Ava
Kira’s birthday arrived sooner than expected, and, for the first time since I arrived at the Volkov mansion, something other than guards filled the halls.
Kira wasn’t the only child running around these halls.
As promised, Tyler asked Emma’s parents if she could come. It takes a fair amount of convincing on my part, but they eventually agree – but with one condition. They insist on having one of their own personal bodyguards present at the party.
I try to reassure them that it isn’t necessary, that the estate was secure and safe but their insistence makes it difficult for me to refuse, Their minds are already made up, and when I tell Nikolai about the arrangement, he isn’t exactly thrilled about the possibility of having someone not on his security team scout his estate for potential threats. Eventually, I get him to change his mind and he allows them to bring one bodyguard. No more.
With how insistent Emma’s parents are about not leaving her alone, you’d think they would’ve at least bargained for two, but surprisingly, they have no problem agreeing to Nikolai’s terms. I guess it’s true what they say – not many people can go against my husband and win. I just so happen to be part of the very few who have gone against him and lived to tell the tale.
How you might ask?
Simple.
When I tell him about our guests, he isn’t exactly pleased with the idea of a bunch of seven-year-olds running around the mansion and, as expected, his answer is an immediate no to the idea of a party at his estate.
Kira’s birthdays have always been private. A thing between him, his daughter, his cousin and best friend and now me. This year I was supposed to join the celebration for the first time, but I knew that Kira deserved more.
She deserved to laugh and play with kids her own age, even if it was just for a day. She deserved to feel like a normal little girl.
So what did I do? I pushed.
When Nikolai said no, I asked again. When he tried to avoid the conversation, I followed him into his office and stood my ground.
I became the definition of a literal parasite during the last week. Following him around, trying to persuade him into agreeing until eventually, I wore him out.
In the end, I made sure that Kira won.
Or rather, that I won for her.
And because I’d been so persistent, the garden was now covered in bright balloons and ribbons in shades of soft pink and lavender. Kira’s new favorite colours as of last week. The scent of freshly baked cake mingles with the sound of laughter coming from the three children dancing around on the grass.
Tyler stands not too far from the site, a smile plastered on her face as she babbles off to a beaming Kat about God knows what. A thought occurs to me, and I realize that this is the first time I’ve seen Kat interact with anyone outside the Volkov family. I’ve never thought of Kat as shy, but the way she twiddles her thumbs and forces herself to keep eye contact proves otherwise.
“Kat and your new friend seem to be hitting it off,” a voice beside me says and I nearly jump right out of my skin.
My head whips to the side, and I blink in surprise when I see Ivan standing there, hands shoved casually into his pockets. His eyes are fixed on his wife, but I can tell from the twitch of his lips that he’s noticed my startled reaction.
“Uh, um, yeah, I guess,” I nod slowly.
I’m mixing my words, but I guess that’s to be expected. The man never talks to me. Like ever. He’s loyal to Nikolai in every sense of the word, and I’ve never been sure where I stand with him. I think the closest thing we’ve had to a conversation was the begrudging apology he’d thrown my way after I walked in on him and Kat going at it in the kitchen shortly after I arrived.
And even then, he’d only done so after Kat shot him a nasty look right after I tripped over my feet and damn well nearly poured bleach in my eyes just to unsee what I’d walked in on.
And yet here he was now, standing next to me like we were old friends. It was… weird.
“I can’t believe you convinced the boss to throw this…party.”
Neither can I.
“She looks so happy” I say referring to Kira who’s currently laughing at some joke I’m assuming Oliver is telling because he stands in front of the girls who are splayed out on the grass waving his arms animatedly in a way that lets me know whatever it is he’s telling them has to be big. Or at least funny enough for two seven-year-old girls to laugh their tiny butts off.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile this big before. She looks so much like her mother like this.” His voice seems distant, laced with a kind of fondness I’m not sure I recognize.
I pretend that the mention of Kira’s biological mother doesn’t spark a hint of curiosity inside me. I’m aware that she once existed, but anything beyond that seemed to be right up there with any talks of Nikolai’s brother. They were married and yet there were no pictures of the pair lingering on the walls, which told me that either everything relating to them had been lost in the fire or hidden away.
“She must have been really special,” I say softly.
“She was.”
There’s a beat of silence that stretches between us and I can sense Ivan weighing his next words.
“Nadia had a smile that could light up any room,” he added. He spoke about her with the kind of fondness one did of a distant friend and it made me wonder just how close he was with Nikolai’s brother, too.
“You’re good for him, you know,” Ivan says quietly, dragging me from my thoughts
I turned to him, eyebrows raised. “What?”
“You’re the first person he’s let get this close to Kira… and to him.”
I wouldn’t say we were close. Nikolai and I. But I wouldn’t say we weren’t. I mean, would he have taken care of me if I’d fallen sick my first week here? Probably not. The man couldn’t stand me back then. A small smile touches my lips as the memory of my first night resurfaces in my mind. Back then, he hadn’t even told me about Kira until we arrived at his place and even then I could tell that he was extremely protective of her.
He shrugs, eyes now fixed on Kira. “For Nikolai. He’s been stuck in the past for too long and hasn’t even realized it… but you? You make him want to live again. Want to try again. And for that I’m grateful.”
I want to tell him that he doesn’t need to be grateful – that I hadn’t done anything worthy of his thanks. I was my father’s daughter. A liar. A keeper of secrets. A walking facade wrapped in pretty vows. The kind of woman who hid the truth behind a perfect smile simply because she was too afraid of what would happen if she told the truth.
I stare at Ivan for a moment, unable to keep his words from echoing in my head. You make him want to live again.
Me.
It felt like a joke – a cruel one at that. If only he knew. If only any of them knew. I wasn’t some saving grace who pulled Nikolai from the wreckage of his past. I wasn’t the light at the end of his tunnel. I was the storm waiting to drown him. The betrayal lurking in the shadows.
“I’m not…” I start to say, but bite my tongue. I’m not who he thinks I am. I’m not some kind of angel who’s appearance suddenly makes everything okay. I’m not the main lead in a romance novel whose love for the male lead transcends through time and space and saves him at the end of the day. This was real life. And in real life, I had woven a web of lies whose strings were getting tighter by the day.
Ivan’s gaze flicked to me, curiosity darkening his eyes. “You’re not what?”
I forced a smile, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m not as good as you think I am.” I say this because it’s true.
The corner of his lips tilt up and for the first time since he decided to stand beside me, he locks his gaze with mine. His eyes are the kind of blue that can make anyone want to dive into them and his hair is the kind of golden that out rivals the sun.
For a second, I try to imagine a younger version of him.
Kat said that she and Ivan first met when she was only seventeen years old and he was twenty-seven, which meant that there was a ten-year age gap between the two of them. Kat had once joked about how she was too young to catch his eye back then, but I wasn’t sure I believed her. The way Ivan looked at Kat now – like she was the sun, the moon, and every star in the freaking galaxy – told me that even if it took a while for him to admit it, he had probably been a goner the moment he first laid eyes on her.
He smiled softly. “I think you’re better than you give yourself credit for.”
The words felt wildly undeserving.
I did not deserve credit. Not a single one.
I return my gaze back to Kira on the grass. She throws her head back in laughter, and Emma leans over, whispering in her ear. The two girls have been inseparable since the beginning of the party and not even the fact that Nikolai was just inches away from the three of them could change that.
A tiny smile bends my lips and when Nikolai lifts his chin and his gaze locks with mine, his lips mimic mine, except his smile is wider.
Does my heart always race like this any time he’s near, or is this something new?
I swallow hard, breaking eye contact before I give myself away and fold my arms around myself. I suddenly regret wearing such a thin dress. The afternoon breeze nips at my skin, but I know it’s not the cold that makes me shiver.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say to Ivan, and I don’t need to look at him to know that he’s listening.
“Da.” (Yes)
“You’re Nikolai’s best friend, right?”
He nods, “I suppose you can say that. He’s the longest person I’ve worked with.”
“So yes?”
He huffs out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. Yes.”
I nod slowly, chewing the inside of my cheek. My gaze drops to the grass, where Kira and her friends are till running around, but my focus is somewhere else entirely.
“If Nikolai were to find out I was keeping something from him… hypothetically speaking, of course,” I pause, sneaking a glance at Ivan’s face. “How mad do you think he’d be?”
A beat passes between us, and I swear I see a vein tick underneath Ivan’s neck.
“That depends,” he says slowly. “How big is the secret?”
I force out a nervous laugh, waving my hand dismissively. “It’s just a hypothetical.”
He doesn’t laugh.
Slipping his hands back into his pocket, he watches me closely, eyes never straying as if trying to size me up.
My feet shuffle against the grass, my pulse beating loudly.
Sighing, he blinks and leans back slightly, and I finally remember how to breathe again.
“I have known Nikolai for many years and I can tell you that even I can’t fully predict him. He is what you Americans call an enigma. Sometimes lies do not bother him. Other times, they shatter him, especially if said lies are from someone he trusts.”
Ivan’s words settle heavily between us, like the lingering chill in the air. I swallow the sudden lump forming in my throat, my gaze flicking back to Nikolai. He stands tall, hands in his pockets, head tilted slightly as he watches the children. From this distance, he looks calm – almost peaceful and nothing like the dangerous mafia boss the world expects him to be.
“I see,” I murmur.
Ivan’s lips twitch, not quite a smile, but something close. “Now, can I ask you something?”
I let out a laugh, “Is that what we’re doing? A question for a question?”
He shrugs, “I do not see why not. In my country, no one freely trades information, regardless of how vague it is.
I shake my head. What did I expect from Nikolai’s second in command, a man almost as ruthless as he was?
“Fine. What is it you want to know”
“This secret you speak of, is it something that could break him?” Ivan’s voice was calm but there was an edge to it, “What I mean to say is, can this secret hurt him?”
“I’m not keeping…” I start to say, but the look he gives me tells me that there’s no need for me to try to lie. Releasing a sigh, I tighten my hold around my shoulders and shake my head, “No. At least I don’t think so.”
Ivan nods slowly, as if reading the answer between the lines I couldn’t bring myself to speak.
“My advice, tell him. You might not be aware of it but Nikolai trusts you very much and he usually doesn’t trust easily. He’s been betrayed so often that he’s lost count, therefore he cherishes trust more than anything. A betrayal from you would destroy him. That much I’m sure of.”
His words struck something deep inside my chest, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. Nikolai trusted me? I peer over at the man whose eyes have held me captive since the moment we met. How could he trust me? I’ve given him no reason to and yet…
I bite the inside of my cheek, willing my mind to come back to earth.
Nikolai and I were only just starting to get along and yes, my feelings for him had grown over the last couple of months (I’m not denying that much), but had he?
Had his feelings for me grown to the point that he was ready to forget the fact that I was his enemy’s daughter and had mine grown beyond the point that I was willing to forget that he intended to kill my father?
A burst of laughter pulled my attention back to the garden. Kira was running toward Nikolai now, her face flushed with excitement as she threw herself into his arms. He caught her with ease, lifting her off the ground as she squealed.
He looked… happy. The kind of happy that made my chest ache.
And I wondered.
Would that smile remain once I reminded him of the reason for our arrangement in the first place?