Taking a shower was a struggle. I had to cover my bandages with a waterproof cap, which was a hassle, but it was worth the feeling of the warm water washing away the blood and sweat.
Gianna, Lily and Fabi had left less than an hour before. Their father had insisted that they leave. Not that they were much safer in Chicago. The Bratva was also getting closer to the Outfit. At least I had had them with me a day longer than planned. They had entertained me while I lay in bed while Luke had to take care of everything. As Chief he could not abandon his soldiers. He needed to show them that he had a plan of action.
I was already feeling much better. Perhaps it was the lingering effect of the painkillers I had taken two hours earlier. I got out of the shower and clumsily put on my panties. I could move both arms, but the doctor had told me that I should use my left arm as little as possible. Wearing the nightgown proved more difficult. I had managed to slip a strap over the injured shoulder when I returned to the bedroom where I found Luke sitting on the bed. He got up immediately.
“Finished with business?” I asked.
He nodded. He came toward me and slid the second strap off, then led me toward the bed and sat me down. We had not been able to talk alone since our first conversation, and then I was under the influence of morphine.
“I’m fine,” I said again because he seemed to need to hear that. He said nothing for a long time before he knelt down in front of me and pressed his face against my stomach. “I could have lost you two days ago.”
I shivered. “But you didn’t.”
He looked at me. “Why did you do this? Why did you take a bullet for me?”
“You really don’t know why?” I whispered.
He became very still, but said nothing.
“I love you, Luca.” I knew saying it out loud was a risk, but I had thought I was going to die a couple of days ago, so it was nothing.
Luca brought his face closer to mine and grabbed my cheeks. “You love me.” He said it as if I had told him that the skies are green, or that the sun revolves around the earth, or that fire is cold to the touch.
As if what I had said didn’t make sense, as if it didn’t fit into his worldview. “You shouldn’t love me, Aria. I’m not someone who should be loved. People fear me, hate me, respect me, admire me, but they don’t love me. I am a murderer. I am good at killing. Better probably than at anything else, and I don’t regret it. Heck, sometimes I even enjoy it. Is it a man you want to love?”
“It’s not a matter of want, Luca. It’s not like I could choose to stop loving you.”
He nodded, as if that explained a lot. “And you hate the fact that you love me. I remember you saying that before.”
“NO. Not anymore. I know you are not a good man. I’ve always known that and I don’t care. I know I should. I know I should stay up at night hating myself for agreeing with my husband as the head of one of the most brutal and deadly criminal organizations in the United States. But I don’t. What does that make me? I paused, staring at my hands, the hands that had held a gun two days earlier, the finger that had pulled the trigger without hesitation, without a twitch or a tremor. “And I killed a man, and I’m not sorry. Not even a little bit. I would do it again.” I looked up at Luca. “What does that make me, Luca? I’m a murderer like you.”
“You did what you had to. He deserved to die.”
“There’s not one of us who doesn’t deserve death. We probably deserve it more than most.”
“You are good, Aria. You are innocent. I made you do it.”
“You didn’t, Luca. I was born into this world. I chose to stay in this world.”
The words of my wedding day came to mind. “To be born into our world is to be born with blood on our hands. With every breath we take, sin is etched deeper into our skin.”
“You have no choice. There is no way to escape our world. You had no choice in marrying me either. If you had let that bullet kill me, at least you would have escaped our marriage.
“There are few beautiful things in our world, Luca, and if you find one you cling to it with all your might. You are one of those beautiful things in my life.
“I’m not well,” Luca said almost in despair.
“You are not a good man, no. But you are good for me. I feel safe in your arms. I don’t know why, I don’t even know why I love you, but I do, and that won’t change.
Luca closed his eyes, looking almost resigned. “Love is a risk in our world and a weakness a Leader cannot afford.”
“I know,” I said even as my throat tightened.
Luca’s eyes opened wide, fierce and blazing with emotion. “But I don’t care because loving you is the only pure thing in my life.”
Tears filled my eyes. “Do you love me?”
“Yes, even though I shouldn’t. If my enemies knew how important you are to me, they would do anything to lay hands on you, to hurt me through you, to control me by threatening you. The Bratva will try again , and the others will too. When I became a made man, I swore to put Familia first, and I reinforced the same oath when I became Chief of Chiefs even though I knew I was lying. My first choice should always be Familia.”
I held my breath, unable to utter a word. The look he gave me almost tore me apart.
“But you are my first choice, Aria. I will burn the world if I have to. I will kill, hurt and blackmail. I will do anything for you. Maybe love is a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take, and like you said, it’s not a choice. I never thought I would do it, I never thought I could love someone like that, but I fell in love with you. I fought it. It’s the first battle I don’t mind losing.”
I hugged him, crying, then groaned from the twinge in my shoulder. Luca pulled back. “You need to rest. Your body needs to heal. He made me lie down but I held myself in his arms. “I don’t want to rest. I want to make love to you.”
Luca looked pained. “I’m going to hurt you. Your stitches might tear.
I ran my hands over his chest, over his taut stomach until I grazed the bulge in his boxers.
“He agrees with me.”
“He always does, but it’s not the voice of reason, believe me.”
I giggled, then winced as pain shot through my arm.
Luca still loomed over me but shook his head. “This is what I mean.”
“Please,” I whispered. “I want to make love to you. I’ve wanted to for a long time.
“I’ve always made love to you, Aria.”
I swallowed and began to stroke Luca’s erection through the thin fabric. He didn’t pull back.
“Don’t you want it?”
“Of course I do. We almost lost each other. I want nothing more than to be as close to you as possible.”
“Then make love to me. Slow and gentle.”
“Slow and gentle,” Luca said quietly, and I knew I had him. He moved to the edge of the bed and began massaging my feet and calves. I spread my legs wide. My nightgown lifted, revealing to Luca my thin white panties. His eyes traveled upward and I knew he could see how much I wanted and needed him. Luca moaned against my ankle, then ran his fingers down my leg, dusting only the skin until he brushed my center with his fingertips. My panties clung to my slippery heat.
“You make slowness and kindness really hard on me. If I were not hurt, I would bury myself in you and make you scream my name.
“If I wasn’t hurt, I’d want you to do it.”
Luca ran his tongue over my ankle, then gently sucked the skin into his mouth. “Mine.”
Then he covered my calves and thighs with kisses, repeating the word “mine” over and over again as he made his way to my center. He slid my panties down, then settled between my legs and kissed the outside of my lips. “Mine,” he whispered against my heated flesh. I immediately arched and winced in pain.
“I want you to relax completely. Don’t tense your muscles, otherwise your shoulder will hurt,” he said, brushing his lips against me as he spoke and making me wet with arousal.
“When I come, I’m always tense,” I said jokingly. “And I really want to cum.”
“You will, but without tension.”
I didn’t say I thought it was impossible. Luca probably read it in my face and his expression said he had accepted the challenge.
I should challenge him more often. As he began to pleasure me with touches, kisses, and ghostly licks that made my toes curl in need, I felt my muscles loosen and my mind slip into a cocoon of bliss. My soft moans and the soft sound of Luca’s mouth working on my folds mingled with the silence of the room. A knot slowly formed deep in my core, and each touch of Luca’s tongue tightened it, and then deliciously slowly the knot dissolved and my orgasm flowed through my body like honey, and I released a long breath as Luca continued my orgasm for what seemed like forever with light touches. I watched him rise in a haze that had nothing to do with pain medication. He removed his boxers as I lay like a boneless heap on the bed. My body vibrated as every cell was infused with sweet pleasure. He stretched over me, his tip at my entrance. Then he slid inside me very slowly, stretching me. I let out a long moan as he filled me completely.
“Mine,” he said quietly.
I stared into his eyes as he withdrew inch by inch until only the tip remained in me before sliding back in. “Yours,” I whispered.
The path stretching before us was one of darkness, a life of blood, death and danger, a future where I was always looking over my shoulder, where I knew that each day could be Luca’s last, where I feared that one day I might see him receive a lethal injection. injection. But this was my world and Luca was my man, and I would walk this road with him until the end.
As he made love to me, I touched my hand to the tattoo on his heart, felt his heart beat against my palm. I smiled. “Mine.”
“Always,” Luca said.