52

Dr. Sal examined my bloodstained clothes.
“Should I check your wounds?”
“Is the baby okay?” I asked from the doorway, unable to enter, to approach my wife and the bed in which she had betrayed me.
“She is. Of course, it’s not ideal that I had to sedate her. If she is still so hysterical when she wakes up, we may have to restrain her. I can’t keep giving her sedatives in her state.”
“Can we take the baby now?” Sal shook his head.
“In theory. But we should give him at least two or three more weeks.”
How could I make sure the baby was safe? I was supposed to keep an eye on Gaia 24/7 and hope she would get over Andrea’s death. I knew I was foolish to hope she could. And really, what could I hope for at this point? That we would live under one roof, hating each other? Gaia spent every waking moment wishing for my cruel death, and I spent every breath resenting what she had done. This marriage was dead. It had been from the beginning.
“Stay with her,” I said. I left and entered the master bedroom where I took a quick shower and dressed before heading to Daniel’s room.
He was asleep, curled up on his side in bed. Slowly, I walked over to him and fell to the floor. I stroked his unruly hair. He looked like Gaia. That’s what everyone said from the beginning. His brown eyes and dark blond hair, even his facial features. She had nothing of me. My sisters and my mother had similar dark blond hair, so I thought she inherited it from them. I closed my eyes. Andrea and Gaia shared very similar looks. If Andrea was Daniel’s father, that explained why he had nothing on me. A sharp pain cut through my chest. I looked at the little boy I loved more than anything else in the world. I had never loved Gaia, not for herself. I had respected and cared for her because she had given me the purest gift in the world: a son.
I stood up abruptly. Voices resounded in the hallway, one of which belonged to my father. I walked out, finding Faro and my father talking in an urgent whisper. The moment my father looked at me, I wanted to keep it from him. He limped toward me, pale and weak. He grabbed my shoulder, his eyes sought mine.
“If you want to make Gaia disappear after the baby is born, no one would blame you, least of all me, my son.” I nodded. It would not be the first time a Made Man killed his wife for cheating on her. Would things have been different if Gaia had not gotten pregnant? Would I have killed her like I did Andrea? I had already killed women. The whores the bikers kept around to suck their cocks, but they were armed and trying to kill me and my men.
Gaia was still a woman, still my wife, still Simona and Daniele’s mother. I would not kill her unless it was her life against my children’s or mine. “I don’t want her to disappear.” Dad looked at him puzzled. “Faro told me everything. How do you want to keep her around? She is a danger to you.” “I’m not worried about my life, but my children’s.” Dad cast a glance at Faro, then back at me. “You don’t even know if they are your children. You need to get a test done as soon as possible.”
“And then what?” I growled. Dad shrugged as if the matter was easy.
“If they are not yours, we can send Gaia and them to live with her family, and you can find a new wife who can give you children.”
Give Daniel away? Even our unborn child had already crept into my heart since I had first heard her heartbeat and seen the ultrasound image. Dad squeezed my shoulder tighter. “Alessio, be reasonable. You need an heir. You cannot want to raise another man’s children. For God’s sake, those children could be the result of incest. That’s a sin.” “Sin,” I repeated, chuckling bitterly. “Today I beat a man to death with my bare hands. Today I skinned and burned a motorcyclist to get information. I killed more men than I can remember. We sell drugs, weapons. We blackmail and torture. How can a child be a sin?”
Dad lowered his arm.
“Let’s postpone this discussion until another day.” “There will not be another discussion, Father. Daniel and Simona are my children, end of story. Anyone who claims otherwise will have to pay the price.” Part of my determination was cowardice. I was afraid of the truth, afraid to look into Daniele’s face and not see my child, but Andrea’s. I would never allow that to happen. Dad straightened up. “Don’t forget who you are talking to.” “I’m not. I respect you. Don’t destroy this by saying something I won’t forgive.” Dad leaned more heavily on the cane, letting out a deep sigh.
“If you prefer to live in the dark.” “The dark is where we all feel most comfortable.” I nodded to Faro.
“Get rid of the body.” He tilted his head, then turned to do his job. I could always count on him. But trust him after today? I would never trust anyone again.
My gaze landed on Gaia, whom I could see lying on the bed from my vantage point.
“How will you ever look at her face again after what she did?” My father asked.
“I doubt that will be a problem. She will probably never look at my face after what I did to Andrea.”
Three weeks later, Simona was born by C-section. Gaia’s emotional state had worsened, so we had to hold her at night and keep her guarded every minute of the day, even when she went to the bathroom. Elijah, Sybil and Mia took turns keeping an eye on her. I could not even be in the same room with her without her becoming hysterical.
I gladly avoided her, however. Although I had not loved her, her betrayal hurt me in a way I did not think possible. My home had been my safe haven, a place where I could relax after exhausting days of work, and my children were the light of my life. Now everything was shrouded in bitter darkness.
Daniel did not understand why he could not visit his mother, but I was afraid for him and afraid of what she would say to him. Gaia had always been vindictive, and now she had a reason to hate me.
When I held Simona the day after she was born, because Gaia did not want me there during labor, I fell in love with that child. Blood meant little at that time, and I would never let her.
Gaia did not get over Andrea’s death. I was foolish to think she could do that for Daniel and Simona’s sake. For a while she made me believe she could. She took pills that calmed her down, and by the end she seemed almost as she was before.
Sybil and Mia still had to take care of Daniele and Simona. But things seemed to be getting better. We managed to play our roles in public, managed to avoid each other behind closed doors. Sometimes we settled for politeness, but the hatred in Gaia’s eyes always reminded me of the reality of our situation. I had killed the man she loved. She would never forgive me, and I did not need her forgiveness. I just needed her to find it in her to take care of our children.