“It didn’t seem like it back then and I wanted to move on with Sean. He was there for me when you weren’t. But you fought with him which made me so confused. You didn’t to be with me but then you didn’t want me to be with another man. I completely despised you and I rejected all your advances because I was so hurt by you. But the ironic thing is, no matter how much I hated you and your guts, I still harbored my feelings for you. My heart still beat at the sound of your name, I always thought of you and I always wished we would be together in peace. But things were always getting complicated. I come from a family with high moral standards and I was going against them for you. I planned to stay a virgin for the man I marry but for you I gave that up. I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help myself when I was with you. I lost all logical sense of reasoning.”
“After our first time, I didn’t deliberately run away. I went away because I needed a break. I had already planned the trip beforehand and I didn’t even know we were going to sleep together that night at your apartment. When I got home to Virginia, I became so embarrassed about what happened. I felt like I’d let my parents down. And when you came over, I felt even worse because we were both under the same roof. I tried to avoid you as much as possible but what happened on our last night was completely out of control. It was not entirely your fault because I consented to it as well. But it really broke down my relationship with my parents. I lost them, my job, and one of my best friends. All because of you. I couldn’t stand you. I just wanted you to leave me alone before you ruined my life completely. And then I found out about the baby. All I could think about was how reckless you were. I hated myself for trusting you. You said I would take the pill and everything will be okay, which I did. But things weren’t okay. I didn’t want to tell you about the baby because at the time I didn’t want you in my life anymore . But you always kept showing up. Now I’m thankful that you want to take responsibility. About what happened the other day in my kitchen, lets forget about it and pretend it never happened.”
He had been right when he said that awful thing to me. I really couldn’t support the baby on my own. I don’t make enough money from my job at Burberry.
“So you’ll have my support?” He asked.
“Yes Adam. I need it.” I said and he smiled.
“Good. I will set up a direct debit at the beginning of every week for child support. If there are more doctor appointments or anything else that requires my presence, let me know as well.”
“I will.”
“I’m afraid I have to get going.” He said suddenly, looking at his phone.
What?!
“Right now?” I asked surprisedly.
After everything I just said, he was just going to leave?
“Yes Sophia.” He raised his hand and a waiter made his was to our table immediately. Our dishes had already been cleared sometime during our conversation. He gave his card to the waiter and paid the bill.
“Is something wrong?” I asked him.
“No, I had somewhere to be earlier. I couldn’t cancel but I was able to postpone. I have to leave now in order to drop you at home and still make it in time.”
“Thank you very much sir, enjoy the rest of your evening.” The waiter handed him his card and left.
“Come, lets go.” He said to me as he stood up.
I didn’t want to leave but I reluctantly stood up too. He rushed us both to the car and drove with such speed that I was getting worried.
“Is it work related?” I asked as he sped through the traffic.
“Um, yeah.”
He didn’t sound sure. He was probably going to meet Caroline.
I started to panic!
Apparently, everything I said to him this evening had not changed his mind. And he was still going to meet up with her. This was not the way I planned the night to end and I have to come up with something else.
I can’t throw myself at him. It didn’t work the last time, and it would only repel him now. I have to give him a valid reason for him to stay with me and not that woman! Maybe I could invite him over for a bit and distract him…
“Okay Sophia, we’re here.” He said.
“Oh.” I hadn’t noticed we’d gotten home so quickly. I was too busy plotting how to get him to come home with me.
“I’m glad we had the chance to talk about our issues in the past. From hearing the full story, I think now we can both finally move on.”
I almost choked.
Move on??? The whole purpose of me telling the story was for us to come to an understanding and finally get back together!
“Um Adam… I- I don’t know what to say.”
I couldn’t believe how evasive he was being. Was he doing it on purpose or was he really that naive?
“There’s nothing else to say Sophia. Finally, we can both find some closure.” He said.
But I don’t want to find closure! No no no!
“Adam, you don’t understand, I- I-” I stammered on for a bit. I tried to find the words but I couldn’t. I had to come up with something. “Would you like to come in for a bit?”
“I can’t, I’m running late.” He looked at his watch eagerly.
“B- but there’s so much more I want to talk to you about. About us.” I tried my best to make him not leave.
“Another time Sophia. Please I really have to go.” He sounded impatient and I felt like I was bothering him now.
“Oh, okay.”
“Thank you.” He said dismissively.
I was going to cry so I quickly got out of the car. I didn’t want him to see my tears.
“See you soon.” He said but I only heard half of it because he drove away so fast without looking back.
I wanted the ground to swallow me.
I had thought that telling him the truth was going to make things better between us. And maybe he would forgive me for the things I did back then. But it’s way too late for that. Clearly the man has moved on and is no longer interested in me. Nothing I say or do can bring him back to me. This time, I’ve lost him forever.
I wiped my gushing tears as I cried on the street.
I went inside once I stared getting stares from people but I didn’t go to my apartment. I went to the one person who has always been there for me during times like this.
I knocked on her door and she opened after a few minutes.
“Sophia you’re- Oh my god.” She exclaimed after looking at me properly. “What happened?” She pulled me in.
“It didn’t work. He wants nothing to do with me.” I sobbed.
“Oh no.” She pulled me in for a hug. “Did he say that to you?”
“Not exactly… but he suggested we both move on and find closure. Then he dropped me off and now he’s on his way to Caroline’s.”
“Oh heavens! Sophia if you had just went to the ball with him, none of this would have happened!”
“I know Lily. And we would be together right now if I had said yes to his question.”
“What question?”
“The day I had my prenatal. He asked me again if I wanted to be with him. And I said no.”
She raised an eyebrow at me,
“I don’t know if the pregnancy syndromes are the reason for your poor choices and irrationality… or you’re just genuinely out of your senses.”
“Oh Lily please help me fix this. I know he’s ready to let go, but I’m not. I need you to help me come up with a plan C.” I begged.
“Okay. We’ll play by my rules this time okay?” She held my head in her hands like she was talking to a baby. I just simply nodded.
At this point, I can’t trust myself or any decision I make in life concerning Mr Wilson. Someone has to intervene.