I tried, quite unsuccessfully, to tune out the rest, sitting back in my chair as I attempted to disappear. My brother waffled on for ten minutes or so, talking about how all North Carolinians were family, and that family was under assault. “This used to be a secure district, but it has become increasingly competitive over the last few years. Without an incumbent, this will be the most dangerous election cycle in years, and frankly we need your help.”
Well here it comes, the shameless plug for money. All politics runs on money. The candidate with the money can buy the TV spots, and that wins votes. It’s a simple calculation, one my mother, brother, even my late grandfather could make with ruthless efficiency. The shallowness of it all made me sick.
“Well, I think that’s enough out of me. Now I plan on spending the rest of this beautiful evening dancing with my wife to this amazing orchestra, and maybe sneaking another piece of that tiramisu when she isn’t watching. Thank you all, and have a blessed evening.”
He received a standing ovation, shaking hands with Congressman Collinsworth, the Lieutenant Governor, and plenty of others along with a kiss and a photo op with Henrietta. My parents received their fair share of congratulatory handshakes. I stayed seated, increasingly disgusted by the whole spectacle.
After ten minutes the crowd began to break up, spurred at least in part by the music starting. Couples began moving out onto the dance floor as the staff began clearing away used plates and cutlery.
“Thank you.” I handed my plate to the young woman standing behind, smiling up at her. When I looked back my mother was approaching, shaking her head at my politeness. She sat down next to me with a dissatisfied huff.
“Melanie, if you can’t be supportive of this family,” she didn’t finish, just shaking her head.
“What are you talking about? I’m here, being supportive.”
“You’re sulking. You were dismissive and sullen all throughout your brother’s speech. Donors notice that. I’d tell you to go out and talk to people, but I’m not sure that wouldn’t do more harm than good.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “Can you be pleasant and personable for the rest of the evening?”
Emotion was starting to rise in my chest, and I tried to push away the tears. “Yes, Mother.”
“Good. Now I doubt anyone but your father will ask you to dance, but if they do you say ‘yes’ with a smile. And try not to throw too big of a wake if you do dance.” I fought back another surge of shame as my mother looked up at my hair and then down over my body. “God, why couldn’t you have learned to take care of yourself?”
“I’m sorry.” My voice broke as I spoke, small and pathetic. Shame burned inside me, although I couldn’t tell if it was due to my weight or my inability to stand up for myself.
“It’s not complicated Melanie. Go on a diet, stop sitting on your ass all day in that house.” She reached out and touched my cheek, regret evident in her voice. “You have such a pretty face. If you could lose just thirty or forty pounds you could be a real asset to your brother’s campaign. As it is,” she huffed and shook her head, eyes rolling. “Oh, please don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry.” I could feel a tear running down my face.
“Oh, god, Melanie, stop it.” Mother looked around, making sure no one was witnessing my embarrassment. “Go to the ladies room and collect yourself, and fix your makeup before you come back. Your father will want a dance before you go. God knows why.”
I stood up without another word, not being sure I could possibly get one out without breaking down, and hustled for the rear entrance to the hall. I found the ladies room and sat in a stall for quite a while, trying to compose myself. Eventually two women came in, and I went completely quiet as they freshened their makeup, laughing and gossiping about something that had nothing to do with me.
Their presence did give me the impetus to stop blubbering, and I made myself stand up as soon as they left. Luckily no one else came in as I repaired the damage my tears had done to my face, and I was in reasonable control of myself as I exited.
The dancing was in full swing as I approached the floor. Dad and my mother were waltzing, along with John and Henrietta. I really wanted to leave, but I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I did. Instead I just headed back to my seat and watched the couples move around the floor. I watched them, seeing how easy it was to pick out the ones who were dancing as friends and those who were, well, more.
The music was beautiful and I let my mind’s eye watch Sandra Dalton walk towards me, holding out a hand and pulling to my feet. I imagined what it would feel like to have her arms around me as we swayed to the music, her soft breath in my ear as she told me how beautiful I looked. I wouldn’t believe her, but it’d make me all warm inside when she said it anyway.
I was almost smiling when I sensed someone behind me. “Melanie.”
I looked up. “Hi, Joe. How are you?” I raised my hand, which he took, leaning forward and giving me a peck on my cheek.
“I’m well. Can I sit?”
“Of course.”
Joseph Druthers sat down next to me, his belly stretching against his cummerbund and his cherry cheeks shining. He took out his handkerchief and patted his damp forehead. “I danced with Annabelle Morrison. How does an eighty-five year old have that much energy?”
I laughed. “Are you kidding? I’ve heard about her and her tennis game. Not surprising.” I smiled warmly at him. “So how have you been, Joe?”
“I’ve been okay, thinking about things.” He reached over and patted my knee. “And don’t worry, your dad warned me about,” he nodded toward my mother.
I laughed. “That’s good. I don’t think I could handle trying to be charming tonight. So what’s new with you?”
“Well, I’m retiring early.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Brenda and the kids are up in Baltimore now, and I’m going to be moving up to be closer. I’m going to buy a boat, and take my grandkids fishing every Saturday.” He took a deep breath, looking out over the dancers. “Lucy would have adored this. Seeing everyone dressed up, she loved it.” He leaned forward. “And she would have loved your dress.”
I smiled back at him. “Thank you. I’m so sorry about Lucy, Joe.”
Joe smiled, his eyes sad and far away. “I remember when I was just a young kid, bound and determined to make my mark on the world. Life stretched out forever. And I spent so much, too much, time at work. Lucy never complained, happily taking whatever scraps of time I deigned to throw her way. I always thought there’d be time to take her traveling like she’d always wanted.” His eyes misted over, voice shaking. “And then all the time was gone, and no amount of money could get it back.” He gave himself a shake and slapped his knees. “So I’m going to do what Lucy would’ve wanted me to do. Spend time with my family. I don’t want to drop dead at my desk and never know them.”
“At least you exist to your family. My mother and brother, I think, would be happier if I just disappeared.”
“Oh, that’s not true.”
“Feels like it sometimes.” I looked around at the grandiosity of the room. “Like these times.”
“Don’t let them get you down, okay?”
“Sure, Joe, thanks. Tell Brenda I said ‘Hi’.”
He stood up. “I will. Goodnight, Melanie.”
As he left my parents came off the dance floor. My mother’s eyes gave Joe Druther’s retreating form an appraising look before turning to me. “Well?”
“He’s moving to Baltimore, Mother.”
She closed her eyes, exasperated. “You need to give him a reason to stay.”
“Well I’m not going to. He’s moving to be closer to his daughter and grandchildren, and I wouldn’t stop him even if I wanted to.”
My dad clapped his hands. “Well, since that’s settled, can I have this dance, Doodlebug?”
“Sure, Daddy.” I took his hand and let him guide me to my feet. We made our way out to the dance floor. Dad lifted his left hand, spinning me around before putting his right on my back and starting to move into a simple box step. I relaxed and let him lead, pulling to memory the six lessons Bill and I had had before our wedding.
For a few moments it was wonderful, and I was a little girl again, safe in her father’s arms. But one thing I know, or at least what I should’ve learned by now is that happy moments are fleeting.
“Can I cut in?”
Henrietta put her hand on my dad’s shoulder, batting her lovely blue eyes and flashing her perfect smile. I stepped aside, emotion swelling as I suddenly felt completely out of place without a partner. Someone touched my back and I turned, meeting my brother’s most polished politician smile.
He took my hand and brought me into dance position, but without any of the warmth with which my father had been holding me.
“Having fun, Sis?” His voice would have sounded pleasant to anyone who didn’t know him well, but what was behind it, well, it made me shudder.
“Sure, John, it’s a nice turn out.”
“Yeah, pretty good. Collinsworth always had one of the largest war chests in the Carolinas. This is a real good start, I’d say.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks. The thing is, I’ve talked to Mom about this and, well, I don’t think you need to come to anymore of these. I’m sure you’ll be happy about that.”
“Fine.” We continued to move around the floor as he continued, the pleasant tenor of his voice never changing.
“It’s just, well, politics is about perception, and I need to have people believe I come from the perfect, all-American family. And you don’t project that. At least,” he glanced down at my body, “not anymore. So from now on keep your fat ass at home, and don’t embarrass me. Understood?”