must have managed to overcome her anxiety about Romero. Puppy love has blinded you.
“Let’s go,” Aria said. “Let’s go.”
As expected, Lily became shy again the moment we faced the boys. My protective side wanted to put me in front of her and protect her from everything, but I knew she would be embarrassed if I did something like that. My gaze found Matthew’s eyes; they were warm; they were the eyes of a normal boy, and for a moment I wanted to believe the lie he was so good at telling, but I forced myself to stop our staring contest.
“The birthday girl,” Matteo said with a smile to Lily, his arms crossed over his chest. He seemed so helpful and harmless, and I knew he was doing it on purpose because of Lily. Despite my best intentions not to, I felt grateful, and at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder how he could be so kind and funny one moment when he was capable of the horrible things I had seen in September.
“Not yet,” Lily said, biting her lip. “Unless you have an early present for me.” I almost exploded with relief. I feared Lily would be as nervous as the last time she had seen Matthew, but he was a skilled manipulator and had her wrapped around his finger again.
“I like the way you think,” Matteo said with a wink. He took the suitcase from her, then held out his arm for her to take. He looked at Matteo and me. “Aren’t you going to carry Gianna’s luggage?”
“Luca can take care of it,” Matteo said, his eyes shining with glee as they rested on me. Why did he have to be so… tolerable? If I didn’t know better, I’d say he suspected I was looking for a way to escape our upcoming wedding.
I narrowed my eyes before turning to Lily. “Go ahead.”
She took Matteo by the arm and they walked forward.
Luca took my suitcase without a word before following his brother and my younger sister. I returned with Aria.
“Maybe Dad should have had Matteo marry Lily instead of me,” I said, only half joking. She seemed to have no problem getting along with him.
“Matteo needs someone like you, someone to answer to him. I don’t think he could handle that.
I huffed. “But do you think I can?”
Aria scanned my face. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Later,” I whispered, and she nodded her eyes toward Luca and Matteo.
*** I didn’t get a chance to talk to Aria until much later that day, and only because Luca and Matteo had business to attend to at their ‘Sphere’ nightclub. Romero was still there but Lily had convinced him to play Scrabble with her in the living room, so he was busy while I led Aria to the rooftop terrace despite the cold. Once we were on the edge of the rooftop, he turned to me. “You’re up to something, aren’t you ?”
I hesitated, suddenly feeling guilty for even considering involving Aria. “I can’t do that, Aria. I want to get out.
Out of the world. Out of my arranged marriage. Just out.”
Her face became still, her blue eyes wide. “You want to run away?”
The wind had picked up and was tearing at my hair, but I wasn’t sure if that was the only reason I shivered.
“YES.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” I said, although sometimes the doubt kept me awake at night. This was a huge step. “Ever since the Bratva attacked the villa and I saw what Matteo is capable of, I knew I had to escape.”
“It’s not just Matteo, you know that right? It’s no worse than any other Made Men.
“That makes it even worse. I know that practically every man in our world is capable of horrible things, and someday Fabi will be too, and I hate him, I hate every second I’m trapped in this messed-up world.
“I thought you and Matteo got along better.
You didn’t try to pull each other’s heads off today.
“He’s trying to manipulate me. Didn’t you see how easily he could make Lily forget her nervousness around him?”
Aria shrugged. “It could be worse. Most men wouldn’t have forgiven you for giving him such a hard time, but he really seems to like you.
Did he? I was never sure with Matthew. He was too good at hiding his emotions, choosing the mask he wanted to show the world. “Are you on his side?” I asked a little more forcefully than I intended.
“I’m not on his side. I’m just trying to show you an alternative to running away.”
Flabbergasted, I said, “Why? You know I never wanted this life. Why are you trying to make me stay?”
Aria looked at me grimly, grabbing my wrist. “Because I don’t want to lose you, Gianna!”
“You won’t lose me.”
“Yes, I will. Once you run away, we won’t be able to see each other again , maybe not even talk, unless we find a way to do it without risking the crowd tracking you down.
Of course, in the back of my mind, I knew that that would be the result of my escape, but I had pushed it aside, unable to bear the thought. “I know,” I whispered. “You could come with me.”
Aria opened her lips in surprise, and even before she spoke I knew her answer. “I can’t.”
I nodded, moving away from her and letting my gaze wander over New York. I blinked a few times. “Because you love Luca.”
She put her hand out to me. “Yes, but that’s not the ‘only reason. I can’t leave Fabi and Lily behind either, and I’ve made peace with this life. It’s all I’ve ever known. That’s fine with me.”
Guilt collapsed on me. “Do you think I’ll abandon them if I leave?”
“They will understand. Not everyone is cut out for a life in this world. You’ve always wanted to live a normal life, and they’ll still have me. You have to think about yourself. I just want you to be happy.”
I hugged her, burying my face in her hair. “I don’t think I can be happy here.”
“Because you don’t want to marry a murderer, because you can’t live with what Matthew does.”
“No,” I said quietly. “Because I can see that it suits me.”
Aria pulled back, her pale eyebrows coming together. “What’s wrong?”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because I had a feeling Aria wouldn’t ask that question before Luca did. “Are you okay with what Luca does? Don’t you ever lie awake at night feeling guilty about being married to a man like him?”
“We come from a family of men like him.” She took a step back, dropping her arms along her sides. “Do you want me to feel guilty?”
“NO. But normal people would feel guilty. Can’t you see how messed up we are? I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to spend my life with a man who tears his enemies apart.”
Aria looked at her but said nothing. She looked so terribly sad and hurt that I wanted to kick myself hard for opening my stupid mouth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s just that…”
My voice broke off, not knowing how to explain my conflicting emotions to Aria. “I know I have to risk it. I have to try to get away from all this and live a life without all the violence and screwed-up morals. I will always regret it if I don’t.”
“You know you can never go back. There’s no turning back once you’ve run. Even if Matthew forgave you for insulting him like that, the Outfit would be responsible for your punishment until your wedding. And running from the mob is a betrayal.”
“I know.”
“The Outfit punishes treason with death. Since you are not a Made Men, they might decide to go easy on you and throw you into one of their brothels or make you marry someone much worse than Matthew.
“I know.”
Aria grabbed my shoulders. “Really? Few people risk running from the mob, and there’s a reason for that. Most people get caught.
“Most people, but not all.”
“Have you ever heard of anyone who managed to escape the mob?”
“No, but I doubt anyone would tell us about it.
Neither Father, Matthew nor Luke have any interest in putting ideas into our heads.”
Aria sighed. “You are really determined to go through with it.”
“YES.”