“Mrs. Cordova, I appreciate the effort, but I’m not sure if this would make an appropriate present…”
“Nonsense, sweetheart! I’m sure he would be more than delighted to see you in something like this as a little Christmas present.” She waved my words off as she spun me around to face the mirror in the fitting room.
I nervously tugged at the hem of a very short and very see through light lavender baby doll outfit that just barely reached the edge of my bottom. Intricate lacing lined the edges of the cups and the hems of the outfit, elegantly just barely covering up my private parts but revealing all else.
I tried very hard to change Mrs. Cordova mind, but once her mind was made up, she was set on seeing it through and dragged me all the way to a tiny boutique specializing in unique pieces of lingerie. Luckily, I managed to send Liam away to a nearby coffee shop to wait with his tablet before Mrs. Cordova arrived at the shop.
It was already embarrassing enough that Mrs. Cordova was helping me pick out lingerie to entice her son, but the outfit itself only added to my embarrassment even more.
It was a very beautiful outfit and I was sure that it would’ve looking insanely sexy on anyone else, but I couldn’t help feeling like it was so out of place on me.
I was just an inch shy of the 5 feet mark with stubby legs, much too short to be seen as enticing in such in an outfit. To add on, my frame was much thinner than most all those beautifully tall model. The cups of the smallest babydoll outfit hung loosely over my a-cup breast and only made me feel like a child goofily trying on my mother’s clothes.
I hesitantly glanced up from the mirror at Mrs. Cordova, trying to come up with the words to change her mind about this so called present for Achilles. But, she had such a joyous expression that the words remained stuck in my throat.
I was glad that I didn’t freak out when Mrs. Cordova suddenly yanked open the curtains to see the outfit on me, probably because I saw her as a harmless elderly lady, but would I ever be able to do the same with Achilles? To show this much skin in front of him without falling into a panic attack?
I knew in my mind that he would never do anything to make me uncomfortable, but my body didn’t seem to understand that…
I wanted to be confident and find the courage to do such a thing… wear a beautiful piece of garments and show my fiance that I could be sexy too… but…
Did he even see me in that way? He only ever called me cute or adorable or maybe an occasional beautiful, but it was never anything in the realm of being sexually attractive…
To add on, he hasn’t tried to get close to me again since I nearly hyperventilated from only having his hand rest on my thigh underneath my nightgown…
Only innocent kisses without any wandering hands at all…
I paled at the thought.
It was already hard enough to compete with all those models and celebrities who probably hung around him at all his photoshoots and fancy galas. What if I turned him off so badly that I extinguished what little feelings he had for my feeble body?
As my thoughts started to spiral, a loud screech pulled me out of my thoughts as the curtain of the neighboring fitting room rolled open. Just like in my imaginations, a breathtakingly woman with sleek, pin straight black hair stepped out of the fitting room in a two piece, black, lace lingerie. She strode out so confident in the bra that perfectly cupped her full breasts, just barely covering her areoles, and underwear that also left little of her bubble bottom to the imaginations.
Her eyes widened when she caught sight of me. But unlike my awkward mannerism, she still gave me a little wave and greeted me ever so politely, “Hi, Danary. How have you been doing? I’ve been feeling a tad too embarrassed to visit the Cordova household after my poor behavior at the last dinner but I never expected to run into you here… Hehe, it really quite a coincidence…” Although her words were polite, her weak laughter slowly died down as her eyes trailed down my outfit. Her mouth dropped onto a small circle. “Oh… You must be preparing for Rafael’s birthday, right? He’ll be… very happy…”
I nervously pulled my arms to my side, trying to curl my shoulders in to hide myself from the embarrassment of being caught in such a flimsy of an attempt in finding a pretty piece of a garment for the man she had been in love with since they were children, the same man who was now my fiance.
My words were caught in my throat. Was there even anything I could say to make it better?
I wanted the earth to swallow up me in a whole and bury me deep underground at that moment. Anything would’ve been better than enduring this encounter.
“Oh! Cassy! What are you doing here? I didn’t expect to see you here today.” Mrs. Cordova’s voice cut through the tension like butter as she poked her head in between us. “Are you shopping for a new boyfriend or just yourself?”
Although I knew she was only asking an innocent question, I couldn’t help wincing at her merciless phrasing.
Cassy gave a tight lipped smile and curtly replied, “Just myself.”
“That’s good. It’s always good to treat yourself from time to time.” Mrs. Cordova nodded amicably, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere. “Since you’re here, why don’t you help Danary pick something out? I’m sure you have better taste than an old lady like myself. I’m going to check on Liam in the meantime, so feel free to have some fun together, the two of you!”
She was practically jumping in excitement at the thought of spending some alone time with her soon to be grandson and skipped out of the store without even waiting for a reply.
I awkwardly shuffled in my spot, unsure of what to say to Cassy.
The idea of making her pick out lingerie for me to wear in front of her one-sided childhood love was just too much for me to handle. It gave me such a heavy guilty conscience that it felt like my chest could collapse in on itself at any moment.
However, to my shock, Cassy replied, “I guess I could help you pick something out…”
She glanced at me up and down with a soft hum as she took in my appearance.
I bashfully dropped my hand in front of me to pull the front hem of the babydoll outfit a bit further down, feeling to urge to hide from her piercing gaze.
Unlike myself, she stood comfortably in her undergarments and even crossed her arms, propping up her full breasts. She raked her eyes down my figure and muttered quietly to herself, “Rafael tore off my black two piece set so quickly last time that I was sure he preferred the bolder color and more revealing outfit… But did his taste change recently?”
My finger scrunched up the hem of loose fabric hanging down from my outfit as I glued my eyes to the ground, feeling even more nauseous than before.
How did s-she know what he liked?
He tore off her undergarments before?
Did… Did Achilles have an intimate relationship with her in the past?
I swallowed the rising ball in my throat.
Achilles never talked about her before. All I knew was that she’s known Achilles since they were toddlers.
Had he been seeing her before me? Did they have a relationship in the past that I didn’t know about?
But when she freaked out from the news of our engagement at the family dinner, Achilles seemed indifferent to her reaction. He displayed his affections for me all night, completely oblivious to her feelings as she sat on the sidelines, and barely spoke to her. It was almost as if she was a stranger to him.
Achilles said that he had only ever gotten intimate once and that he didn’t even remember the night from all the alcohol in his system. So maybe she had been his mystery partner that he couldn’t recall?
But why was she telling me this? Surely, she knew that I could hear her. Was she trying to make sure I knew that she had taken my fiance’s first time? That he would always belong to her even if he didn’t know?
She definitely looked much more appealing than me, a body fuller and more alluring than most, a confidence that could put any woman to shame. Was this her way of telling me that I would never been able to satisfy him the way she could? Was she trying to inadvertently tell me to break up with him? To give him back to her?
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to will myself not to break down in middle of a public store.
The soft pads of her feet strode across the boutique, leaving me to my spiraling thoughts for a brief moment before coming back with a few hangers. “I’m not sure if the color will match with your look, but I think he would enjoy something like this.”
I glanced up hesitantly at the lacy garments: a flowery but almost see through black bralette with half cups and a similarly revealing thong. To add on, she also had a lacy black garter belt with suspenders and a pair of thigh high stocking in her other hand.
It was the exact opposite of the style I had on now. It was something that I would have never had the courage to pick out for myself.
Was this like something she had worn for him before?
I pursed my lips at the image of Cassy in such an outfit, standing seductively at the end of the bed in front of Achilles. Her stockings perfectly hugging her thighs. Her breasts nearly spilling out of the tops of her bra as she leaned over him, teasing him as she trailed her fingers along his chest.
What would his expression have been like?
Would his face be flushed red from embarrassment or would his eyes darken from lust as he took in the sight? Would he feel taken aback or confidently pull her down into his embrace?
My mouth dried at the thought.
Cassy was still holding out the outfit in front of me, patiently waiting for me to take it from her.
Unable to form any word in rebuttal, I accepted the outfit in defeat and silently retreated back into my fitting room. My mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts, imagining all the different scenarios between Achilles and Cassy.
How could I compete with someone like her?
I had always wished for men not to find me attractive. I had purposely dressed in plainer clothes and tried to stay silent in the shadows in hopes of avoiding catching their eyes.
But when it came to Achilles, I kept finding myself fretting about my appearance, hoping that I was to his liking. He was the first man I had ever loved. The only one I had ever opened up to besides my late brother.
I was more dependent on him than I would like to admit.
Just the thought of him looking in another woman’s direction made my stomach twist up into a jumble of knots. So when it came to the thought of him getting intimate with a woman as alluring at Cassy, I couldn’t help feeling so nauseous that I could vomit at any moment.
I sucked in a heavy breath as I tried to calm myself down inside the fitting room.
He said that he loved me now… that he wanted to marry me… But what if Achilles found someone else he liked more than me in the future?
I wasn’t anyone in comparison to him. I couldn’t just force him to stay with me just because I loved him.
The mere thought of him leaving me made it felt like someone was trying to squeeze my heart to death.
As my head started to feel light, a light buzz came from my phone in the corner of the room, drawing me out of my spiraling thoughts ever so slightly.
I glanced over at my phone as Achilles’s name flashed across the screen.
A notification banner popped up with a small image of several paper packets of seeds and the following message: “Jane, look at what I just received! I was speaking to one of my allies from Italy and accidentally mentioned how you were planning to start a garden in our new home. I guess I got a bit distracted by the thought of you during my meeting, but he only laughed at my blunder and ended up giving us a whole bag of seeds from his farm in countryside. I’ve actually never tried gardening before, but I’m sure I’ll like if it means I can spend more time with you. I miss your kisses … and your hugs… and your cooking… and your… Ah, I think I’m rambling… It’s been a bit hard to sleep without you at night… I think it’s because I just miss you too much… You probably won’t see this message until you finish shopping with my mother, but just know that I’m thinking about you and counting down the days until I can finally come back home to see you.”
His words was so full of love that I didn’t even notice when my breathing started to calm down while reading his message. Without even knowing it, he knew all the right words to extinguish all my insecurities.
Wiping my clammy palms, I unlocked my phone and timidly typed out my reply: “I also miss you very much, Achilles. I must admit that it has also been a bit difficult for me without you these last few days. I think I’ve gotten so used to having you around me that I now feel lonely without you, even when I’m not alone… But it worries me that you haven’t been sleeping well these last couple of days. You can’t be losing sleep with such a busy work schedule. It’s not good for you’re health… I know you only have two days left, but would it help if I call before you go bed at night? We could just chat for a bit, but I understand if you’re too tired to do that.”
I quickly sent the message, not wanting to start overthinking my words. I was a bit worried as I watched the thin bar at the top slowly crept across the screen as the message was slowly being sent across the ocean.
Was I being too needy in my message? Maybe I misread his message and he didn’t actually miss me as much as I interpreted it. Maybe-
But, just seconds after the bar disappeared, signaling that the message had been fully sent, my phone suddenly started ringing and Achilles’s profile picture immediately lit up.
A soft smile spread across my lips at the sight as the tension on my chest almost instantly melted away.
Why did I ever doubt his feelings for me when all he has ever done was show me how much I mean to him? He had accepted me with all my faults and patiently waited for me ever step of the way.
All I need to do was put a little more faith in the man who had only ever showed me that he only had eyes for me through not only his words but also his every actions.