59

Alessio
It was hard to suppress my annoyance during dinner, so I was relieved when everyone left. My father kept pestering me to take a paternity test. This was another subtle hint that I might not yet have an heir. After getting Simona to bed, I found Gianna standing in the doorway of Daniele’s room.
“Daniele wants to be tucked in by you tonight.” I wasn’t sure I had heard her right. It had been our ritual, a ritual I had loved and missed every time I came home too late, a thing of the past. I moved toward Gianna, then scanned her toward the bed. Daniel was already in his pajamas and sitting on top of the comforter, petting Loulou. Dogs did not belong in the bed. It was an opinion I held, but I didn’t have the courage to throw it out there.
“Do you want me to read your bedtime story?”
Daniel nodded. He looked hesitant, but he was there. I met Gianna’s gaze, wondering what she had done. She turned a hopeful smile on me. Warmth crowded into my chest. I had never felt this way- tenderness toward a woman. I leaned down and kissed her briefly before moving toward the bed. Daniel’s eyebrows furrowed. I lay down beside him and took the picture book from the nightstand. I didn’t have a chance to open it. “You kissed Gianna.”
I put the book down as I tried to pull myself together. I had missed Daniel’s voice, even though he was asking difficult questions. Until that moment I had avoided physical proximity with Gianna in front of him, fearing it might upset him.
“Yes.”
“Why?” He sounded curious, not sad or angry. I moved a little closer and stroked his head.
“Because I like Gianna a lot.”
“You also liked Mom.” Looking into his brown eyes, into Gaia’s eyes, I couldn’t help but lie.
“I did.” There had been a time when this statement would have been true. At first I liked it, until finally only resentment remained.
“I miss Mom.” His admission made my mouth go dry. Of course I knew he missed her, even though she had not taken care of him and Simona in the last months of her life.
“I know.” I pulled him against my chest, hoping he wouldn’t pull back. He didn’t. He allowed me to hold him, and this small gesture alone was already the greatest Christmas gift I could imagine. I was glad he didn’t ask if I missed him too. A lie was enough. “I like Gianna too,” he said calmly. My hand on his head froze.
“Good.” My voice sounded strange to my ears. It never did. I always kept calm, no matter if we were under attack, if I killed or tortured someone, but this…
“Will it stay?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
“All right.” Daniel’s voice now sounded more sleepy. These past few months I had missed the feeling of his small body softening against me. I tucked him in and had not even read the first page before he was already asleep. Loulou looked at me with half-closed eyes. When he wasn’t pooping all over or snapping, it was tolerable. I got up and went back to the bedroom, surprised to find Gianna waiting for me. I pulled her against me, needing her close.
“E? How did it go?”
“Fine.”
She squinted her eyes thoughtfully. There was more I wanted to say. Something I had never said to anyone but my children. I had already formed the exact same words, but they stuck to my tongue like glue.
“I thought we could exchange our gifts tonight. Tomorrow morning should be dedicated to the children and Loulou opening their presents.” I giggled.
“Don’t tell me you gave the dog a present.” Gianna tightened her lips.
“Of course. He is part of this family. And I have also received gifts for Elijah, Dominic and Sybil.”
“How did your parents create someone like you?”
“Christian also turned out well.”
I didn’t want to talk about him. Our interactions had been tense. He didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust him. It was not a good basis for a working relationship. “Let me get my gift. It’s in my office.”
“I will go with you. My gift for you is also downstairs.” Gianna took my hand and dragged me toward her hobby room. I had never set foot in there.
“Close your eyes.” I gave her a reproachful look. “I’m not 12 years old.” “You’re a party pooper, old man. Now close your eyes.” I squeezed her cheek del tightly in warning, making her flinch, but then I closed my eyes. She had wrapped me around her finger and I wasn’t even trying to get free. Her fingers tightened around my hand as she led me into the room. “Stop here.” I did. The smell of fresh paint hovered heavily in the air. “Now open your eyes.”
At first, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to see, and I was confused as to why Gianna had removed the photo from our bedroom wall. Then I realized it wasn’t the photo. It was a detailed painting of the beach in front of the house.
“Did you paint it?”
“Yes,” she replied, straightening her bangs and biting her lip. I approached, amazed by the detail, the vividness of the ocean. I was not an art lover and had visited only a couple of museums because business required it. “Do you like it?” That meant a lot to her. Painting and her art in general. Until that moment I hadn’t given it much thought. “It’s stunning.” A smile broke free on Gianna’s face. “Really?”
“Really.” I kissed her, but before I could lose myself in her scent and taste, I took a step back.
“Let me receive your gift.”
Excitement flashed across her face and I almost expected her to follow me, but she waited impatiently. When I returned with the small package, he rushed toward me.
“What is it?”
“It would defy the purpose of gift wrapping if I told you.” She rolled her eyes and snatched the gift out of my hands, then unwrapped it with the same restraint as Daniel. She opened the velvet lid and her lips parted wide.
“Sunflower earrings?”
At first I had bought her elegant creoles, jewelry I would choose, nothing Gianna would like. Three days ago I changed my mind and searched the Internet for sunflower earrings. Most of them had been horrible bright yellow atrocities. Then I came across Gianna’s gift on a goldsmith’s website. The sunflowers were elegant, small, and completely made of gold. They were elegant but extravagant. They were Gianna’s.
“They are so beautiful,” she sighed.
“I thought you hated it when I wear sunflowers.”
“You love them.”
“Oh, Alessio.” He pulled them out and tied them to his ears.
“And then?”
“Beautiful.” I couldn’t wait any longer. I took Gianna in my arms. She giggled.
“Where?”
“In bed.”
“Not the pool table?”
“No.” Tonight I wanted to make love to her, not fuck her like two saucy teenagers, even if one of us was a ramshackle teenager. When I laid her on the bed in front of me, I knew it would be something new for me, too. I took my time, was gentler, less urgent than usual, and after her initial confusion, Gianna mirrored my unhurried movements. After that, she curled up against me. “It felt different, like it meant something.” I heard the question in her voice, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I nodded. And it did. On our first night together, I had been so attentive because Gianna needed me. Tonight I needed her to understand what was going on, to confirm what I had never considered an option.
“Has he ever been like this with a woman?” Gianna’s voice was curious, but behind it I could hear a glimmer of jealousy, perhaps. I didn’t have to lie.
“No. Not with Gaia, and before her I only had relationships.”
“And after that?”
“There was no one after that.” Gianna looked up, surprised.
“Really? You didn’t sleep with anyone after Gaia’s death?”
“No. I had other things on my mind.” I hesitated, wondering if I should tell her about that mistake.
“But right after I found Gaia with Andrea, I slept with a woman I met when I was drunk in a bar. It was intended as a revenge fuck. To prove to myself that other women wanted me even if my wife didn’t. I didn’t feel better after that and I never told Gaia.”
“I just want you, and when other women control you, I don’t like it at all.” I burst out laughing.
“Jealous?”
“A little.” She lifted herself up and straddled my hips.
“Like you, I don’t like to share.” He didn’t have to worry. “To be honest, you’re quite demanding. I doubt I could satisfy another woman besides you.” Her eyes widened in indignation. I turned her over in spite of her feigned struggles and slammed into her, fucking her hard and fast, for there was no more need to confirm what I felt.