55

Gianna
I couldn’t breathe. Hearing Alessio recount the incident in a raw and bitter voice had upset me deeply. This was much worse than I had expected. The idea of finding Alessio with another woman tormented me. How much worse must it have been for him? Finding his wife pregnant with his half-brother, a man he trusted, and finding out that his children might not even be his. It was too horrible to contemplate. Even I wasn’t sure what I would do in such a situation. I probably didn’t kill someone, but I wasn’t a man raised to survive in the mob.
Alessio smiled darkly upon seeing my expression.
“That’s the man you married, Gianna. I understand if you are afraid of me now. I won’t stop you from moving to another bedroom, but you will surely understand that we have to stay married for Simona and Daniele. They can’t lose you too.” I stood up, crawled onto Alessio’s lap and hugged him even as he stiffened. I kissed him hard. God, it was horrible. Everything. It was not okay that Alessio had killed a man in jealousy, but he was a murderer, and he, like all men in our world, had killed for less. Part of me understood. Confusion mingled with hesitant hope in Alessio’s eyes.
“What… What are you doing?” I pressed my face against his throat. He wrapped an arm around me lightly.
“Gianna? Say something.”
“I’m not afraid of you.” I wasn’t. Maybe I should have been, but I had always known that Alessio was capable of brutality for something as trivial as power and money. The fact that he killed because someone hurt him only proved that he was not an emotionless killer. Alessio slipped a finger under my chin and elbowed me upward.
“You heard what I said.” “I did. You protected Daniel and Simona. You kept Gaia alive despite what she did. I know it’s not something most men would have done. It’s more than I expected, knowing the stories about you.” Alessio’s mouth twisted cynically.
“I suppose it’s a good thing that your impression of me was already negative to begin with.” I rolled my eyes, hoping to lighten the mood.
Alessio stroked my cheek.
“Only you make me feel better by insulting me with just a look.” I grabbed his shoulders, bringing our faces closer together. “You wanted to let the past rest, and I want to help you. Stop thinking I’m going to do what Gaia did. I’m not her, and I’m definitely not going to end up in bed with my brother. Even thinking about it makes me sick. And I won’t cheat on you with anyone else either. I desire you and I am loyal. Can you get it through your big skull?” Alessio pointed to his chest.
“In here, I know you are not Gaia.” He pointed to his head. “Here’s the problem. I’m not a very trusting man, never have been. Now less than ever. But I’m trying.” He cupped my head and molded our mouths before murmuring, “I can’t lose you.” “You won’t. Not if you keep working on your trust issues, if you keep fighting for us, because I’m sure I’m ready to go to war for this marriage and for our children.” Alessio backed away slowly.
“What did you say?” I tightened my lips.
“That I am ready to fight for us.” “No,” he replied gruffly.
“You said our children.” I blushed. Not only had I almost declared my feelings for Alessio, but I had also let slip that I wanted Simona and Daniel to be ours, not just his. I had only known them for a month, but I would be by their side for many years. Hopefully one day they would be mine, in their opinion and that of everyone else.
“I know they’re yours … it’s not mine, not really, but it kind of hurts me if you say they’re your children as if I don’t care about them…” Alessio pulled me toward him, kissing me fiercely. I clung to him, almost breathless when he finally pulled away.
“I don’t deserve you, Gianna, but my children-our children do.” “I really, really care about them. Even if you never want to have another child, I will be fine because I will raise them as if they were my own.”
“I know,” she said calmly. “That’s what I would do, too.” I scanned her eyes. “Have you ever taken a paternity test?” I was pretty sure I knew the answer. “No,” Alessio replied. That word encompassed so much emotion. Love for Simona and Daniele, determination to take care of them, but also fear.
“So you don’t know if Daniele and Simona are yours?”
“No. Simona and Daniele look like their mom… like…” Like Gaia’s half-brother.
“But their hair color is similar to your sister’s.” “It is,” she agreed, but doubt resonated in her voice and I understood why. Now that I thought about it, I had to admit that neither Simona nor Daniel bore any resemblance to their father. My heart ached at the thought of this possibility. I swallowed. “Why?”
“Because I love them and I’m afraid that the test results will change things. Especially Daniel… I can’t bear the idea that I might resent him for looking like Andrea.” Her voice trembled.
“Do you really think you would love Daniele less if he wasn’t yours?” “I don’t know,” Alessio admitted in a rough voice. “I don’t fucking know, and that’s why I don’t want to risk it. I’d rather not know the truth, I’d rather live a lie than hurt Daniele or Simona in any way.” I stroked his cheeks.
“They are your children, Alessio.”
“You can’t know…” “They are. Because you love them, because you raise them, and because they love you as their father. That’s what matters.”
“Yes,” he said after a moment. “How can you be so damn wise and kind, Gianna? I should be the one giving you advice. I’m almost twice your age, for God’s sake.” I clutched my shoulders. “I had to grow up fast.” Alessio stroked my bangs away from my forehead, melancholy clouding his face.
“Thanks to me. I thought you were just another child for me to take care of after our first meeting, too young to deal with the responsibilities my wife entailed, but you proved me wrong. You take care of my children, that dog, even me.”
“Loulou. That’s her name.”
“Andrea gave her to Gaia a few weeks before I found out.”
“Oh.” That explained why he could barely look at Loulou. She reminded him of too many painful things.
“It’s not her fault.”
“He licked Gaia’s blood!” I shuddered, not wanting to reflect on that disturbing image.
“He’s a dog. He has no intention of doing harm.” Alessio tilted his head to the side with a tired smile. “You can keep it, but don’t expect me to bond to that thing.” I stifled a comeback. Some things took time. I rubbed my fingertips over Alessio’s unkempt cheek and chin. “Do you know why Daniel is avoiding you? Did he see something?”
“He was not present when I killed Andrea or during my fight with Gaia.” He reached for his glass, took a long sip.
“Right after Andrea’s death, she was still fine. But in the weeks that followed, he backed off, and then after Gaia’s suicide, I couldn’t get in touch with him. Daniele is resentful of me. I can see it in his eyes. We used to be close, but everything has changed…. He won’t talk, so I don’t know if it’s something Gaia told him or something he saw.” I leaned my forehead against his.
“We will find out together. For us. For our children.”