~Joan~
I thought getting a job would finally make me happy. Instead, I found myself calling in sick, that I got the flu.
Once I left Aaron’s office, I went straight to the convenience store, grabbed a few bottles of beer, and headed home.
I drank until I was numb, cried until my eyes felt dry, took a scalding shower, and curled up in bed. Still, nothing felt better. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong, but the answers wouldn’t come.
Even as evening fell, I didn’t move. My phone buzzed with texts and calls, but I ignored them all. I knew it wasn’t him. It would never be him again.
He had meant it when he said we were done, and my heart-God, my heart-felt like it had shattered into a million pieces.
If I thought I’d been in love before, it was a lie compared to this. Aaron made me fall hard, so fast I couldn’t stop it. And then he crushed me.
It was over now. I knew I had to let myself mourn what could have been, but I felt so drained, so empty.
I wanted to close my eyes and wake up to find it was all a dream. The pain, the self-pity, even the endless questions swirling in my head-I wanted it all to vanish. I hated myself for feeling this way.
“God, this place sucks,” a voice called out from the living room. I pulled the blanket over my head, too exhausted to respond.
“Goodness, Jo. What the fuck?” Rhoda’s voice came closer, and then the blanket was ripped off my body. I groaned, hating that she could see me like this.
“What’s going on?” she asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Hi,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. “What are you doing here?” My voice came out small, like I was far away from myself.
She leaned over and placed the back of her hand on my forehead. Her face tightened with worry.
“Have you been drinking? There are bottles everywhere,” she said, her concern evident now.
I let out a humorless chuckle and shook my head slightly. “Too many questions,” I muttered, a weak smile tugging at my lips.
Her eyes narrowed at me.
“Yeah,” I admitted with a sigh. “I’ve been drinking. Haven’t done that alone in a long time.” My words slurred a little, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I added, glancing at her through the haze in my head. “What are you doing here?”
“Really? I’ve been calling and texting you for hours. You didn’t answer, so I came to make sure you were still alive. And now…” She gestured around my messy room.
I stayed quiet for a moment, letting her words hang in the air.
“I have a lot to tell you, but… you’ll just have to read my book for that,” I said, trying to force some humor into my voice.
Rhoda huffed. “Jo, are you drunk?”
I frowned at her. “Come on, it takes more than a few beers to get me drunk.”
Even as I said it, I wished it wasn’t true. I wished I could drown myself in alcohol and numb the ache in my chest, even just for a little while.
I rubbed my face with both hands. “I think I sent the book to your email. Check it out when you can.”
Rhoda didn’t say anything right away. Instead, she pulled out her phone.
“Gosh, you’re acting ridiculous right now. Why would you send me your book before it’s released? You promised not to give me any spoilers.”
I laid back down, draping my arm over my face. A sinking feeling settled in my stomach. It was only a matter of minutes before I lost my best friend too.
“I love you, Rhoda,” I said quietly, my voice barely more than a whisper. “I mean it.”
“Are you dying on me?” she asked, half-joking, but her voice wavered. “Because this is starting to freak me out…” She trailed off.
And then I knew. She had seen it. The first six words of the chapter.
I fucked my best friend’s brother.
She let out an awkward chuckle, glancing at me over her phone. “Well, this is an… interesting way to start a chapter.” But when she saw my face, her smile faded.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking.
Her expression fell as she dropped her phone on the bed. “What are you apologizing for? It’s just a book, right?” Her voice was soft now, almost pleading.
I shook my head.
“Right?” she repeated, quieter this time.
I sat up, running my hand through my hair. “I slept with your brother. It happened in Spain… and here.” My voice cracked, and I looked down at my sheets. “We made a deal, and…”
I told her everything. The whole story. My hands trembled, and by the time I finished, tears were streaming down my face. Rhoda just sat there, staring at me like I’d grown a second head.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, reaching for her hand. She pulled away. And there… I was losing her.
A tear slid down her cheek, and she shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this,” she said, more to herself than to me. She stood abruptly, pacing the room.
“Joan, you slept with… Aaron?” She stopped and stared at me. I nodded, feeling the weight of her judgment like a punch to the chest.
“Oh my God,” she said, pacing again. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”
I stayed silent, watching her unravel.
“I thought you hated him. What changed? I trusted you, Jo. I trusted that you wouldn’t… wouldn’t betray me like this.” Her voice cracked, and fresh tears welled in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, but the words felt hollow.
“Sorry can’t fix this!” she shouted, her voice trembling. “You lied to me! You betrayed me! You… slept with my brother.”
Her words hit me like daggers, each one cutting deeper than the last.
“Did you seduce him?” she asked suddenly, her voice sharp and cold.
“What? No! Why would you-”
“Because Aaron would never go for you,” she snapped. “You’re not his type. You’re not his class.”
Her words knocked the air out of me. I blinked at her, stunned.
“You think I forced him into this?” My voice wavered, but she didn’t answer.
She grabbed her phone and purse off the bed. “We’re done here. Don’t ever contact me again. I don’t need a lying slut for a best friend.”
And then she was gone, slamming the door so hard I thought it’d break off it’s hinges.
I didn’t go after her. I let her walk out of my life. Just like that, the two most important people in my life were… gone.