I gave her a stern look. “That’s Miss Winifred to you, and I don’t know. But it does mean you won’t have time to do much homework tomorrow, so I recommend you get a start on it this morning before you go. That goes for you too, Will.” My older son stumbled to his customary seat at the table. I wondered if he’d even opened his eyes at all walking down the stairs.
“Mom, can I have some coffee?”
“If you want to go make it yourself.”
To my amazement he actually stood up and made his way over to the Keurig, grabbing a mug and a K-cup of Colombian dark roast.
His brother sat up straight. “Can I have a hot chocolate when he’s done?”
“Sure, Charlie. Will, help your brother.”
“I know how, mom.”
Paige and I just opted for OJ, and in a few minutes I had my crew gathered around the table. We passed around the food, and I noted how much my daughter took, relieved to see it was a healthy amount. I still felt bad about what I’d said at the dinner. From the age of fourteen my mother had micromanaged everything I ate. I remembered holding Paige in my arms, minutes after she was born, and swearing to myself I’d be different. I hadn’t always succeeded.
“Okay, Will, Charlie, I’m going to be gone tonight.”
Will frowned at me, his voice incredulous. “Where are you going?”
“Just out to dinner with a friend, and then we’re going to go listen to some music.”
“Is it a date?” Charlie was looking at me wide eyed.
“Eww, dude!” Will scoffed. “Mom doesn’t date.”
I smirked at Will. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”
“Seriously, you don’t. It’d be weird.”
I took a breath. “Well you needn’t worry, it’s just a lady friend.” I looked at him with a fake stern look “No wild parties. I won’t be that late.”
Will shook his head and forked another bite of eggs. I definitely didn’t have to worry about him not eating enough.
When we finished I set the boys to clean up and load the dishwasher while Paige and I cleared the table.
“Mom?” Paige looked serious.
“Yeah, Honey? What is it?”
“You know, it’d be okay if you wanted to date.” I could see she was blushing, and she nodded towards the kitchen, where her brothers were making noise. “The cretins would get over it. Really.”
I grinned at my daughter and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Honey. I appreciate that.” I kissed her on the head. “It goes both ways, y’know. You haven’t been on a date in awhile.”
Paige shrugged her shoulders and crinkled her nose, her head shaking. “That one didn’t go well. Besides, with hockey and school,” she shook her head. “But who knows? Maybe the man of my dreams will show up in AP Bio Monday.”
“As long as he’s not the teacher.”
Paige just laughed at me and headed back upstairs, and I followed her to collect and start the laundry.
*****
I was putting said laundry away four hours later, standing in my closet, looking around at my wardrobe.
“Hey, Mom, just getting ready to go.” I turned around to see my daughter standing in the doorway. She was wearing a pair of jean short shorts and a halter with her bikini top tied underneath. Her father would likely have a heart attack seeing his little girl dressed so revealingly, but she’d never given us any reason to doubt her choices, and this was supposed to be a girls-only party.
I remember sitting down with her after she’d gotten her period, telling her to come to me if she ever decided to have sex, so that I could make sure she was protected, and we’d had another longer, more two-way discussion about everything when a friend of hers found herself pregnant at just fifteen. Bill had had similar discussions with Will, and they were coming with Charlie as well. It was the most terrifying thing about being the parents of teens, knowing they were old enough to start making their own choices. That, and remembering how incredibly stupid and naively sure of yourself you’d been at that age.
“Do you have a towel? Sunscreen?”
“And a change of clothes. I’m good. See you tonight.”
I tried not to let her see me take a deep breath. “Okay, drive safe. I love you.”
“Love you, too, Mom.” She ducked out into the hall, shouting back as she headed down the stairs. “And have fun tonight!”
I laughed and shook my head. I wondered for a moment what her feelings would be if she knew I was going to dinner with her field hockey coach, before turning my attention back to the immediate problem at hand. What was I going to wear?
I didn’t want it to look like I thought this was some kind of date, but I wanted something nicer than jeans. Not that I had any jeans that fit well anyway. Or any clothes for that matter. I could feel my shame and anger at myself starting to rise in my chest. I tried to force it away, with only moderate success. I heard my phone chime from my bed stand, and I walked in and grabbed it.
Sandra Dalton – Looking forward to tonight. Pick you up at six?
I stared at it for a second.
Me – Sounds perfect. Can’t wait.
I sat down heavily on my bed, staring back towards my closet and its collection of too small items. But maybe… I stood up and went back and pulled out a blue, pleated dress I’d bought for a wedding last spring. It was long and flowing with a keyhole bodice and a tie off waist. I put it on and turned in the mirror. I liked it. I’d liked it when I’d bought it. It gave me back some semblance of my old hourglass figure, and it made me feel pretty, if just for a moment.
At ten ’til six I was sitting in front of my vanity, looking at myself in the mirror. No matter how many times I’d told myself this wasn’t a date my brain kept telling me I really wanted to look good tonight. I wanted to see that look in her eyes, the one that made it hard for me to breathe. I guess that was the real truth. Sandy was the first person to notice me in so long, even if she only saw me as a friend.
I took another long look at myself. It was the most care I’d taken with my makeup in a long time. The eye shadow made my dark eyes pop, just a little blush and foundation gave definition to my naturally round face. I’d been called pretty, even beautiful, when I was younger. And thinner, of course. Just maybe I was catching the faintest hint of what used to be.
I closed my makeup case and stood, heading down stairs and grabbing my purse. Charlie was in his room on his computer, par for the course, but Will was watching college football in the living room. I called to him and he looked back over the sectional.
“Geez, Mom, you look nice.”
“Thank you, Sweetheart. There’s a frozen pizza in the freezer, make it, share with you brother. I won’t be real late, I promise.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I took a deep breath and walked out the front door. The September evening light had just begun to soften, and the shadows from the trees were starting to lengthen along the street. My heart was tripping along at about twice its normal rate, and my breath caught in my chest as I saw the burnt orange Jeep Wrangler coming down the street. It pulled into the driveway, and I couldn’t help the silly, excited smile that stole across my face as the driver’s side door opened.
Sandy’s eyes visibly widened as she took me in, and I looked down and to the side, tucking a strand of my dark hair behind my ear and twisting so my dress swirled around my legs.
“Wow, Melanie, you… you look amazing.” Her eyes traveled slowly over my body, and heat flooded me. It had been a very long time, but I recognized that look. And I remembered the distantly familiar warmth that filled me as she did. Oh, my holy god, this was a date.
“You don’t clean up so bad yourself.” Wow, that was an understatement. She was wearing a smooth, silky, long-sleeved purple blouse and fitted charcoal slacks with two-inch sandals. Her light brown curls fell in a loose pleat past her shoulders down as low as her mid back. I’d never seen it in anything but that ponytail. It really softened the sharp, long features of her face, and her lime green eyes just held mine like they always did.
She blushed at the compliment. “Thanks. You ready?”
I nodded. “Mm-hm.”
“Good.” Her smile was wide and genuine as she opened my door, holding up her left hand to help me inside. My palm slid into hers, and I gasped as the warmth of her touch traveled up my arm. My eyes locked on hers as I stepped up into the passenger seat of her Jeep. I cleared my dress and sat as she closed the door, her smile never slipping for a moment.
I pulled my seatbelt on, thankful for a distraction that let me look for a moment at something other than her. Sandra jogged around to the other side of her jeep and climbed into the driver’s seat. “I don’t think I ever asked if you’d been there before?”
I shook my head. “No, you?”
“Couple times. It’s really good. I can’t wait to show you.”
“Thanks. It’s just nice to be out with a friend.”
She turned to me and smiled, which made my heart flutter inside my chest. “Yeah. So did you tell Paige who you were going to dinner with?”
“No, absolutely not. She’d lose her mind.”
“Really? She seems more level headed than that.”
I grimaced. “Yeah, for an eighteen year old girl she is, really. But how would you have felt if your parents had started hanging out with your high school hockey coach?”
“You’re right, I would have been so embarrassed.”
“Exactly. Don’t get me wrong, the power to embarrass your children is a powerful weapon in the parenting arsenal, but she hasn’t done anything to deserve it. This time.”
Sandy chuckled. “You embarrass your children?”
I held up a finger. “I threaten to embarrass them. Like Will, for example. Threatening him with grounding, it may or may not work. Threaten to show up and have lunch with him at school for a week, he’ll fold like a towel.” I shrugged. “I mean, as a mother of teens I embarrass my children by my mere existence. Might as well take advantage of it.”
She laughed, but there was a hint of pain in her eyes.
I cocked my head at her. “You okay?”
She wiped her eyes. “Yeah. I’d have loved to have kids. My sister has four. They’re amazing.”