MAEVE HAWTHORN.
But how do I do that? How do I love him and then confront him with that love? Love like this is always the hardest to deal with, Enzo isn’t a man that can be loved.
I knew this but I still went ahead to stupidly fall head over heels in love with him when I knew just how dangerous it could be.
I knew how hurtful getting into something like this would be for me, I knew how shattered my heart would be but I’d gone ahead and made up my mind to love him despite it all.
I can’t. I genuinely can’t do this anymore. I can’t let myself get drawn into this like a quick sand only to get hurt all over again.
My experience with Theo should’ve been enough to teach me the lesson that I so desperately lack, it should have been enough to let me know that shutting my heart out and completely closing it off would’ve been the best decision I could’ve ever made.
“MAEVE FUCKING HAWTHORN!” Scarlett’s loud voice jolted me out of my thoughts so suddenly, a thought I had absolutely no idea I was lost in.
Her brows drew together and she looked so worried that I hated myself for making her so worried about me.
“What were you thinking about?” She enquired, her eyes telling me that she wasn’t going to take ‘nothing’ for an answer, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a ghost.” She added and I sighed.
Looking away from her, I looked right past her shoulders and saw the men that Enzo had caused me to be stuck with and I sighed again.
He’s a breathing, walking, talking, living red flag and still yet, I’m letting myself get so attached to him for what? Because he fucks me so good that I forget all about my worries?
Because he’s so dangerous that breathing the same air as him gets me so anxious and at the same time so fucking aroused that my body barely listens to me whenever he’s around.
“I don’t know what to do,” I finally spoke up as I returned my gaze to Scarlett, “he’s a murderer, he’s ruthless and almost the entire country is usually so scared of saying his name.” I finished.
“So?” Scarlett retorted as if all the things that I’ve mentioned are not enough reason for me to run as far away from him as my legs could carry me.
“Just because he’s all of that doesn’t mean that he really is the bad guy.” She said and my eyes widened because if all the things I’d said didn’t make Enzo a bad guy then I’m afraid nothing could ever make him one.
“He confessed to you, he told you he loved you once and I know men like Enzo, they get pussy as easily as they can say their own name but you haven’t seen a single sign of infidelity-” she paused to look at me.
“That doesn’t mean that he’s not cheating on me…..” my voice trailed off and Scarlett chuckled, “not like we’re an item, he can fuck whoever he wants.” I added as nonchalantly as I could but it was clear that I cared.
“You don’t mean that but anyways, I say you go back home and tell him how you feel then leave him to deal with it.” She added before gulping down the last of her coffee.
Thinking about what my best friend said, my mind drifted off to Theo again and the sight of him fucking that girl so passionately that he probably forgot I existed filled my brain again.
I can’t go through something like that again, I know Enzo and I don’t really have a relationship where I should care about the women he fucks but it’s going to break me to walk into a room and see him fucking someone else.
“Maybe it’s better we just ignore each other.” I blurted out before I could think and the sound of Scarlett coughing, choking on her coffee caused me to spring out of my seat.
“Really?!” She said when she finally calmed down, “and what? Remain his slut? His personal cumrag, you’ll let him fuck and use you however he wants and when he’s done, he can just dispose of you?” She added.
I thought about that too and it stung, I really don’t want that to happen to me but my best friend doesn’t seem to care as she went on saying those things.
She knew her words were hitting me in the most sensitive spots but she didn’t stop talking. It’s one of the things about Scarlett, she says things how it is without caring about how I feel.
She might eventually console me but in the moment she’s going to make sure that she lets me know that what I’m doing, the decision I’m about to make makes absolutely no sense.
“That doesn’t make you any different from a hooker!” She finished and I felt something in my heart shatter so much that I couldn’t put the pieces together.
My chest hurt so bad that breathing has never felt so difficult, it was as though I could feel the four walls of the coffeehouse closing in on me and my stomach churned.
I don’t want that to happen. I don’t just want to be a whore that he can dispose of anytime. I don’t want to be in the same sentence as a hooker.
“C’mon, Maeve, I raised you better than to let a man dictate what you’re worth to you.” She finished and silence prevailed in the coffeehouse.
“But-” I started, my voice failing me as it trailed off into oblivion, “but after what Theo did to me, I really do not want to get too attached.” I finally confessed, earning a smile from my best friend.
“Forget about that jerk forever,” she urged me, “I always knew he wasn’t worth it and I always told you but you never listened to me, I’m glad you saw for yourself before giving your special virginity to him.” She finished.
My cheeks felt hot and I clutched the hem of my clothes as I tried not to think about how I’d planned to give my virginity off to my jerk ex-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.
Scarlett changed the subject and we both ended up walking around the mall, hand in hand, shopping for things that we need and don’t need.
I didn’t think a day was ever going to come where I would enjoy an entire day out with my bestie but now that the day has come, I was grateful for having her in my life.
The rest of the day passed by quicker than I expected it would and soon, my best friend and I were at the car saying goodbyes to each other.
“I have to clock in for my shift but I promise we’re going to do this again,” she smiled, moving a loose strand of hair that had fallen over my face to the back of my ear.
“Do what I ask you to and don’t forget the fact that I love you so much! You’re my life.” She finished as she pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek.
“I love you too.” I smiled, waved her goodbye and got into the car. The drive back home was as silent as it had been when I was coming to the mall.
The men were as rigid as a rock and neither of them spoke a word to me. I let out a sigh of relief when we finally pulled into the parking lot.
It had gotten a bit dark and almost all the lights were out except for the lights in the natatorium and as if my legs had a mind of their own, as if there was a magnet in there pulling me towards it, I began making my way there.
My heart pounded rapidly, my blood rushing through my veins and my legs wobbly as I walked. I knew what to expect, I knew what I was going to see but still, I couldn’t stop walking.
Getting to the entrance, my breath caught in my throat as a very slutty image filled my mind, plunging me into a really deep pit of perverted imaginations.
The way Enzo’s muscles moved with each stroke he did in the water made my pussy walls clench as my pussy throbbed and spurted out juice.
I shouldn’t be here. I really shouldn’t be here.
I kept saying those words to myself but as though impaled to the ground, I couldn’t take a step out of the natatorium and instead, I felt myself getting more and more aroused as I watched him.
His hair was matted down flat against his scalp and despite the wetness, I still want to feel his hair against my palm. He looked very attractive, more attractive than the last time I saw him and I had no idea when I let out a moan.
Hurriedly, I found a spot to hide and stayed there until he was back to being completely focused on swimming although a part of me told me that he saw me.
The thought of it only got me more excited as I slid down the walk until I was sitting. My eyes did a quick scan of the room and the only people in there were me and Enzo.
Spreading my legs open a little, I drew in a sharp breath as I began idly caressing my pussy. The sound of water splashing, the fact that he was there and could catch me masturbating to the sight of him swimming got me all the more excited and stimulated.
I wanted to see him straightened up in shock, or interest as he stared at me while I masturbated right there in front of him.
Sliding my panties to the side, I held my pussy lips open with my left hand and worked my clit with my right and holy fuck it felt so good that I was soon lost in the sensations of pleasuring myself.
Slowly stroking my clit up and down, I dragged the juices from my pussy up and around my clit and then teased myself in little circles around the hood of my clit.
Taking some of my juices and rubbing them on the tips of my nipples, they soon became slippery and wet and soon, I took my left breast in my hand and raised it towards my mouth so that I could suck on my own nipple.
I wanted to see him hard as rock watching me do that, the thought of it was so tantalizing that I had no idea when I moaned again.
My head fell back as I pinched my nipples and went back to lightly grazing my nails over my pussy lips before going knuckles deep in my cunt and back up to my clit again to rub it even faster.
“Fuckkkk.” I whimpered as I licked my juice off my fingers before returning it inside me. My stomach curled, legs shook as I kept sliding my fingers in and out of my shaved cunt and licking them every once in a while.
Waves of orgasm started building up, ready to crash down on me like a fucking wrecking ball but no matter how deep I drove my finger in, I couldn’t bring myself to orgasm.
Juices upon juices seeped out of my cunt and just when I thought I was finally going to feel that moment of bliss, it only kept building up, I was unable to finish and I knew why.
Only Enzo can help me finish. Only him can make me cum. I fucking need him.