Luca pulled his finger out, then entered me again with two fingers. I gasped in discomfort, but my orgasm overwhelmed me, pain mingled with pleasure as my body tried to adjust to the fullness. Luca kissed my inner thigh, then moaned. “You’re so damn tight, Aria. Your muscles are squeezing the life out of my fingers.
My pulse was slowing, and I cast a glance at Luca. He was watching me, two fingers buried inside me.
He slid them out a couple of inches and I gasped, but he slowly found a rhythm as he slid in and out.
“Relax,” Luca murmured, and I tried. “I need to spread you, princess.” Luca traced his tongue over my folds and clit again. I hummed with pleasure. The discomfort in my depths diminished with each stroke of Luca’s tongue, and I could feel myself approaching another release. Luca must have felt it, too. He pulled his fingers out and moved until he was resting on me. He lined up and moved my legs and hips until he found the angle he wanted, then his tip grazed my entrance.
And just like that I froze again. I wanted to cry in frustration. Why couldn’t my body work with me?
Luca kissed my chin, then my lips. “Air.” My eyes finally met his. His expression reflected a kind of inner struggle. I wrapped my arms around him, my palms resting on his flexed back. Resoluteness claimed his expression.
He shifted his hips and the pressure increased. I stiffened even more and Luca let out a harsh sigh. “Relax,” he said as he cupped my cheek and kissed my lips. “I haven’t even gone in yet.” His hand stroked down my side to my thigh. He cupped it and opened me a little more. Then he pushed in slowly. I tightened my grip on him, tightening my lips. It was hurting. God, it hurt like hell. He would never adjust. I whimpered when the tugging sensation became too much and I stiffened even more. Luca stopped in his movement, his jaw clenched. He raised a hand and cupped my breast, massaging and twisting my nipple.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered in my ear. “So perfect, princess.” His words and his teasing of my breasts made me relax slightly, and he went a little further. I stiffened again. Luca kissed me on the mouth. “Almost there.” He slid his hand down my body, his fingers grazing my belly until he grazed my folds. He slowly massaged my clitoris and I exhaled. Through the pain and discomfort I could feel small flashes of pleasure. Luca took his time teasing my clitoris and kissing me. His lips were warm and gentle and his finger transmitted tingling sensations through my body. Slowly, my muscles around his cock loosened.
Rocking his hips forward, he pushed in all the way and I gasped, arching my back off the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing through my nose to overcome the pain. I felt too full, like I was going to tear apart. I sank my face against Luca’s throat and began to count, trying to distract myself . ‘It gets better,’ so said the women at my bachelorette party, but when?
Luca moved, slowly and only an inch, but it hurt too much. “Please don’t move,” I gasped, then clenched my lips in shame. Other women had experienced this and had lied and suffered. Why couldn’t I? Luca’s body tensed like the string of a bow. He touched my cheek as he pulled back, forcing me to look at him.
“Does it hurt that much?” His voice was pure restraint, his eyes dark with an emotion I couldn’t place.
Get a grip, Aria. “No, not that much.” My voice caught the last word because Luca had flinched. “It’s okay, Luca. Get off my back. I won’t be angry with you. You don’t have to hold back for me. Stop .”
“Do you think I want to use you like that? I can see how damn painful it is. I’ve done many horrible things in my life but I won’t add them to my list.”
“Why? You hurt people all the time. Just because we’re married you don’t have to pretend to care about my feelings.
His eyes flashed. “What makes you think I have to pretend?”
My lips parted. I dared not hope, dared not read too much into his words, but God, how I wanted him.
“Tell me what I have to do,” he said harshly.
“Can you hold me for a while? But don’t move.”
“I won’t,” he promised, then kissed my lips. He gritted his teeth as he lowered himself completely. We were incredibly close; not even a sheet of paper would have fit between us. Luca put his arm under my shoulders and pressed me against his chest, and then we kissed, our lips sliding over each other, our tongues entwined, soft and teasing. Luke caressed my side and ribs before slipping a hand between us and drawing small circles on my nipple. Slowly my body sagged under his soft caress and the taste of his mouth on mine. The ache between my legs became a dull ache and my core loosened around Luca, my body adjusted to his size. Luca seemed not to notice or preferred to ignore it, instead he continued to kiss me. His fingernail scratched my nipple and a flash of pleasure struck between my legs. I drew back, my lips flushed and warm from our kiss.
Luca’s eyes were half-closed.
“Can you still…?” I asked.
He shifted and I could feel how hard he was. He had not softened at all. My eyes widened in surprise.
“I told you I’m not a good man. Even though I know you are in pain, I still have an erection because I am inside you.
“Because you want me.”
“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life,” Luca admitted.
“Can we go slow?”
“Certainly, princess.” Continuing to hold me tightly, he withdrew a few inches, observing my face.
The worried expression on his face loosened a knot in my chest.
I exhaled. It still hurt, but not as much as before, and behind the pain was the hint of something better. Luca came back into me and found a slow, gentle rhythm. I soaked in the feeling of Luca’s strong body pressed against me, the sharp lines of his face. His eyes never left my face. He didn’t seem to mind the slow pace. The tension in his shoulders and neck was the only sign of how hard it was for him. He changed the angle and a spark of pleasure ran through me. I gasped.
Luca paused. “Did it hurt?”
“No, it felt good,” I said with a trembling smile. Luca smiled and repeated the movement, causing me to tingle again. He lowered his lips to mine. I wasn’t sure how long he kept the slow pace going, but I felt sore and knew I wasn’t going to come. I wasn’t even close, despite the occasional flickers of pleasure. The dull ache still covered too much of it. I didn’t know how to say what I needed to say. He must have seen something on my face because he said. “Are you okay?”
I bit my lip. “How long will it be before you…?”
“Not long, if I go a little faster.” He looked at my face and I nodded. He raised himself up on his elbows and pushed faster and a little harder, and I clamped my lips together and sank my face against his shoulder, clutching his back. The pain was back, but I wanted Luca to come. “Air?” – Luca shrieked.
“Keep going. Please. I want you to come.”
He growled and kept thrusting. His pants came faster. He pushed deeper than before and I bit his shoulder to keep myself from whimpering in pain. Luke stiffened with a moan, then trembled and I felt him expand even more into me, filling me until I was sure I would come apart. He stopped moving, his lips against my throat. I could feel him softening inside me and almost breathed a sigh of relief. I clung to Luca, savoring the sensation of his accelerated heartbeat and the sound of his labored breathing.
Luca pulled out and lay down beside me, taking me in his arms. He shook my hair away from my sweaty face. I felt something coming out of me and shifted uncomfortably.
“I’ll get a washcloth.” Luca got out of bed to go to the bathroom. I was cold without him. I stretched my legs but winced. I sat up and my eyes went wide. There was blood smeared on my thighs and on the bed, mixed with Luca’s cum. Luca knelt on the bed beside me. He must have cleaned himself because there was no blood on him. “There is a lot more blood than the fake scene you created on our wedding night.” My voice was trembling.
Luca spread my legs and pressed me against the warm, wet washcloth. I caught my breath . Luca kissed my knee. “You were much tighter than I thought,” he said quietly. He pulled the towel away and I blushed, but he threw it on the floor without looking at me again before pressing his hand on my abdomen. “How bad is he?”
I put my head back on the pillow. “Not that bad. How can I complain when you’re covered in scars from knife and bullet wounds?”
“We’re not talking about me. I want to know how you feel, Aria. On a scale of one to ten, how much does it hurt?”
“Now? Five?”
Luca stiffened. He lowered himself beside me, encircled me with one arm, and scrutinized my face.
“And during?”
I avoided his gaze. “If ten is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, then eight.”
“The truth.”
“Ten,” I whispered.
Luca clenched his jaw. “The next time will be better.”
“I don’t think I can do it again so soon.”
“I didn’t mean now,” he said firmly, kissing my temple. “You’ll be sore for a while.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how fast and how hard did you go? The truth,” I imitated his words.
“Two.”
“Two?” I must have looked rather horrified because Luca lightly massaged my stomach. “We have time. I’ll go as gently as you’ll need.
“I can’t believe Luca – The Deputy – Vitiello said ‘kind,'” I said jokingly to lighten the mood.
Luca smiled. He grabbed my face and moved closer. “It will be our secret.”
Emotions crowded in my chest. “Thank you for being kind. I never thought you would be.
Luca laughed, a raw sound. “Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am about this.”
I rolled onto my side, wincing, and snuggled against Luca’s shoulder. “Haven’t you ever been nice to anyone?”
“No,” he said bitterly. “Our father taught Matteo and me that any kindness is weakness. And there has never been room in my life for that.”
Although the words wanted to stay in my throat, I said. “What about the girls you were with?”
“They were a means to an end. I wanted to fuck, so I looked for a girl and fucked her. It was hard and fast, definitely not gentle. Mostly I was fucking them from behind, so I didn’t have to look them in the eye and pretend I didn’t care about them.”
He looked cold and cruel.
I kissed his tattoo, wanting to banish that part of him again. His arms around me tightened. “The ‘only person who could have taught me to be kind was my mother.” I held my breath. Was he going to tell me about her now? “But she killed herself when I was nine years old.”
“I’m sorry.” I wanted to ask him what had happened but I didn’t want to push him and make him retreat behind his cold mask. Instead I cupped his cheek. He seemed surprised by the gesture but did not back down. I licked my lip, trying to suppress my curiosity.
“Does it still hurt?” he asked suddenly. For a moment I did not understand what he was talking about.
He ran a hand over my abdomen. “Yes, but talking helps.”
“How does it help?”
“It distracts me.” I gathered my courage. “Can you tell me more about your mother?”
“My father beat her. He raped her. I was young but I understood what was going on. She couldn’t stand my father anymore, so she decided to slit her wrists and overdose.
“He shouldn’t have left you and Matthew alone.” “I found her.”
I snapped up and looked. “You found your mother after she cut her wrists?”
“That was actually the first body I saw. Of course, she wasn’t the last.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “The floor was covered with her blood and I slipped on it and fell. My clothes were soaked in her blood.” His voice was calm, detached. “I ran out of the bathroom screaming and crying. My father found me and slapped me. He told me to be a man and clean myself up. I did. I never cried again.”
“This is horrible. You must have been terrified. You were just a boy.
He remained silent. “It made me hard. At some point every boy has to lose his innocence. The Mafia is not a place for the weak.”
I knew that. I had seen how Dad had tried to mold Fabiano in his later years, and my heart always broke when my little brother had to act like a man instead of the little boy he was.
“Emotions are not a weakness.”
“Yes. Enemies always aim where they can hurt you the most.
“And where would the Bratva aim if they wanted to hurt you?”
Luca turned off the lights. “They will never find out.”
It was not the answer I was hoping for, but I was too tired to think about it. Instead, I closed my eyes and let sleep claim me.