69

LAURA
Alex pushed to his feet immediately he saw me, dusting off the back of his jeans.
It was as though an invcisible force glued my feet to the ground like lead because I suddenly couldn’t move. I simply stood there with my purse hanging from one hand and the bag carrying my burger and fries on the other, staring at him
Oh, I was still holding the pepper spray, by the way.
The hallway was not very lit up, but my eyes clung to as much of him as I could see. Wearing a black hoodie and blue broken in jeans, he appeared leaner than he’d been the last time I saw him. The hoodie seemed to hang on his frame and the jeans sagged a little. Still, it didn’t take away from his good looks at all because he was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Evidence of that being my heart which was going one thousand miles per minute.
This could not be good for the baby.
I was not sure how long we stood there staring at each other. Could have been seconds, minutes or even hours, but it seemed to last a lifetime.
But it was him who broke the silence.
“Hey.”
The sound of his voice snapped me back to my senses and I blinked. What the hell was I doing ogling him in my own hallway?
I needed to make a list of rules and the first on the list was going to be; No ogling the cheat.
He wasn’t mine to look at anymore. Hell, he wasn’t mine at all.
Had never even been, apparently.
“What are you doing here?” The reminder of who exactly he was and what he’d done put enough bite into my tone.
His flinch shouldn’t have satisfied me so much. “I want–I need to talk to you.”
I lifted a brow. “Not interested.”
He had some nerve, I’d give him that. He wanted to talk? After what he’d done, he should be glad that I wasn’t ringing the cops at the mere sight of him.
Squaring my shoulders, I marched to my door, hoping that he’d step away from it because as unaffected as I might have sounded, being close to him still very much affected me and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do a good job of pretending it didn’t.
Just as I had hoped, he backed away even though his eyes clung to my form.
A pang went through my chest and I hated it. Hated that even now, he put my needs before his own. He must have known that him standing there would make me nervous and despite how desperate he seemed about talking to me, he’d thought of that. I absolutely hated it.
Why couldn’t he just be an asshole?
He is an asshole, I reminded myself, calling a halt on that chain of thought. There was no going soft on him now.
In fact, rule number two; no going soft on the cheat.
“Please, Laura,” he begged as I opened my door. “Just give me ten minutes of your time. Please.”
Hearing my name on his lips caused a tremor in my hand that I hoped to God he didn’t see. “No.” I was trying my best to keep my voice level because I didn’t want him to see just how much he was affecting me, but it was getting harder by the second.
I needed him gone. Far far away from here where I didn’t have to see him and remember what we’d had.
Preferrably, to another continent.
He shoved a hand through his hair in a move that betrayed his frustration, taking one step towards me before seeming to remmeber mid-stride that he was supposed to be giving me space. “Please. I just need you to listen to what I have to say.”
“And I need you to leave,” I sneered at him, abandoning my key in the lock. My hands were shaking so badly, and he could very well see it, goddamnit.
Hell, I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He was probably here to feed me even more lies to cover up the truth I already knew. I had no idea how he planned on doing that when his secrets had already been brought to light, but whichever way he wanted to twist it, I didn’t give a fuck. I was not interested in listening to his bs and he needed to leave me alone.
“I can’t,” he said on a harsh exhale. He looked away, giving me his side profile anmd I watched his adams apple bob on a hard swallow. “Look, I-I-I’ve tried but I can’t. I can’t live–I can’t fucking function knowing that you think none of it was real. I just need you to hear me out. Please.”
I ignored what he’d said about none of it being real and instead, focused on his appearance.
He looked like he was suffering. He did look leaner, yes, but apart from that, he had thick stubble on his face giving him a somewhat gaunt appearance and his eyes were sad. The green of his eyes were almost overshadowed by red. Was he even getting any sleep?
That’s not your business anymore, Laura, is it?
He turned back to me then and caught me staring at him. Now, it was my turn to look away.
While I really didn’t want to listen to what he had to say, he seemed hell bent on it. And with the desperation he was showing, chances are, he was definitely going to keep coming back until I I did. So what was the point asking him to leave? Why not just get it over and done with now so that he could finally stay away from me?
After careful consideration, I turned back to him to find him staring at me with such intense pain and longing, I had couldn’t meet his eyes. “If I listen to you, will you leave me alone?”
His jaw flexed. “If that’s what it’ll take.”
My eyes narrowed. I had a feeling he was lying.
Turning the key, I pushed the door open. “You’ve got five minutes.” Then I walked in, pretending like I didn’t catch the way his shoulders seemed to almost crumple to the floor with relief.
Best not celebrate yet. This was not going to go how he thought he would.
I dropped everything I was carrying on the kitchen island, then turned to him, leaning on it with my hands crossed. “Your time has started counting.”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair again. It would be a shame for a man as handsome as him to go bald at such a young age simply because he couldn’t keep his hand out of his hair, but then again, maybe that was a good thing. He would not be able to play girls anymore.
Except he was rich, so he still would be able to.
That thought soured my mood so bad, I lashed out. “Did you trick me to let you in just so you’d stare at me?” I snapped.
“Can I sit?” He gestured to the couch.
I shrugged like it was no big deal. As if seeing him in my place, sitting on the couch I usually curled on to watch TV didn’t do something to me.
“First off, I want to apologize for showing up like this,” he started. “I’d have called or texted but you haven’t been responding to any of them.”
That was because I’d blocked him. It was part of the healing process.
When I didn’t respond to him, he sighed and continued. “Claire and I aren’t really engaged.”
I snorted. ” Sure.”
At a load of crap. Since when had he gotten so preductable anyway? I’d expected him to lie to me and here he was, actually doing it. At the end of the day, all men really were the same, weren’t they?
“No, listen,” he said quickly. “Claire and I dated in uni, but we broke up when I caught her cheating on me. My mother, however, was fond of her for some reason.” He swallowed, looking like whatever he was about to say was difficult for him. “My father passed in a car accident when I newly got in and I guess somehow, I’ve always held myself accountable for his death.”
My heart broke for him and I had to wrap my hands around myself to fight the urge to go to him and comfort him. I had to remember rule number two, even if it made me feel like an asshole.
“I was everything my mother had and I tried to please her always, even though it was at my own expense. I would gladly sacrifice my happiness for her’s. As long as she was happy, I was okay.” He shook his head, bracing his elbows on his knees. “When she first suggested Claire and I take things to the next level, I evaded the topic, but she just kept bringing it up until I decided to do it for her. I never once thought that I would meet someone who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.” Looking up at me then, he held my eyes. “But I did, and I regret ever doing what I did.”
If what he was saying was true, then it didn’t make any sense.
“Why didn’t you just tell her you broke up?”
“It never seemed important. My mother is nice to everyone so I thought she was simply extending that niceness to Claire during dinners,” he explained and I hated how I felt knowing that they’d been so serious, Claire had made it to family dinners. “It wasn’t until later I realized just how close they’d gotten and Claire lied to my mother that we’d been dating the entire time. I didn’t have it in me to break her heart.”
A frown settled on my face. “So you’d gone along with it?”
He nodded, looking ashamed.
What the hell?
I shook my head, confused as shit. “You’re telling me simply because you failed to tell your mom you broke up with your girlfriend, you had to get engaged to her to make her–your mom, in this case–happy?”
The expression on his face–his sunken shoulders–told me that he had reached the lowest low in the universe and that there was no going any lower than that. He looked so miserable, I probably shouldn’t be making the situation worse but it didn’t make sense to me.
“When you say it out loud, it does sound crazy but–”
“That’s because it is crazy!” I cried. “How do you propose to a woman you do not love just because you’re trying to make your mother happy?”
“I didn’t propose to her. My mother got the ring.”
My mouth fell open. He wasn’t even the one engaged to the woman. It was his mother. How could he not see this?
I shook my head. “Look, this conversation is stressing me out. I’ve heard you. You should leave now.”
He shot up from the couch. “This changes nothing?”
“This changes nothing,” I repeated.
Whether or not he’d done it because of his mother, it didn’t change the fcat that he’d done it. He’d known that he was engaged when he pursued me, instead of leavinmg me the hell alone. He’d withheld the truth from me and had she not shown up that day, I never would have found out.
He was still a liar.
And his mother was obviously the director of his life anyway. She wanted Claire and Claire he would give her. He obviously had no say. What did he hope to achieve by coming here and telling me all this?
Alex crossed the distance to me. “Laura, please.” His voice broke. “Now, you understsand whjy I got engaged to her. It’s all just on paper. None of it was real.”
“is,” I corrected him. “Present tense. You’re still engaged to her.” He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. “Secondly, this changes nothing because you were egnaged and you didn’t tell me. I don’t give a rats ass if it was fake or not. What matters is you have a fiancee, but you knew telling me that wasn’t going to get you anywhere with me so you kept it to yourself,” I snapped. “Witholding information also counts as lying.”
“I swear to you that it didn’t occur once to me that I was lying to you,” he rasped. “I was so caught up in what we had, I completely forgot about her. She didn’t reach out to me so it was easy to. It wasn’t until she showed up that I realized I’d fucked up.”
I rolled my eyes. “You expect me to believe that our time together was so magical, it had you forgetting all about your reality.”
It was not a question, but he answered anyway, eyes burning. “Yes.”
I looked away from him. Being indifferent to him was so hard when I was looking into his eyes.
“Why should this change anything?” I asked him, genuinely curious.
He was silent for a bit, before saying, “I’m calling off the engagement.”
My heart slammed against my ribcage. Calm down, girl.
“Why?”
“Because I am in love with you.”
I looked away again. My hands shook where they rested on my body. I had to clear my throat before speaking. “What about your mother?”
“I’ve told her. I can’t do this anymore.” He paused, ecxhaling harshly. “Being away from you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cant live like this. It’s killing me.”
Shaking my head, I slid along the island, moving away from him. “I cant–I can’t do this again.”
“Laura baby, I know I hurt you and hyou don’t know how fucking sorry I am that I did. Words will never be able to express how sorry I am, but if yiy give me another chance, I swear on my life–”
He didn’t know how much it hurt to hear those words. I wanted it too. God knew how badly I wanted to run into those arms that I’d always felt safe in. But I couldn’t. After what he’d done to me, I didn’t trust him with my heart anymore.
If I was foolish enough to give him another chance, he was going to completely ruin me.
I needed to look out for myself. After all, I was the only one who really knew how to.
Forcing strength I didn’t even know I had into my voice, I said, “I need you to leave, Alex.”
“Please,” he begged again.
I gave him my back. “Just go. Please.”
There was a long stretch of silence. I didn’t turn back around until I heard the door quietly snick shut.
Then I slid to the floor and let the tears fall.