92

I woke up when I was lifted off the couch. My eyes opened and I scanned Luca’s face.
It was too dark to make out anything. Romero must have turned off the lights at some point. “Luca?” I murmured .
He said nothing. I put a hand on his chest. His shirt was made slimy by something:
Water? Blood?
His breathing was regular, his steps measured. His heartbeat was calm under my palm. But I couldn’t read his mood. It was strange. He carried me up the stairs as if I weighed nothing. We reached our bedroom and he placed me on the bed. I could just see his tall silhouette looming over me. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
I reached out and groped for the main switch next to the bed. I brushed it with my fingertips and the lights came on, and I was breathless. Luca’s shirt was covered in blood. Soaked in it. There was a small cut on Luca’s throat, and if the tears on his shirt were an indication that he probably had other wounds.
Then my eyes found his face and I stood still, like a fawn trying to blend in so as not to attract the wolf ‘s attention. I thought I had seen Luke’s darkness on a few occasions, I had already thought I glimpsed the monster under the civilian mask. Now I realized that I had not. His expression was emotionless but his eyes made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I licked my lips. “Luca?”
He began to unbutton his shirt, revealing small cuts and a longer wound under his ribs. His skin was covered with blood. But it couldn’t all have come from him, especially not all the blood on his shirt. It worried me that he still hadn’t spoken. He took off his shirt and let it fall to the floor. Then he unbuckled his belt.
“Luca,” I said. “You’re scaring me. What happened?”
He lowered his pants and took them off. He was barefoot and now only in his underwear as he knelt on the bed and put one knee between my legs. I began to regret wearing only a nightgown. He moved slowly until his head hovered above me. Terror gripped my throat, turning my heartbeat into a thump.
His eyes made me want to run, to cry and scream, to run away. Instead I raised my hand and cupped his cheek. His expression changed, a crack in the monstrous mask. He leaned into the touch, then lowered his face and pressed it into the hollow of my neck. He breathed deeply and did not move for a long time. I tried not to panic. My hand trembled against his cheek.
“Luca?” I said softly.
He raised his head again. I could see a glimmer of the Luca I knew. He slid off the bed and headed for the bathroom. When he was out of sight, I exhaled deeply. Whatever happened today must have been horrible. I sat as I listened to the shower running. In what mood would Luca return to the bedroom? The monster in check, or almost as unleashed as a moment ago?
The water stopped and I quickly lay down on my side of the bed and pulled up the covers. A few minutes later the door opened and Luca came in with a towel around his waist. It was white, but some droplets of blood had dripped from the wound and stained the fabric. He did not go to the closet to get his boxers as he usually did, but went directly to the bed.
When he picked up the towel, I looked away and turned away, my back to him.
He lifted the blanket and the mattress shifted under his weight. He pressed himself against me, his hand bent over my side in an almost convulsive grip before turning me toward him.
My mind was screaming at me to stop him. He was completely naked and in a frightening mood. He had spent the day picking up the pieces of one of his men and the remaining day killing his enemies. He grabbed the hem of my nightgown and began to pull it up. I put my hand on his.
“Luca,” I whispered.
His eyes met mine. I relaxed slightly. There was still darkness in them, but it was more contained. “I want to feel your body against mine tonight. I want to hold you in my arms.”
I could almost hear the unspoken words: I need you. I swallowed. “Just hold me?”
“I swear,” his voice was gruff, as if he had spent hours shouting orders.
I lowered my hand and let him remove my nightgown. He let out a low breath as he stared at my bare breasts. I had to fight the urge to cover myself. His fingers grazed the hem of my panties but when I stiffened they withdrew and he rolled onto his back and lifted me on top of him. I straddled his stomach, my knees on either side of him, my breasts pressed against his chest. I tried to keep my weight off him because I didn’t want to hurt his wounds, but he wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me tight against him. His other hand touched my butt, making me jerk. He began to move his thumb over my lower back and butt, and I slowly relaxed. All the while his eyes were fixed in mine, and with each passing moment a little more darkness dissipated.
“Your cut doesn’t need stitches?”
He leaned forward and kissed me softly. “Tomorrow.” He kept stroking my butt and kissing me slowly as if he wanted to savor every moment. I was completely overwhelmed but felt good. I appreciated that he was suddenly so gentle. If he had been like this when we were first intimate, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. My eyelids were heavy but I couldn’t look away from Luca. I touched his throat, an inch below the cut. I wasn’t sure why, but I leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss against the wound. It was small and didn’t need stitches, not like the one under his ribs. When I pulled back, Luca seemed almost surprised. His hand on my butt moved lower, cupping my cheek.
His little finger almost touched me there. He cupped my cheek and for a moment his finger grazed my opening through the fabric.
I held my breath, shocked by the shock the small touch had sent through me. Heat gathered between my legs and I could feel myself getting wet. I squirmed in embarrassment, not wanting Luca to realize that a naked brush and his fondling of my butt had caused such a reaction. Maybe I was inexperienced, but certain things I imagined; I stroked myself many nights. It was not that I was frigid. Luca’s body aroused me. Maybe I wanted love, but my body wanted something else. The feeling of Luca’s strong chest and muscular stomach under me, his gentle kisses, his soft touch, made me want something more, even though my mind told me it was a bad idea.
Luca’s eyes narrowed slightly as he studied me, as if I were a difficult equation to solve. Then he lightly graced the crotch of my panties with his fingertips and I knew he could feel it . I could feel that the thin fabric was wet. My cheeks flushed with mortification and I lowered my eyes but I could not slide off him or even close my legs. His fingers against my core felt good even though they had stopped moving.
“Look at me, Aria,” Luca said in a rough voice.
I looked into his eyes even though my face was on the verge of exploding with shame. “Are you embarrassed about this?” He ran a finger over my wet panties. My butt arched and I exhaled loudly.
I couldn’t say anything. My lips parted as little sounds came out that were not quite moans.
Luke moved his finger up and down, gently, playfully, and little shivers of pleasure slid through my body. I had always thought of passion and orgasm as coming like a powerful wave that left nothing behind, something almost intimidating but this was like a slow trickle; a deliciously gentle tension that turns into something bigger.
I trembled over Luca, my fingers clinging to his shoulders. He never quickened his stroking, but the pleasure increased with each brush. His eyes penetrated mine as he slid two fingers over my opening, then between my folds and pressed on my clit. How could this seem so intense? He wasn’t even touching my skin. I was panting and trembling as sparks of pleasure ran through my body. I sank my face against Luca’s neck as I clung to him. His finger rubbed my clit through my panties, ever so slowly until he simply placed his hand possessively on my folds.
Luca pressed his face into my hair. “God, you are so wet, Aria. If you knew how much I want you right now, you’d run away.” He laughed darkly. “I can almost feel your wetness on my cock.”
I said nothing, just tried to calm my breathing. Luca’s heartbeat was loud and fast under my cheek. He shifted and his length briefly grazed the inside of my thigh. It felt hot and hard.
“Do you want me to touch you?” I said in the quietest whisper. I was half scared and half excited to see him naked and actually touch him. I wanted to claim him, wanted to make him forget the women of his past. Luca’s hand on my back tightened and he took a deep breath, his chest expanding beneath me.
“No,” he growled, and I raised my head confused and a little hurt. Something must have been visible, because Luca smiled darkly. “I’m not quite myself yet, Aria. There’s too much darkness on the surface, too much blood and anger. Today was bad.” He shook his head. “When I came home today and found you lying on the couch, so innocent and vulnerable and mine.” Something flickered in his eyes, part of the darkness he had spoken of. “I’m glad you don’t know the thoughts that were going through my head then. You are my wife and I have sworn to protect you, if necessary, even from myself.
“Do you think you would lose control?” I whispered.
“I know.”
“Maybe you underestimate yourself.” I ran my fingers over his shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince him or myself. He had scared me, I couldn’t deny it. But he had come out of it .
“Maybe you trust me too much.” He ran a finger down my back, sending a new wave of tingling deep inside me. “When I laid you on the bed like a sacrificial lamb, you should have run.”
“Someone once told me not to run from monsters because they hunt.”
The shadow of a smile crossed his face. “Next time you run. Or, if you can’t, slam your knee into my balls.
He wasn’t joking. “If you had done that today, you would have lost it. The only reason you didn’t is because I treated you like my husband, not like a monster.
He traced my lips with his thumb, then brushed my cheek. “You’re too beautiful and innocent to be married to someone like me, but I’m too much of a selfish bastard to let you go.
You are mine. Forever.”
“I know,” I said, then lowered my cheek back to his chest. Luca turned off the lights and I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. I knew a normal person would run from Luca, but I had grown up among predators. Normal, decent guys with jobs that didn’t involve breaking laws were an alien species to me. And deep down a primal part of me couldn’t imagine being with someone who wasn’t an alpha like Luca. It thrilled me to know that a man like him could be kind to me. It thrilled me that he was mine and I was his.