I mindlessly trailed my finger along a sliver of Jane’s bare leg sticking out of the blanket as I laid down with my head resting in her lap. Her free hand was nestled in the messy strands of my hair as she continued to rest her book next to the fireplace, taking no mind to my wandering hands.
It was one of the rare moments in the week when neither of us had any work to do, and Liam was still out of the house, spending the day with the professor I had found for him to study under at Princeton.
I skimmed my hand up along her calf and under the blanket, squeezing the mark on the inside of her thigh and earning a light hum from her in question.
She pulled her fingers out my hair and gently brushed my hair out of my face, quietly asking me, “Is something wrong?”
I shooked my head as I continued to run my hand back down her thigh, stopping at her knee right before it left the warmth of the fluffy blanket. “I was just thinking.”
She continued to stroke my head soothingly and asked, “About what?”
I mindlessly rubbed my thumb in circles on her kneecap, unsure about telling her about my wandering thoughts before eventually confessing, “What do you think about having a winter wedding?”
Her hand paused mid-motion. Lowering her book, she asked, “As in a year from now?”
“… More like a month from now. Maybe some time in February?”
“Oh…”
“It’s okay if you think it’s to early… We can wait until next year too.”
“No… It’s fine. I don’t mind getting married earlier. I just thought you might be busy with work for the next few months.”
I pursed my lips at the thought. She wasn’t wrong, but still…
She gently started to stroke my head again, “I just don’t want you to overwork yourself again between work and trying to get a wedding ready on time.”
It was a reasonable worry, but I was busy year-round without any down time. There would never be a break.
I grumbled, “I would never be able to get married at that rate then…”
She chuckled softly and offered, “How we do a smaller ceremony instead? Just family and close friends. Something simple and push date the into the later half of February to give us a bit more than just a month of time to plan.”
I turned over onto my back and looked up at her worriedly, “But I want to make your dream wedding for you. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime type of thing that you will remember forever.”
She gently brushed her thumb over my cheek and assured me, “I will get to spend the rest of my life with you afterwards. That’s already more than enough for me. Besides… I never thought that I would ever get married before you came along. The idea of becoming that close to a man was too frightening to even consider.”
I nuzzled my face into her stomach and wrapped my arms around her hips in content. “It’s probably selfish of me to say this but I’m glad that I am the only man you can find comfort in.”
She giggled softly as she tangled her fingers back into the waves of my hair. “Achilles, I’m sure I would’ve still chosen to be with you.”
My eyes closed with a soft hum as I melted under her soothing touch. I mumbled mindlessly, “Everyone is always trying to steal your attention away from me because you’re too pretty and kind.”
“…”
I cracked an eye open when she didn’t respond and her strokes started to slow down. She was biting the inside of her cheek with an indecipherable expression. Cupping her hand in my own, I asked, “Is something wrong?”
She shook her head silently and gave my hand a small squeeze in reassurance.
I furrowed my eyebrows, not quite believing her assurance. “Please tell me, my love. I don’t want you to fester in your thoughts by yourself.”
She eventually released her lip from the confinement between her teeth and sighed, “I was just thinking that I should be the one who is more worried. There are many girls better than me constantly vying for your attention as well. What if you find someone smarter, prettier and nicer than me? Someone who dedicated their entire life to you but never expected anything to happen either…”
I frowned, not quite understanding where this was coming from. “Is there something I don’t know about, Jane? It seems as if you already have some particular girl in mind…”
She reflexively tensed up and immediately diverted her eyes.
So there really was someone in her mind that she thought I would leave her for. I thought that I had shown her that she was the only one for me, the center of my world, but I must have not done a good enough job if she had these kinds of heartbreaking thoughts whispering in her ear.
Was it something I did? Did I do something to make my girl to doubt herself like this? To make her feel like I would leave her for someone else?
To begin with, I didn’t even spend time around other women besides Jane. All the women in my life could be counted on a single hand.
I racked my brain for any of my interactions with another woman that could’ve been seen as more than just a bit friendly. But for the life of me, I couldn’t think of anything. All I could do was to reassure her that I would never do such a thing.
I interlaced our fingers together and pulled her hand up to my lips, pressing tender kisses on her thin knuckles. I softly begged her, not wanting to lose her already so soon in my life, “Please believe me, my love. I don’t my know what I did wrong, but I really do mean it when I say you’re the only one. I would never cheat on you or betray your trust. It would kill me if I ever hurt you like that, so please don’t leave me.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. She quickly cupped my cheeks in her hand and brushed the tears out of my eyes as she turned my head to look at her. “Please don’t cry, Achi. I know that you’re not that kind of man. I’m not leaving you. You never did anything wrong. It’s just a wicked thought that floats stupidly in my mind that I just want to forget.”
I sniffled lightly as I leaned into her touch. “I can cut whoever it is out of my life if it will make those thoughts go away. All I care about is you. I don’t need anyone else.”
“Achilles… You can’t just cut people out of your life like that…” She gently brushed her thumb over my cheek, easing me out of my hiding spot ever so slightly. “I never wanted to cut you off from the other parts of your life…”
I pressed my lips into a thin line in discontent.
Jane explained quietly, “She’s had feelings for you for all her life. It would hurt her if you suddenly started to avoid her for no reason.”
“But I don’t know anyone like that,” I mumbled.
Jane sighed, “I know… You can be quite oblivious about love at times, Achilles…”
“But I thought you said I did well to make you feel loved…”
“You do, Achilles… You know how to show your affections very well, but… you just have troubling noticing when someone likes you.”
I frowned. Do I really have that problem?
Noticing my skepticism, she chuckled softly and explained at evidence, “Don’t you remember how you didn’t even realize how in love I was with you and worked yourself half to death from the thought that I would never give my heart to you until I proposed to you in the haze of your sickness?”
My cheeks heated up at the reminder. I reflexively hid my face in her stomach and mumbled in embarrassment, “I-In my defense, I was misled by the box containing the picture of an unknown man and the unexplained wedding ring that you wore everywhere.”
She giggled softly and reassured me, “You know that I only love you, right? I wouldn’t consider marrying you if I didn’t.”
I nodded mutely, enjoying her soft strokes through my hair.
Lacing her fingers through my hair once more, Jane noted, “You really like this…”
I closed my eyes, savoring her touch, and hummed quietly in affirmation.
“Before we met, did you ever feel lonely without a partner by your side?”
“No… not really.” I shift slightly in her lap to look up at her. “Why do you ask, love?”
A pink tint popped up on her cheeks. “It’s just that you seem to quite like physical affection. I was just wondering if you ever felt touch starved without a partner for all those years.”
I shook my head. “I actually didn’t like it when other people touch me. It makes my skin crawl. But when you do it, it feels right. Just a single touch can make all the tension in my body melt away.”
Her pink tint turned into a deeper shade of red. “O-Oh…”
I cupped her hand that was on my cheek and leaned further into her palm. “Everything about you just makes me feel at peace for some reason. The first time I saw you, I was mesmerized by your brilliant violet eyes that shone like stars in the sky. The first time I heard your voice, it sounded so sweet that I couldn’t help wanting to find any excuse possible to hear you speak more often. The first time I touched you, you held onto me with softness that I couldn’t help yearning for more. But you didn’t know me at that time yet, so I always made sure to hold myself back to keep myself from overwhelming you. But now that you are comfortable with me and trust me enough to let me hold you like this, I can’t help constantly seeking out more of your touch and only your touch.”
Happiness swelled in my chest when I finally confessed to Jane how I felt all this time, all the pent-up feelings of adoration and love breaking free like a dam.
Completely caught off guard, Jane adorably slapped her hands over my mouth, covering the lower half of my face with streaks of red rising all the way up to the tips of her ears. “Y-you’re not being f-fair, Achilles. You can’t use both your silver tongue and handsome face to attack me like that.”
I chuckled softly and held her shaking hands still as I pressed small kisses on the inside of her palms, eliciting another round of incoherent stutters from my girl. “I’m only telling you the truth, my love. I can’t help it if my words make your heart flutter.”
She pouted as I refused to let go of her hands when she tried to pull away from my kisses. “You must never talk like that to another girl. You will make them fall for you in seconds.”
My eyes twinkled as her possessive side started to poke up.
With a bright smile, I promised, “These kisses and these words will only ever be for you.”