I took a seat in the small set of bleachers, watching Sandy as she moved between the players as they went through their cool-down stretches. Paige was at the front of the group, calling out movements. I’d had to remind myself not to blush and wave to the coach when she saw me. She’d stayed professional, of course, but there’d been a twinkle in her eye when she’d seen I was there.
The practice ended, and Sandy came over to talk to the parents while the girls went in to change to go home. What would it be like if we were together, not hiding, if she could just come over and kiss me like I so badly wanted her to? We didn’t speak, which was probably for the best, since my emotions were such a mess around her.
“Mom, you okay?”
I looked over at my daughter as she drove us home. “What? Sure, why?”
“Well, you let me drive without any stern warnings, and you haven’t made a single comment about how I’m doing. Usually you’re all, like, ‘put your turn signal on, honey, don’t follow so close.’ Y’know, stuff like that.”
“Oh, sorry, just some things on my mind. And you’re doing great.”
Paige laughed. “Thanks. So, what are you thinking about?”
“Oh, nothing important.”
“Well, if you want something important to think about, Kaylin’s parents got her a car. Now they don’t have to come pick her up after practice anymore.” She looked sideways at me, a little half smile playing at the corner of her mouth.
“Nice try, little lady.”
“Oh, but I do need some money for a homecoming ticket. They’re on sale now.”
“Did someone ask you to the dance?”
“No, and that’s fine. A bunch of girls on the team are going together. And I need a dress. I guess I could try to wear something I already have.” She made her voice sound resigned and pathetic, which made me laugh.
“Alright, fine. Besides, your grandmother would skin me alive if you went to a school dance without a new dress.”
Paige pulled into our driveway, heading around back and into the garage. Once she had the van in park she leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, we can go shopping Saturday. But for that car quip you get to help me make dinner”
“Aww. I have homework!”
“Then you better get started. You can make the rice.”
We climbed out of the car and headed inside. “Y’know, Mom, just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I have to know how to cook.”
“I’m not teaching you to cook because you’re a girl. I’m teaching you because you’re a person. I promise your brothers will get their fair share. Now come on.”
I tossed Paige the package of rice while I pulled out the chicken breasts I’d defrosted. I started to work on them while Paige measured water into a sauce pan.
“Mom!”
I looked over at her. “What?”
“You’re singing!”
I tried to laugh off my blush. “I was not!”
“You were, too.”
I heard the fridge open to my left, where Charlie was pulling out a container of blueberries. “You were singing, Mom.”
“So what? Don’t ruin your dinner, honey.”
“I won’t.” Charlie disappeared back into the family room.
Paige stirred the rice into the water as she turned on the burner. “So-o, why were you singing? What happened this weekend?”
“Nothing.” My cheeks burned, and I could hear the defensiveness in my voice. “Give that a stir.”
My attempt at deflection failed. “Did you meet someone at Uncle John’s Fundraiser?”
“No, most definitely not.” I laughed off that idea. “Maybe I’m just happy the lights of my life are home.”
“Uh-huh. We come home a lot. You don’t sing. You always said you’d never lie to me, so tell the truth. Please?”
I closed my eyes and had a quick internal debate. Was Paige more likely to drop it if I just kept up with my little white lie, or if I told her a simplified version of the truth? I really didn’t want her snooping around trying to satisfy her teenage curiosity.
I breathed out a sigh. “If I tell you, it has to stay between us. I do not want your brothers, your father, or god forbid your grandmother asking me about it. Understood, young lady?” Paige nodded, wide-eyed. “Fine, yes, I’ve met someone. I like them a lot, but we’ve only been out a couple of times, and it’s way too early to introduce everyone, okay?”
Paige was grinning from ear to ear, her hands flat against each other in front of her mouth. “Can I give you a hug?”
I laughed. “Of course, sweetie.”
My daughter wrapped her strong arms around me. “I’m proud of you, Mom, and I’m really happy for you.”
I chuckled, touched. “Thanks, sweetheart.” I couldn’t help but wonder how happy for me she’d be if she knew exactly whom I’d started seeing. But that was a question for another day. I’ll admit it was kind of surreal, sitting around the dinner table with my three children. Usually it was me wondering what was going on in their inscrutable teenage minds. Now I was the one with the huge, life-altering secret.
I remembered sitting down to dinner with my parents after the first time I’d had sex. I’d been seventeen, and, after the first uncomfortable moments, I’d loved every second of it. But after sitting there with people I’d known literally since before birth, it was so strange. They had no idea their little girl wasn’t so little anymore, and I couldn’t believe how everything was the same, but so different, too.
This was very much like that. I had to remind myself several times that I was an adult, and that I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I was in control of my own life, and made my own choices. But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t get me in trouble.
***
Sandy – So, how do you feel about Chinese Wednesday?
Me – Sounds perfect. That’s something else on the list of things Charlie won’t eat. Although we do go occasionally and get him sweet and sour chicken with plain rice. No sauce.
Sandy – So chicken nuggets and white rice?
Me – Yep. Fried rice has vegetables. And try to get him to eat an eggroll, “yucky face emoji”
Sandy – lol Want 2 talk? I’d love to hear your voice before bed.
I rolled onto my right side under my covers. Me – Okay.
I pressed the green ‘accept’ icon as soon as it appeared on my phone. “Hi.”
“Hey, beautiful. I miss you.”
A grin stretched across my face. “Already? It hasn’t been twenty-four hours.”
“It didn’t take twenty-four minutes.” The purr in her voice sent a shiver down my spine. “You? You haven’t been regretting it, have you?”
She was trying to be funny, but I could hear the touch of fear in her voice. “Mmm, never. But I do need to tell you Paige caught me singing under my breath.”
Sandy laughed, a rich deep sound. “Really? Why were you singing?”
“No reason.” I held off a fit of the giggles for a few seconds, but when I stopped laughing I did tell her. “Paige got it out of me that I’d met someone, though. We just have to be careful.”
“That’s hard. Being around you makes me crazy.”
“You behave.”
“Okay, I’ll try. Are you in bed, baby?”
I giggled, rubbing my legs together under the sheets. “Yeah.”
“What are you wearing?”
I could feel the blush burning across my cheeks. “Some, um, sleep shorts and a camisole.”
“Ooh, sexy.”
“I felt sexy today for some reason.”
“Good, I’m glad. You know the pretty camisole you’re wearing?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Take it off.”
***
An hour later, when I’d finally disconnected the call, my body was humming from the orgasms I’d given myself while Sandy’s voice had been in my ear, whispering how beautiful I was, how incredible I tasted, how much she wished she were the one touching me.
I didn’t go to pick up Paige on Tuesday after practice. She said she could get a ride home with Kaylin, and someone had to get Charlie from middle school, since his robotics club was starting up. It was somewhat of a relief, not having to be hyper aware of my expressions and body language around Coach Dalton.
When Charlie and I got home Paige wasn’t there yet. I got dinner into the oven, checked in with Will, who was downstairs playing some video game or another. I sat by the front window with a book.