Bibiana came to see me the next afternoon, her eyes red with tears. I accompanied her to the library and made her sit on the leather sofa. “What happened?”
“Thomas is angry because I’m not pregnant yet. He wants me to go to a doctor to see what’s wrong.
They had been married for almost four years now, but Bibiana was secretly taking contraceptives. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get pregnant. If you had a baby, you would have someone to love and who loves you.” I hugged her with my arm. The last few years when Bibiana had been increasingly depressed about her marriage to Thomas had been heartbreaking. I wished there was something I could do for her.
“Maybe you are right. And maybe Tommaso won’t touch me if I have a big belly.” She shook her head. “Let’s not talk about that. I want to forget my problems for a while. What about you? How are the wedding preparations going ?”
I shrugged. “My mother has booked a ballroom in a hotel. The ‘only thing I have to do is to buy a wedding dress.”
“Will you get a white dress again?”
“I don’t think so. My mother doesn’t think it’s appropriate.
Maybe cream color. That should be fine.”
Bibiana huffed. “I think it’s ridiculous that you can’t wear a white dress just because you’ve already been married. It’s not like it’s a real wedding.
“Shhh,” I hissed, my eyes darting to the closed library door.
Some time ago I had told Bibiana the true nature of my marriage to Antonio. “You know that no one can know.”
“I don’t understand why you are trying to protect him. He is dead. And he used you as a means to an end. You should take care of yourself now.”
“I am taking care of myself. I helped Antony betray the ‘suit. Being gay is a crime, you know.”
“It’s ridiculous.”
“I know, but the crowd is not going to change anytime soon, no matter how much we wish it would.”
“If you don’t want to tell Dante, then what are you going to do on your wedding night? Aren’t you afraid he’ll realize that you never consummated your marriage to Antony?
“Maybe he won’t notice.”
“If it’s anything like my first time, then he will notice.”
“Tommasio treated you very badly. You didn’t want it, so of course you bled. I’m still so angry when I think about it.
Bibiana swallowed. “What’s done is done. I really wish I had been married to a gay man. She laughed bitterly. I took her hand. “Maybe you’re lucky and Tommasio has a heart attack or gets shot down by the Russians.” It wasn’t even a joke. I wanted Bibiana to be free from that man.
Bibiana smiled. “How sad is it that I really hope that will happen?”
“Of course you want him to leave. I get it. Everyone would.”
She scrutinized my face. “What about you, then? Do you want to sleep with Dante?”
“Definitely. I can’t wait.” My cheeks grew hot, but it was the truth and I saw nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your future husband.
After all, Dante was an attractive man .
“Then maybe you should make preparations to make sure Dante doesn’t realize that your first marriage was just a sham.” “What? Find a guy to sleep with? I’m not going to cheat on Dante. I think sex is part of marriage. Despite my best intentions not to memorize everything my mother had taught me and not to let the stern words of my Catholic teachers creep into my brain, I couldn’t imagine being around someone I wasn’t committed to.
Bibiana gave a choked laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”
She lowered her voice, her skin turned red. “I thought you could use a vibrator.”
For a moment I didn’t know what to say. I had never considered such a thing. “Where would I get a vibrator?
I can hardly ask my father’s bodyguards to take me to a sex shop. My mother would die of embarrassment if she found out . And I would most likely die of embarrassment when I walked into that store.
“I wish I could get it for you, but if Thomas found out he would be angry.” The bruises on Bibiana’s cheekbones from Tommaso’s latest outburst had not yet faded completely.
“It’s probably for the best. Anyway, I don’t like the idea of having sex with an inanimate object. I’ll figure it out.”
“Dante will probably be too wrapped up in his own needs to notice anyway. Men are like that.”
That wasn’t much comfort. I hoped Dante would be concerned about my needs too.
*** When January 5, my wedding day, finally arrived, I felt a flicker of nervousness; not just about my wedding night. I knew this was my second chance at a happy marriage. Most people in our world did not understand this. They lived their lives in miserable unions until death finally separated them. As I walked down the aisle wearing my cream sequined dress, I felt more hopeful than I had in a long time. Dante looked sophisticated in his black suit and vest. His eyes never left me, and when my father handed me over to him, I was sure I saw a hint of approval and appreciation in his expression. His hand was warm around mine, and the small smile he gave me before the priest began his sermon made me want to tiptoe up and kiss him. My mother was crying loudly in the front row. It seemed she could not be happier, and my father was practically glowing with pride. Only my brother Horace, who had arrived only two hours earlier from Cleveland where he had work for the Outfit, seemed to be looking forward to the trip. I preferred the sight of Bibiana and Aria’s encouraging smiles . As the priest spoke, I kept casting glances at Dante and what I saw on his face was heartbreaking. Occasionally grief marred his expression. We had both lost someone, but for Dante that person had been the love of his life, if the rumors could be believed. Could I ever compete with that? When the time came for our kiss, Dante leaned down without hesitation and pressed his warm lips against mine. He definitely did not feel like a man from the ice. Mom’s words came to my mind and a thrill of excitement ran through me. Maybe I couldn’t make Dante forget his first wife, and I didn’t want to, but I could help him move on. *** After the mass we all went to the hotel for the ensuing celebration. It was the first moment of privacy Dante and I got as a married couple. He didn’t hold my hand as he drove, but he probably wasn’t the touchy type.
What worried me most was the tension in his jaw and the ‘steel in his eyes.
“I think that went well, don’t you?” I said when the silence became too oppressive.
Dante’s eyes snapped toward me. “Yes, the priest did a good job.”
“I wish my mother hadn’t cried so much. She’s usually better at composing herself.”
Dante smiled tensely. “She’s happy for you.”
“I know.” I paused. “Are you happy?” I knew it was a risky question.
His face visibly closed. “Of course I’m happy with this union.”
I expected something more but the rest of the trip passed in silence. I didn’t want our marriage to start with an argument, so I let it go.
When we got out of the car and headed toward the ‘entrance, Dante touched my back. “You are very beautiful, Valentina.” I looked at him, but his gaze was directed ahead. Perhaps he had realized how cold he had acted in the car and felt guilty.
The hotel ballroom was beautifully decorated with pink and white roses. Dante held my hand on his lower back as we made our way to our table amid the applause of our guests. Most of them had arrived before us and were already settled at their tables. We shared a table with my parents and my brother, as well as Dante’s parents and his sister and her husband. I had not spoken to Dante’s parents except for a few occasions of small talk. They had been nice enough though. My brother Horace was pretending to be busy with something on his iPhone, but I knew he was just trying to avoid our father’s questions.
Aria and Luca, and Matteo and Gianna, as well as the Scuderi family occupied the table to our right. Aria smiled at me before turning her attentive gaze to her sister and Matteo, who seemed on the verge of an argument.
Those two were going to have one hell of a marriage. Matteo didn’t seem to mind the dirty looks Gianna was giving him.
“You look beautiful together,” Ines said, bringing my attention back to our table.
Dante looked at me with an unreadable expression.
The waiters chose that moment to enter the ballroom with the dishes.
After the four-course dinner, it was finally time for the dance. Dante led me toward the dance floor and drew me against his chest. I smiled at him. He felt warm and strong and was a good dancer. He smelled perfect, like a warm summer breeze and something very masculine. I couldn’t wait to share the bed with him, to see what he was hiding under the fabric of his expensive suit. If we had been alone I would have leaned my cheek against his shoulder, but everyone was watching us, and I didn’t think Dante liked to show intimacy in public.
Of course, our guests didn’t care. Soon they began to call out.
“Kiss, kiss!”
Dante looked at me with a raised eyebrow. ” Do we honor their wishes or ignore them?”
“I think we should honor their wishes.” I really wanted to honor their wishes.
Dante squeezed my back tighter and pressed his lips firmly against mine. His blue eyes were fixed on me, and for a moment I was sure I saw something like warmth in them.
But then guests invaded the dance floor to join the dancing, and our kiss ended. Soon after, Fiore Cavallaro asked me to dance, and Dante had to dance with his mother. I smiled at my father-in-law, uncertain how to deal with him. He had the same cold detachment as Dante. “My wife and I hoped Dante would choose someone who wasn’t married first.”
The smile on my face became hard to maintain, but I didn’t want people to notice that Fiore had said something that hurt me. “I understand,” I said quietly.
“But his reasoning has convinced us. Dante needs an heir soon, and someone not so young might turn out to be a better mother for our grandchildren.”
I nodded. Their cold logic was something I hated with every ounce of myself. Not that I could tell them that.
“I don’t mean to sound cruel, but this is a marriage of convenience and I’m sure you know what is expected of you.”
“I do. And I look forward to having children with Dante.” It was true. I had always wanted children. I had even considered IVF when I was still married to Antony, but I wanted to have a chance to get to know Dante better before I tried to get pregnant. Of course, I couldn’t tell his father either. My brother took over from Fiore as was planned. “I’m glad you can come,” I said as I looked at him. He had my dark green eyes and almost black hair, but those were the only similarities between us.
We had never been close, not for lack of trying on my part though. I wasn’t sure things would ever change. He resented our father for coddling me, and sometimes I thought he resented me for having had it easier than him.
“I can’t stay long,” he said simply. I nodded, not expecting anything else. Horace avoided our father as much as possible.
I was pleased when Pietro, Ines’s husband, invited me to dance.
He was a quiet man and did not step on my toes, so I would not have minded dancing with him until the end of the evening to avoid awkward conversations. Of course, this would have been more than inappropriate. After my dance with Peter, hospitality dictated that I dance with the leader of New York. While Aria seemed perfectly comfortable with Luca now, I definitely was not. Nevertheless, I accepted her hand when she held it out to me. She was not smiling. I had always seen only flashes of a real smile when he looked at Aria. Dante was tall and muscular, but with Luca even I had to tilt my head back to maintain eye contact. I knew people were watching us while we danced. Especially Dante’s steely gaze followed our every movement, even though he was dancing with Aria. Not that Luca seemed much happier that Dante was hugging Aria. Men in our world were possessive. Men like Dante and Luca were something else entirely.
When one song ended and the next began, I could hardly hide my relief. Luca had a complicit expression on his face.
He was probably used to people feeling uncomfortable in his presence. My next dance partner was Matteo. I didn’t know him very well, but I had heard about his character and his skill with a knife.
“May I?” he asked with an exaggerated bow.
In turn I bowed mockingly. “Of course.”
Surprise flashed in his eyes. He drew me to him with a shark-like smile. Closer than Luca had risked. Closer than any sane man would risk.
“I think I saw your husband twitch a little just now,” he murmured . “That’s the equivalent of an emotional outburst for a cold fish like him, I suppose.”
I exhaled, trying to stifle a laugh. “You don’t like hanging around the bush, do you?”
His dark eyes shone with glee. “Oh, I like the bushes well enough, don’t worry.”
I burst out laughing. And not a restrained ladylike giggle.
It was a high-pitched laugh. “I’m pretty sure that was inappropriate.”
I could hear some heads turn toward us, but I couldn’t help myself.
“You’re right. I was warned to behave toward The Boss’s wife so as not to cause a rift between New York and Chicago,” he said lightly.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell you.”
Matthew winked. “I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”
“I guess it’s my turn again,” Dante said, appearing beside us, his hard gaze fixed on Matteo, who seemed completely unflappable.
Matteo took a step back. “Of course. Who could stay away from such a dark beauty for long? He leaned over my hand and kissed it. I stiffened, not from the kiss, but from the look in Dante’s eyes. I quickly slid my hand into his and squeezed it, and suddenly Aria was at our side. “Matteo, you should dance with me now.” She did, and Aria deftly pulled them away from Dante and me.
“I thought you wanted to dance with me?” I said in a forcibly casual tone, scanning Dante’s hard face.
His blue eyes settled on me. He wrapped an arm around me and we began to move to the rhythm of the music. I wasn’t sure what the source of his anger had been:
jealousy, or Matthew’s disrespect. “What did he say?”
Dante finally asked .
“Hm?”
“What made you laugh?”
Perhaps, after all, jealousy was the main driving force. This made me unreasonably happy. “He made a joke about the bushes.”
Awareness filled Dante’s face. “He should be more careful.” The threat was obvious. Good thing Matthew and Luke had not heard it.
“I think he’s a little tense because of the problems between him and Gianna.”
“From what I’ve heard, he’s always been volatile, even before his engagement to the Scuderi girl.”
“Not everyone is as controlled as you are,” I said bluntly.
He raised his eyebrows but said nothing in return.
*** Shortly after midnight, Dante and I excused ourselves. The ‘hotel had offered us their largest suite for the night, but Dante preferred to go home, and I was really glad. I was looking forward to finally moving into Dante’s house. Although I was also worried because he had shared it with his late wife. It was probably filled with many memories. Bibiana crossed her fingers as I walked past her and I couldn’t help but smile.