The smile on his face never slipped an inch. My mouth was hanging open in stunned shock as the music stopped. We separated, John turning toward the orchestra and applauding. I sort of stumbled away, joining the couples that were moving off the floor. I managed to find my way back to our table, my whole body numb.
I stood there for a moment at our empty table before I saw my mother talking with a group of people about forty feet away. Our eyes met, and I knew that she was aware of exactly what John had just said to me, or that they had at least discussed it. Dad was still dancing with Henrietta, and I needed to be gone before he came looking for me, because if he asked me what was wrong I don’t think I would be able to avoid making exactly the sort of scene Mother and John wanted me to avoid.
Mom’s eyes flicked from me to the exit before turning back to her group, and I knew I’d been dismissed. I’m not sure if she knew how close I was to losing it, or if she’d even care if she did. But the message was the same: ‘Get out’.
I took a deep breath as I made my way out of the ballroom to the valet station. Luckily no one stopped me to try to chat me up. I pulled my digital ticket up on my phone and a young man ran off towards the lot where they were keeping the cars.
As I waited the shame and mortification of the last few hours started to threaten to overwhelm my fragile emotional state. Luckily, the valets at the station didn’t try to engage me in any small talk, and it was just a few minutes later that I saw my van coming up the drive.
I thanked the young man, slipping him a tip and climbing in. Concern spread across his face as he handed me my keys, but he was too well trained to ask. It just made me more upset, so I drove to the nearest empty lot I could find, near the golf clubhouse, and broke down crying.
I just let myself weep for a few minutes, before I forced myself to stop. I pulled out my phone to turn it off silent and check to see if I had anything from the kids. I had multiple notifications, like always, but only one text. But it wasn’t from Bill or the kids.
Sandy – I hope your dance went well. I wish I could have been there. I’ve been thinking about you all night. Miss you.
My hand went to my mouth when I saw the small picture next to the text. My lip quivered and another sob escaped. I wanted to talk to her so badly. Everything would be so much better if she were here.
My hand was shaking as I pressed her icon. The phone rang once.
“Hey, how’d it go?”
“Sandy?” I couldn’t help letting go a sob, which caused the brightness to drain out of her voice.
“Melanie? What’s wrong? What happened?”
Suddenly my chest burned with shame. What was I doing? A forty-three year old woman crying because her brother had called her a name? How ridiculous was that? Of course, those thoughts only made me more upset.
“I’m sorry, never mind. I shouldn’t have called.”
“Melanie.” Her voice simultaneously chided me for retreating and begged me to tell her what was wrong. And god, I wanted to. I wanted to throw myself into her arms, let her whisper in my ear that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to hear her tell me I was beautiful, even if I knew it wasn’t true.
“Melanie, please tell me what happened.”
“Exactly what I knew would happen.”
“And what was that?”
“That they don’t want me. That I’m a disgusting embarrassment.” My voice broke as I said it.
“Oh, sweetheart. Shh.” She let me cry for a few moments, whispering kindnesses to me until I got control of myself.
“I’m sorry. I should go home.”
“To your empty house?”
“It’s not empty. The cats are there.”
She chuckled, which made me smile for a second before I let out a sigh.
“Don’t go back there, Melanie. Come over, we can talk.” I hesitated for a second before she continued, her voice playful. “Please? If you don’t I’ll just worry about you all night. I won’t get any sleep. You want that on your conscience?”
I laughed, just a little. It was a strange sound, given everything else, but it felt nice. Just like it felt nice to be talking to Sandy. Just like it would feel nice to let her hold me.
“Melanie, I promise I won’t…”
“Okay. I’m coming.”
“Are you sure? I didn’t finish what I was going to say.” I could almost hear her trying not to smile.
“Don’t. Don’t say it. Just send me your address.”
“Okay. See you in a bit.” She hung up, and I had thirty seconds to ponder my life’s direction before her text came through. I knew what would happen if I went over there. She’d fix me with those eyes, and I wouldn’t be able to say no. I took a deep breath. Would I even want to say no? A sob shook free. The one thing I was sure of was that I didn’t want to be alone. No, that wasn’t right. I mean, I didn’t want to be alone, that was true, but it was more than that. I wanted to be not alone with Sandy. So, I did the only logical thing available. I pressed her address in the text, and directions popped up immediately on my nav system.
Fifteen minutes later I pulled into a subdivision of cookie cutter condos.
“In five hundred feet turn right. Your destination will be on the left.”
I obeyed the GPS instructions, watching the numbers change on the mailboxes. I finally reached 1833, and my van announced I’d arrived. I looked up at the non-descript dwelling. There was a hanging flower basket on the porch and a concrete goose in a small, mulched bed to the left. I didn’t really peg Sandy as the gardening kind, and that made me wonder if I was even in the right place, at least until the front door opened. Sandy looked out from behind the storm door, wearing silky green pajamas and a concerned look.
I couldn’t help but smile as a tear rolled down my cheek. She waved at me through the glass, her own grin spreading across her face. I pulled into the driveway as my heart pounded in my chest, and I took a few deep breaths before getting out. I was heading into Sandy’s condo, and I knew what that would mean. I’d had enough trouble saying ‘no’ to her in public. Here, in her home, I’d have no chance.
But why did I even care? I gave myself an internal shake. Maybe it would happen. Or maybe I was right, and she would finally come to her senses and realize she could do so much better than me. But before that maybe she’d hold me for a little while, and tell me I’m beautiful just one more time.
I was in tears by the time I made it to the door. Sandy was holding it open for me, and I stumbled inside, sobs shaking free from my chest. She kicked the door closed as she gathered me into her arms, and I let go of the ragged control I was keeping on my emotions, weeping openly as I rested my head on her shoulder.
“Oh, baby, shh, I’ve got you.” Sandy rocked me back and forth as I cried, whispering in my ear. “Don’t cry, my beautiful girl.”
I looked up at her, wanting to protest, but I was too upset to speak. I tried to shake my head, but she just kissed me on the forehead. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to get us some wine, we can cuddle by the fire, and you can tell me everything that happened, and then I’m going to tell you how wrong they were. Okay?”
I bit my lip and nodded, finally finding my voice, even though it was just a whisper. “That sounds wonderful.”
Sandy gave me another little peck on the cheek and headed into the kitchen, and I took my first look around. There was a large great room just beyond the entryway with a stone fireplace in front of a good-sized sectional. The vaulted ceiling rose from left to right, where a sliding double door sat closed.
I slipped off my shoes, stretching out my toes after their uncomfortable confinement. I placed my purse on the back of the sofa as Sandy came in behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Want one of these?”
I looked down at the two empty wine glasses she was holding as she pressed a kiss onto the skin of my shoulder, and I giggled, nodding and grinning over my shoulder at her.
“There’s my smile!” She turned me around, pressing my body to hers as she held me close. “I love seeing you smile.”
“That’s good. I seem to do it a lot around you.”
“I’m glad.”
My head rested against hers, and almost by instinct I lifted my chin so the taller woman could kiss me. Her lips covered mine, and it was long, wet, and glorious. I let my spirit just surrender to the tenderness of Sandy’s kiss. Finally, after several perfectly eternal moments, we separated. Sandy nodded toward the plush area rug in front of the gas fireplace.
“Wanna sit down so we can talk?”
“Do we have to talk?”
She ran her fingers through my hair. “Yeah, I think so.”
I bowed my head and nodded. She held my hand as I sat down, not an easy thing to do in an evening gown. I glanced at the fireplace. “So, can you start a fire?”
“Yep.” Sandy lowered herself down, legs akimbo, reaching over and grabbing a small black remote control. She pointed it at the hearth. “Incendio!” She pressed a button and flames leapt up behind the glass.
I laughed. “You are such a dork.”
“Guilty as charged. Now, sweetheart, what happened?”
Sandy poured us each a glass of wine, I began to talk, telling her everything that had occurred. It hurt, but less like twisting a knife in a wound and more like having one removed so it could heal. I could see the anger and revulsion on Sandy’s face as I related what my brother had said to me. Tears were rolling down my face, and I expected her to immediately tell me how wrong he was, to tell me I wasn’t useless or ugly, but she didn’t. Instead she just stood up and held out her hand.
“Dance with me?”
The non sequitur broke my melancholy for a moment. “What?”
“I want to dance with the prettiest girl at the party.”
That earned a half chuckle, half sob. “I can assure you that wasn’t me. Not by a long shot.”
“You would have been to me.” She pulled me to my feet. “No one would have outshone my Melanie.” Her hands moved over my shoulders and down my arms to my waist. She pulled me close. “And I just want to dance with her.”
I sighed and surrendered, putting my arm around her shoulders. “We don’t have any music.”
Sandy kissed me, just a little peck. “Alexa, play ‘Wonderful Tonight’ by Eric Clapton.”