Aria and Luca Gianna’s wedding This wedding was a farce. Aria broke away from Luca and squeezed my hand the moment we sat down. It was obvious how unhappy she was. She was trying so hard to hide it, but to me it was clear as day. Obviously no one gave a shit. It was pretty much normal for the bride to be forced into marriage, so unhappiness was a given. No one ever asked us what we wanted. No one ever cared. Not even the other women.
It was then that I made a promise that I was determined to keep: I would not end up in a loveless marriage. I didn’t care if it was my duty or if honor dictated it; nothing in this godforsaken world could make me marry for anything but love.
Matthew kept looking at me from across the table, with that annoying arrogant smile on his face.
So far he had pretty much been watching me throughout the entire wedding. I had to admit that he didn’t look too shabby in his light gray vest, white shirt, and dress pants. Somehow his tall, muscular figure stood out even more dressed like that. Of course I would bite my tongue before admitting to anyone that I found Matteo’s appearance tolerable, especially when his personality was nowhere near being bearable.
Aria squeezed my hand even tighter under the table because of something Luca had told her. She was unaware of Matteo’s flirtation with me. Unaware of anything but her distress.
I squeezed her hand but then the dance floor opened and soon we parted as Luca led her to their first dance as a married couple. I quickly got to my feet, desperate to sneak off to the bay where I could be alone, but Matteo pinned me to the edge of the dance floor, that same arrogant smile on his striking face. Why did that bastard have to look good?
His dark hair was intentionally messy and his eyes were so dark, they were almost black. It was impossible not to check him out. Of course, he was perfectly aware of the effect he had on most women and obviously expected me to flatter him as well. Hell would freeze over before that happened.
He bowed without looking away from me. “May I have this dance?”
My stomach made a stupid revolt at the sight of his smile. He was more accommodating than most Made Men, but I had a feeling it was just a cover. Perhaps he had perfected the boy-next-door routine, but underneath was a predator lying in wait, ready to pounce. I was not going to be his prey.
My father was watching me from his seat at the table, so I had no choice but to nod in response to Matthew’s question, or else risk a huge scene. Not that I would have minded, but I didn’t want to add to Aria’s stress. She was already nervous.
Matteo took my hand and placed his palm on my back , the warmth of his skin seeping through the thin fabric of my dress. My stomach jerked but I forced my face into a mask of boredom. I hated the way my body seemed to react to Matthew. If I was allowed to interact with other guys, I probably wouldn’t be impressed by Matteo. Right?
I looked at him. From this close I could see that his eyes were dark brown with an almost black outer ring. He had thick black eyelashes and the shadow of his uncombed beard obscured his cheeks and chin. His smile widened and I turned my head, focusing on the dancing guests around us.
Everyone was laughing and smiling, enjoying themselves.
From the outside it looked like a wonderful party. It was easy to be fooled by the villa’s garden, decorated to perfection. It was so darn easy to let the breeze coming in from the ocean take reality away from us.
The unique atmosphere that only a place in the Hamptons could offer could convince anyone that life was a dream.
I knew better.
Matthew pulled me even closer, pressing our bodies together so I could feel every inch of the muscles and weapons hidden under his vest. I wriggled, even though part of me wanted to lean down, move closer and claim his mouth for a kiss. That would have been the scandal of marriage, no doubt.
Dad would blow a gasket. It was almost enough to make me want to do it. Why should girls be forced to wait for their first kiss until they get married? It was ridiculous. I pitied Aria for having to watch her first kiss in front of the whole wedding party. That would not happen to me . I didn’t care who I had to bribe to kiss me.
Matthew leaned down, a mocking smile curving his mouth. “You look beautiful, Gianna. Your pissed-off look goes so well with your dress.”
Before I could contain myself, a laugh came out of me. I tried to cover it with a cough but Matteo didn’t buy it judging by the look on his face. Damn. I squinted my eyes – in vain. I decided to ignore Matteo for the rest of our dance, hoping my body would do the same, but then the bastard started moving his thumb back and forth across my back, and every nerve ending in me seemed to come alive.
I wanted to kiss him, and not just to spite my father and all the other males in our world who thought it was okay to keep women on a leash. I wanted to kiss him because he smelled delicious, which was exactly why I needed to get away from him quickly.
Matthew unfortunately seemed intent on driving me crazy, because after our first dance he managed to steal two more from me and, to my annoyance, my body did not stop reacting to his closeness. I had a feeling he knew, which was why he kept stroking my back so lightly, but I couldn’t ask him to stop without admitting that it bothered me, and somehow part of me didn’t want him to stop.
It was almost midnight when people started shouting for Luca to sleep with Aria. She could not hide her panic.
When she stood up and took Luca’s offered hand, her eyes met mine but then Luca was already taking her away, followed by a crowd of screaming men. Anger surged through me. I stood up, determined to follow and help her.
Mother grabbed my wrist, making me stop. “This is none of your business, Gianna. Sit down.”
I glared at her. Wasn’t she supposed to protect us?
Instead she looked without a glimmer of compassion. I turned away from her, disgusted with her and everyone around us.
Father stood next to Salvatore Vitiello who shouted something that sounded like, “We want to see blood on the sheets, Luca!”
I almost tackled him. What a bastard. New York and its sick traditions. Despite my father’s warning look, I turned and followed the men. Luca and Aria were almost home, and I had a hard time making my way through the male guests to catch up with them. I wasn’t even sure what I would do if I caught up with them. I could barely drag Aria into our shared bedroom and lock the door. That wouldn’t stop anyone, least of all Luca. That boy was a beast.
Some men made obscene comments toward me but I ignored them, my eyes fixed on Aria’s blond head. I had almost reached the front row of the crowd when Aria and Luca disappeared into the master bedroom closed the door. My breathing stopped, worry and anger occupied center stage in my body.
I was undecided whether to rush into the bedroom to kick Luca’s ass or run as far away as possible so I wouldn’t have to hear what was going on behind that door. Most of the male guests were heading back outside to resume drinking, only Matthew, who was yelling disgusting suggestions through the door, and some younger Made Men from New York were still around. I backed away, knowing there was nothing I could do for Aria, and I hated that more than anything. So often in the past Aria had protected me from my father, and now that she needed protection, I couldn’t help her.
I decided to go to my room instead of returning to the party. I was not in the mood to face my parents again. I was just going to have a violent fight with my father, and I really didn’t need that on my plate today. Before I could take the hallway to my room, two boys stood in my way. I did not know their names. They were not much older than me, maybe eighteen. One of them still showed some baby fat and acne. The other was taller and looked more like a threat.
I tried to dodge them but the taller boy blocked my way. “Pizza,” I said, giving the two idiots a dirty look.
“Don’t be a party pooper, Red. I wonder if you’re Red over there, too?” He pointed between my legs.
My lips curled in disgust. As if I had never heard those words before.
The acne boy snorted with laughter. “We could try to find out.” Suddenly Matthew was there. He grabbed the tall boy in a headlock and pointed a long, sharp knife at his groin.
“Or,” he said in a strangely calm voice. “We could try to find out how long it takes you to bleed like a pig after I cut your dick off. How does that sound?”
I used the moment to slam my knee into the acne-ridden boy’s balls. He cried out and fell to his knees. I probably shouldn’t have had so much fun.
Matteo raised his dark eyebrows at me. “Do you want to try this too?”
I didn’t need to be told twice. Instead, I lashed out with a good kick and sent the second boy to his knees as well. Both boys looked at Matthew with eyes wide with fear, completely ignoring me.
“Fuck off before I decide to slit your throats,” Matteo said.
They walked away like dogs with their stories between their legs.
“Do you know them?” I asked.
Matteo holstered his knife. He didn’t look as drunk as he did at the party. Maybe it had all been for show. A quick glance around made me realize we were alone in that part of the house, and from the way my heartbeat sped up and my stomach pounded, I knew it wasn’t really a good idea.
“They are the children of two of our soldiers. They’re not even Made Men yet.”
Introducing them to the mob probably wouldn’t turn them into better human beings. “I could have handled them myself,” I said.
Matteo scanned my body again. “I know.”
It wasn’t the answer I was expecting, and I wasn’t entirely sure if he was kidding me or not. “It’s funny how you can act like a knight in shining armor one moment and the next you’re encouraging your brother to sexually assault my sister.”
“Luca doesn’t need encouragement, believe me.”
“You disgust me. All of this does. I turned and walked away but Matteo caught up with me and barred my way with an arm against the wall.
“Your sister will be fine. Luca is not cruel to women.”
“Is that supposed to reassure me?”
Matthew shrugged. “I know my brother. Aria won’t get hurt.”
I scanned his face. He looked serious. I wanted to believe him but from what I had seen Luca was anything but a kind man. He was brutal, cruel, and cold.
“I really want to fucking kiss you,” Matteo said in a rough voice, surprising me.
My eyes went wide. He did not move. He simply stood in front of me with his arm leaning against the wall and his dark eyes piercing mine. We were not engaged, thank God, so talking to me like that was more than inappropriate.
Dad would have gone crazy if he had known. I should have been anxious, or at least embarrassed, by his words, but instead I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss someone. The girls in my class had already kissed and done much more than that. Only Aria, myself, and the other girls from mafia families were protected by bodyguards. What would it be like to kiss someone forbidden? Doing something a good girl didn’t do ?
“Then why don’t you do it too?” I heard myself say.
Alarm bells rang in my mind but I ignored them.
This was my choice. If we were not who we were, if we were not born into this messed-up world, if Matthew was not a Made Men and a murderer, maybe then I would have fallen in love with him. If we had met as two normal people, maybe we could have become something.
Matteo approached me. For some reason I backed away until I hit the wall, but Matthew followed me and soon I was trapped between the cold stone and his body.
“Because in our world there are rules and breaking them has consequences,” he said.
“You don’t seem like a stickler for rules.” I wasn’t sure why I was encouraging him. I didn’t want his attention. I wanted to get out of this messy world and its messy people.
Being involved in any way with someone like him would make that impossible.
Matthew smiled darkly. “I’m not.” He reached my face and slowly ran his fingers through my hair. I trembled at the light touch. I didn’t even like Matteo, did I? He was annoying and arrogant and never knew when to shut up.
He’s just like you.
But my body wanted more. I grabbed his vest, rustling the soft fabric with my fingers. “Neither do I. I don’t want my first kiss to be with my husband.
Matteo gave a soft laugh and was so close I could more than hear him. “This is a bad idea,” he murmured , his lips less than an inch from mine, his eyes dark and lacking the usual playfulness.
My insides seemed to burn with need. “I don’t care.”
And then Matthew kissed me, lightly at first, as if he wasn’t sure I was serious. I pulled him by the vest, wanting him to stop being careful, and Matteo pressed his body against mine, his tongue slipping between my lips, entwining with mine, not giving me time to wonder what I was doing.
He tasted of whiskey and something sweeter, like the most delicious whiskey truffle I could imagine. His body radiated warmth and strength. His hand gripped the back of my neck as his mouth inflamed my body with need.
God, no wonder Father did not want us to be surrounded by men. Now that I knew how good it felt to kiss, I never wanted to stop doing it.
There was a gasp and Matthew and I separated. I was still stunned when my eyes landed on my sister Lily who stood motionless in the hallway, probably headed for her room. Her eyes were wide. “Sorry!” she blurted, then took a few hesitant steps in our direction. “Does this mean you’re getting married ?”
I huffed. “No, it doesn’t. I’m not going to marry him. That doesn’t mean anything.”
Matthew gave me a look and I almost felt guilty for my vulgar words, but it was the truth. I was not going to marry a Made Men, no matter how good a kisser he was or how much he could make me laugh. Men in our world were murderers and torturers. They were not good men; they were not even good men. They were bad, rotten to the core. Nothing could change that. Maybe occasionally they could imitate normal guys, especially Matthew had that act down to the core, but in the end it was just a mask.
Matteo turned to Lily. “Don’t tell anyone what you saw, okay?”
I pulled away from him, needing to put some distance between us. How could I let him kiss me?
Maybe I was lucky and he was drunker than he let on. Maybe he wouldn’t remember anything the next morning.
“All right,” Lily said with a shy smile.
Matthew shot me a look of understanding before walking past Lily and around the corner. The moment he was gone, Lily ran toward me. “You kissed him!”
“Shhh,” I said as we walked down the hall.
“Can I sleep in your room tonight? I told Mom I could.”
“Yeah sure.”
“How was it?” she asked in a hushed whisper. “The kiss, I mean.”
At first I wanted to lie but then opted for the truth.
“Surprising.”
Lily giggled and followed me to my room. “So you’re going to kiss him again?”
I wanted to, but I knew that would be a bad idea.
I didn’t want to give him any ideas. “NO. I will never kiss Matteo again.”
I should have known it would not end so easily.
*** The next day, a couple of hours before my family was to leave for Chicago, Matteo surprised me alone in front of my bedroom. He did not try to kiss me but stayed very close. It would have been easy to bridge the distance between us, grab his shirt and pull him against me. Instead I put on my guard and stared at him grimly. “What do you want?”
Matthew clicked his tongue. “Last night, when we were alone, you didn’t treat me coldly.”
“I was hoping you were too drunk to remember that.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.” If he hadn’t stopped making that arrogant smile I would have tugged at his neck, or kissed him, I hadn’t decided yet. Choice number one was undoubtedly the best option.
“It was something that happened only once. It didn’t mean anything. I still don’t like you. I only did it because I wanted to do something forbidden.”
“There are many other forbidden things we could do,” he murmured, moving closer and enveloping me with his scent.
“No thanks.”
“Why? Lose my courage? I could ask your father for your hand in marriage if you are tired of forbidden things.
“Right,” I said sarcastically. “I’ll never marry you, that’s a promise. And now that Aria is already trapped in New York, Dad wouldn’t send me away anyway.”
Matthew smiled. “If you say so.”
His overconfidence made me angry. I pointed my finger at his chest. “You think you’re irresistible, don’t you?
But you’re not. You and Luca and all the other men in the mob think you are really exceptional. Let me tell you something: If you weren’t damn rich and didn’t carry a damn gun with you everywhere you went, you’d be no better than anybody else out there.
“I’d still be handsome and I could still kill most of the wimps out there with my bare hands. What about you, Gianna? What would you be without your family’s protection and your father’s money?”
I took a deep breath. Yes, what would I be without all that? Nothing. I had never had to do anything on my own, never been allowed to do it, but not for lack of desire. “Free.”
Matthew laughed. “You will never be free. None of us are. We are all caged by the rules of our world.”
That’s why I want to get out of this world.
“Maybe. But a marriage with you will never be my cage. I left, not giving him another chance to come back.