(Embry’s POV)
I had done it again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again.
It’s only a mistake if you learn from it, so then what was this, self sabotage, some form of self harm. I was clueless, I was let down. Let down by myself, I shouldn’t have expected anything different from Noah and yet I did, but there was only so many times I could avoid the blame. It was as if anytime I looked at him, anytime I really saw him, I wasn’t seeing all those messed up things, instead I was seeing all the happy moments we had together. Wistfully thinking it could happen again, but it couldn’t.
It couldn’t. It couldn’t. It couldn’t. It can’t.
Why can’t I just get that in my head? Why wasn’t Sebastian enough? Why do I keep coming back to Noah? Why did I need to pick the lesser of two evils? Why couldn’t I be normal?
Why were emotions so confusing? So heavy? I felt so weighed down, not even by the thought of what he was about to do to me but at the thought of where I was meant to go from here. He whistles a tune and I dance, he pulls the strings and I move, he calls my name and I run straight into his arms. Where was the logic? The reasoning?
If I could find reasoning behind my emotions, behind my actions then I could hide behind that and avoid facing them head on. Why does my hope outshine my hate? Why so many questions and no answers?
“It can be just like it was before Embry baby, but that was before Sebastian, that means I need to take precautions that you would never go back to him, and there is only one way for you to learn” Noah explains smiling, breaking my train of thought as he folded the belt in his hands.
I scrunch my eyes up, ashamed of my stupidity. You really should have seen this coming Embry. “Take off your shirt, kneel on the floor and place your hands flat down on the bed” he sternly commanded. I mindlessly did as he said, if he did this then maybe I could finally hate him. Goosebumps rose on my back as the cold air hit my skin. Fisting my hands on the sheet, I tensed in fear for the pain I knew was about to come.
“We’ll start off gently for today, five strikes with the belt.” Nothing much registered at first but then the pain lit across my back with the first hit. Choking on my breath, I bit my fist to stop the cries attempting to force themselves from my mouth. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction after everything else he has gotten from me today.
He hit the exact same spot for the next two times, my sobs ringing out through the room at that stage. He made sure to drag out the waiting time, it was smart of him because that was the worse part. Waiting and knowing what was to come. No matter how much it burned, I refused to beg.
“And done, I’m so proud of you babygirl, you took that like such a good girl, my good little girl” he beamed, bringing me in for a hug as I continued to sob loudly. “Y-you were right, you are worse than your father” I cried out, forced to clutch on to his shirt for support as he pulled me from the bed. He hesitated in his movements at my words, I hope they hurt half as bad as my back does right now.
I could feel the blood dripping from the open cuts, the air stinging the wound more. “You’re just struggling to see the bigger picture” he flashed a demented smile my way, “shh, shh, now no need to cry babygirl, it’s over and you can just forget about Sebastian.”
He was careful not to place his hands anywhere near my back as he guided me towards the bed, letting me drop with a groan onto my stomach. My tears created a puddle beneath me as I silently sobbed. My back pulsated with pain, my breaths shaky as I dug my fingers into the sheet, praying for some sort of relief. “I need to run upstairs to get the first aid stuff, don’t do anything stupid” he quickly pecked me wet cheek. As if I could do anything anyway.
I felt delusional with the pain, the pain of my head and back this time. And so I was extremely confused as the door opened less than a minute later, he couldn’t have been that quick. I made no attempt to move, staying deathly still bringing me a minor form of relief. “Shit princess” my eyes darted to Sebastian’s crouching form, as he lowered himself to my eye level.
“I-it hurts” I whimpered, my hand unconsciously moving out to hold onto his own. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he muttered, his free hand stroking my messy hair. “S-Sebastian” I sniffled, holding his hand tightly in my own, it bringing me a sense of comfort. “I don’t want to keep doing this with Noah anymore” my voice was scratchy, my throat dry and tight.
His words from the previous day haunting me;
“Just say you’ll be mine, Embry, I can take you away from all this”
Nothing about this situation was right, nothing I did was right. But I could make it right, couldn’t I? I had given up on the idea of full freedom, there was no peace for me in this world. But I might not have had to suffer so much, not have to be in so much pain all the time. But if I did this, I was erasing any connection I had to my life.
Noah was my only link to remind me of my world beyond this house, that’s why I kept giving into him, because I didn’t want to lose it. I either lose it, or I lose myself. Sebastian had never given me any reason to believe he would hurt me, he had never laid a hand on me, never threatened me. He had been my safety for the past while. I was too scared to die, but perhaps death wasn’t my only means of escaping.
“I’ll be yours Sebastian.” My voice was weak, as I gazed at his face, his lips tugging into a small smile. “I’ll protect you princess,” relief shattered through my body like a tidal wave as his lips pressed against my forehead. With a strenuous amount of effort, I lifted myself from the bed, my teeth gritted at the pain the movements resulted in.
“No, no, princess, don’t get up” in confusion I lay down on the bed again. If we didn’t leave soon, Noah would come back, “there’s a camera in here, don’t worry I’ve shut it off right now but I saw how easily you gave into him Embry” a bitter sense of shame filled me at his words. “So I need to protect you from yourself first of all” at this point he was standing up, so I could no longer judge what was happening by his facial expression.
Small whimpers leave me, “if we leave and he finds us I need to be sure you won’t run back into his arms Embry, I need you to hate him, and the only way for me to do that is if he hurts you.” My tears increase tenfold, as I scrunch my eyes up. “I’m so sorry princess, it’s the only way” I turn my head as he lowers himself in front of me again. No longer wanting to look at him, I was really on a roll today. “I have to go, I love you Embry” he muttered, my body flinching at his words.
Why did they do that? Say they love me, programme me to think that this is what love was meant to be like. Both brothers trying everything they could to make sure I wouldn’t return to the other at the cost of such pain. But I couldn’t argue with Sebastian, he was right. I was physically, mentally and emotionally weak. I was looking for an easy way out and if I had gotten it, there was no guarantee I wouldn’t fall back into the trap that was Noah Hill.
But that meant that when this was all over, I could finally be free. That Sebastian would take me away from here, I could make it through this then. I could feel my want to be with Noah decreasing everyday, it was no longer as prominent as it had been before. I wanted a life without him, and if that meant giving myself to Sebastian, I was okay with that.
I really did have feelings for Sebastian, not quite as deep or messed up as those for Noah but they existed nonetheless. I could finally let myself give in guiltlessly to him, because what did I have to lose?
“I brought soup babygirl” Noah chirped out, shutting the door with a bang behind him. Maybe if I was nice to him he would show me mercy, and then the quicker Sebastian could come and free me. “T-thanks” I mumbled, keeping my gaze fixated on the wall, “don’t sound so upset little bug, this is for the best.”
Swinging my head around gently to look at him, my eyebrows furrowed, “you’re right” I whispered. This would be for the best. “You’re so beautiful” he beamed, seating himself on the bed once again, messing around with some bandages.
“This is definitely going to hurt,” he warned, before pouring something on my back. I shot forward off the bed with the pain of it, desperate to get away from the intense torture as he disinfected my wound. A high pitched cry left me at the aching of my back as I was yanked towards Noah by the chain.
“Ah, ah, Embry, behave” he scolded, pulling me over to him so I was seated on the bed. My senses were blurred by the excruciating blaring pain of it all, the bandages covering it offering no repose to my situation. “All better” he flashed a toothy grin as I clutched onto the fabric of my clothing, failing miserably at trying to settle my breath.
“Now baby, show me you’ve learned the lesson from today, so tomorrow we can continue where we left off and not have to start over” my eyes widened at the wording of his sentence. Today’s. “W-what do you mean?” I spluttered, confusion present in my tear filled eyes. A bored look suddenly formed on his face, “you didn’t really think five strikes with a belt was all it would take to teach you a lesson?” A look of realisation lighting up on his face, “oh my poor naive Embry, you not only left me for 20 days but you betrayed me in the worst possible way, actions have consequences little bug.”
His thumb resting against my cheek, a misplaced loving look in his eyes, “today was only a little introduction, I don’t want to overwhelm you, I’m not doing this for fun Embry, I’m doing this for you. That is why I’ve decided 20 days down here will be good for you, with nobody but me” he smiled dreamily. Oh God, maybe I can’t wait it out for Sebastian. Noah would break me before I ever saw the light of day again, I’m not strong enough for this.
“Noah, no-no please” I begged, pulling his hand from my face and cradling it in mine. “I don’t like it down here, and-and, my back hurts, and my head hurts as well, please” desperation seeping from every word that passed my lips. “Don’t tell me you’re already cracking on day one” he smiled teasingly, playing with my hair as if this was normal.
“I-I” I was at a loss for words, it seemed that he heard me but never listened in these circumstances. “It’s alright my pretty little flower, I promise it won’t be so bad, I’ll practically be with you all the time except at night, doesn’t that sound nice?”
Scrunching my eyes up, I looked away from him knowing there was no winning, there was simply surviving. “Y-yes” I lied, sitting still as he fidgeted with my hair and fingers, every breath I took causing a shock of pain. “That’s my girl” he stood, picking the soup up from a small side table I hadn’t even noticed was sitting in the corner.
“Tsk, tsk, I’ll feed you” he shook his head, bringing the spoon to my lips. Hesitantly consuming the soup, if I was to guess I would say it was vegetable, it just tasted different to the usual ones. “Is it still Christmas?” I questioned between the spoonful of soups, “no, Christmas was yesterday” he sighed. A heavy feeling encasing me, my limbs going tingly. I think I had lost quite a bit of blood, I was beginning to feel lightheaded.
“I-I don’t feel good, I pushed the spoon from my lips, leaning my body weight against Noah, my movements sluggish. “You’re okay, it’s just a little something extra I added to the soup” he smugly guided me to lie on top of his chest. “W-what?” even speaking felt like too much effort. “Just to keep you weak, and dependent, it isn’t dangerous, don’t be panicking my dear wife” he smiled softly as his hand took it’s position in my hair stroking it softly.
13
I was fully conscious, I could hear, see, smell, taste and feel things just fine. I was just struggling to move, my body felt strained and heavy more so than it did before. “I-I don’t,” I stilled, focusing on making my pronunciation clear, “like this feeling.”
“You’ll get used to it eventually baby, I know you will because you’re my obedient little flower” I couldn’t see his face, my eyes focused on the wall in front of me. Tilting my head upwards seemed pointless because I would have to tilt it back down and that seemed like a hassle and a half. “Take a nap, Embry, I won’t go anywhere” he soothed, the pressure of his fingers against my scalp putting my headache at ease.
Today’s events taking a toll on me as my eyes fluttered close, a light slumber surrounding me.
I could only hope that I was right to put my trust in Sebastian.