The winds continued as night approached. The sound had diminished due to the snowpack, but we could tell it was deadly out. Tamara became stiff and less amorous, and I thought I might have let my desire go too far. The change was sudden, and it wasn’t like she didn’t happily participate. I gave her my concerned look, “Is something wrong?” She recognized the expression and nodded with embarrassment. She spoke quietly as if she didn’t really want me to hear. It was one of the few things I understood. She needed to pee.
I tried not to smile, but it was hopeless. To me, it was humorous. We were unwashed, had made a sexy mess of our bed, would probably die of exposure, and she was worried about peeing. She smacked my shoulder letting me know she didn’t think it was funny. I straightened my lips and kissed her tenderly.
The cooking pot was all we had. Unless we wished to water our bed and freeze to death sooner, the pot would have to serve. I handed it to Tamara, and she shook her head. “We don’t have a choice,” I said and handed it to her again. She sighed and took it. I knew she was close to losing control of her bladder; I could see it in her face. She got on all fours, thought about it, then signaled for me to turn away. I smiled, held back a chuckle, and turned away. I knew everything about her body, yet she was embarrassed about peeing. Hell, I cleaned her up when she was unconscious.
The sound of her stream hitting the pan and was loud, then softened as it began to fill. I heard her softly complaining, words that I am sure weren’t meant for young ears. When the stream stopped, I turned back I saw a pot of pee in her hands and tears in her eyes. I saw no more humor. Peeing in front of me had hurt her. I carefully took the pot and set it near the door. I crawled back to her carrying one of the old man’s shirts. I put a hand behind her neck and pulled her shaking lips to mine. At the same time, I wiped her dry between her legs with shirt’s sleeve. There was no way I was going to let nature’s call come between us. She folded into me, and I felt the embarrassment fade away. She was smiling when I looked again. Such a lovely smile.
I broke the seal and pushed snow away from the upper section of the door. Bitter cold met my arm as I extended the pot out and emptied it. I was sure it would freeze quickly. I pulled my arm back in and closed the gap. Knowing I wasn’t going to make the night, I began to fill the pot myself. Tamara watched me, mesmerized. Even with all her brothers, I suspect she had never seen a man relieve himself. When I was done, she was there with the shirt. She lovingly cleaned me and followed with a tender kiss. More lovely words whispered as she let me know that everything was okay. Somehow, I loved her more.
We had to be gross about it. Survival required no less. I broke the seal, dumped out the pot then filled it with snow. I brought it in quickly, scrubbing it as best I could, then repeated the dumping and filling again. I sealed the gap for a final time that evening. The temperature had dropped dramatically inside, and my arm was freezing and had lost some of its color. Tamara hugged it to her chest as we shivered in the blankets. Once feeling returned to my arm, I lit the Sterno can, with one of our precious matches, and held the pot above to melt the snow.
Tamara made a face, indicating the pot. I shrugged my shoulders, “not much choice.” I said. She moved in close and kissed my cheek. We huddled near the only sources of heat, Sterno and each other. When the snow had melted, and the water warmed, I tried to remove it from the flame. Tamara pushed my hand back and made a popping sound with her lips. I laughed and left the water over the flames to boil. She lightly bit my ear with her lips to stall my laughing and relieved me of the pot. She was in charge of sanitation.
The Sterno took the cold bite out of the air as it brought the water to a strong boil. After the melting, there was less than a third of a pot of water. There was no way we were going to break the seal again that night, so a third would have to do. We covered the Sterno and let the water cool.
We became tender, caressing with no sexual intent. Tamara needed the closeness after all the stress of handling nature’s call in my presence. I loved her that way, so soft and caring. She thought she had lessened herself, exposing her animal needs. Greedily, I found it worth her minor shame. A cost worth enduring for such warm love. If a rescue team had showed up at that moment, I would have cursed them and all they held dear. I was exactly where I wanted to be, reassuring the most beautiful woman in the world that she had lost nothing.
Somehow, we slept. Our ears became used to the wind, our minds shutting it out as normal. Entwined in each other’s arms, we found safety and warmth. I awoke once to some less than dainty snoring that I found strangely reassuring. I liked Tamara relaxed and sound asleep. Her breathing, loud or not, was part of her. It reminded me she was alive and comfortable in my arms. Like the wind, the snoring became part of everything and I slept again.
I awoke to silence. Sometime during the night the storm had exhausted itself. The hut was dimly lit in a morning glow. My eyes opened to find Tamara on her side, her head propped in her hand, watching me. She smiled, and my life held meaning. “Good morning gorgeous,” I said, adding my smile to hers. She said something musical and leaned in for a kiss. I let the words and the kiss wash away the cold threat outside. Her hand trailed down my side and reached between my legs. More soft words and a pair of eyes filled with desire left no room for misinterpretation. We heated the hovel with more love.
Wearing everything that would fit us, we ventured outside. The hut needed fresh air and we needed to assess our situation. The situation wasn’t good. The snow was to our knees where our fire used to be and the drifts against the trees were waist high. There would be no more finding dead wood. We knew where our supply was buried though it held only a day’s worth. Our food was exhausted and even if we could attempt the cliff, we would die of exposure quickly.
I looked over the whitened landscape and smiled. At least it was beautiful. If you had to die, it might as well be among nature’s perfect landscape. Tamara slid in next to me, wrapping her arm around me and sighed. She had come to the same conclusion.
“Tamara, will you spend the rest of your life with me?” I asked softly. My heart wasn’t joking though the words held ironic humor. She looked up at me and smiled. I kissed that smile and accepted it as a yes. I let the grimness fade away and decided to make Tamara happy for as long as I could. They say freezing to death is like falling asleep. I couldn’t think of anyone else’s arms I would rather fall asleep in.
We dug out the fire pit and lit, what was most likely our last fire. Depending upon the weather, this could be our last time outside for any length of time until spring. We wouldn’t last until spring. We both knew what it meant and let it go to enjoy what time we could together.
The fire felt wonderful. Things got a little damp around it, so we had to be careful to stay dry. Somehow, through her tenacity, Tamara taught me a game she called ‘gomoku.’ She sketched a many squared grid into the wet ground and we took turns placing Xs and Os into the squares until someone got four in row. I sucked at the game, but the stakes made it worthwhile. The winner got to demand a kiss wherever she, for it was never he, desired. Tamara had fun exposing portions of her skin to the cold and wasn’t afraid to make me kiss her ass. It was the worst game I ever loved.
We had a long conversation, my half about what I did for a living and the places I had been. She spoke happily about something to do with her home. It didn’t matter that we didn’t understand each other. In fact, the lack of any possible disagreement made it that much nicer. We could laugh about a spark from the fire landing on my shoe or snow suddenly tumbling down a tree. Anything different that caught our attention and was shared seemed important.
Tamara was happy to run off and take care of her needs out of my sight. I would smile when she returned so that I could see her blush. It would earn me a smack on the shoulder, but it was a loving smack. I would apologize with a kiss.
Overall, it was one of the best days of my life. As our rocks warmed, I took her hand and held it over my heart and placed my other hand on hers. She covered it with her hand. “I love you,” I admitted again. She nodded and cried. Fate put us together and dealt a lousy future. I thought about what life could have been and saw nothing of value that didn’t contain Tamara. I preferred our short existence to one without her. We held each other as the last of the wood burnt low.
I tried adding growth I ripped from trees, but it produced more smoke than heat. Our last fire was done. Tamara smiled and held out her hand. In time, we would be done. For now, we would make love.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Tamara shook me awake, babbling as my eyes took in the morning glow. I smiled, thinking she wanted to continue last night’s activities. Thinking back warmed me against the chill in the air. She pointed to the door then put a finger to her lips and one to her ear. I listened.
The unmistakable sound of a helicopter came in and out, echoing from some unknown distance. I never dressed so fast in my life. The damn storm could have damaged our signal. The snow certainly covered any traces of a crash. I burst out into the morning and was met by bitter cold. I ignored it and headed to the cliff, trudging through waist deep snow banks at times. The sound increased as I neared.