I heard her talk about Carl and Bridget, too, mentioning often that Bridget’s father and grandfather were preachers, and never once mentioning that she was half Guatemalan. I also noted how they all talked about their children. I had a number of cousins on both sides of the family, and the male ones were certainly praised for their families, but also how well they were doing in their careers or sporting exploits for the ones still in school, but the girls, apparently the only things of worth they were capable of was getting married and having babies, exclusively in that order.
Whenever one of my aunts would be talking about their grandchildren and notice I was there, they would pat me on the shoulder and assure me I’d meet someone soon, generally using that condescending voice that comes so naturally to some people.
My father did give me the expected talking to. “I hope you’ve got that all out of your system, young lady. When you come home I won’t tolerate that sort of defiance.”
I didn’t say anything, other than “Yes, Daddy.” When he determined I’d been properly chastened he dismissed me, and I went into the kitchen to help my mother and Charlotte. Mom smiled at me, and I felt a connection to her, realizing we’d both been on the receiving end of those lectures more than a few times.
I also was acutely aware that I was going to break my mother’s heart. In Mitch’s arms the decisions seemed so easy, but here, in the house I’d grown up in, next to the woman who’d raised me, I understood why so many stayed in their proverbial closets, and how wanting to be with the person you loved could feel so damn selfish.
It changed nothing about what I planned to do, though. Now that it was so close to reality, I knew more than ever that I couldn’t give what I had with Mitch up. It would be wrong on so many levels, and maybe it would inspire someone else from my little town that there were other options than hiding in the shadows for their entire lives.
The semester ended, and I had one more set of holidays to get through, and I managed to do so, although not without emotion. Mitch’s situation had been finalized, and she was officially scheduled to be a student teacher in Tampa in the fall, and I imagined what my life would be like a year from now, realizing this would be the last Christmas I would have to spend apart from Mitch. It also might be the last I ever spent with my family.
Blessedly, spring semester started, bringing with it my final collegiate tennis season. Coach had told me she had me inked into the number six singles spot, and she wanted me to work with the new freshman as much as possible, which I did, of course. We had another very successful season, and my time on the tennis courts was a blessed relief from the anxiety surrounding the approaching end of school.
If I’d had any lingering doubts about going with Mitch after graduation, they were laid to rest on Senior Day. Mitch’s mom and dad, as well as Carrie’s parents, were all there for our last home match of the season. I still got to walk out and get flowers as everyone in the stadium applauded for me, but I had to do it alone.
My teammates and coaches were there, and the fans, and especially Mitch, but I’d never felt so abandoned. That night Mitch just took me into her arms as I cried and cried. Eventually I fell asleep, and my dreams were a turbulent mess. But throughout there was one thing that was consistent. Wherever Mitch was, there was peace and rest.
I woke up, still in her arms, feeling safe and loved. Mitch’s fingers were running softly up and down my arm as I leaned against her.
She kissed me on the shoulder. “Morning, baby.”
“Good morning. I love you.”
Mitch pulled me close. “I love you, too.”
“Will you do something for me?”
She kissed the back of my head. “Of course, baby. Anything.”
“After graduation, will you come with me back to my parents’ house? Help me get my stuff? I’m not going to take much.”
“Sure. Of course.”
“I’m going to tell them.”
“And you want me there so your dad can shoot me in person?”
I giggled. “That’s unlikely. Besides, Dad keeps his guns unloaded. You should have a sporting chance to run away.”
“Guns, like, plural? How many plurals?”
“Um, two hunting rifles and a handgun. Oh, and a shotgun.”
“Okay, see, when I said I’d go, I was being metaphorical.”
I turned in her arms. “Really? You’d leave me there all alone?” I nuzzled her neck, making her sigh.
“If I’m going to risk my neck, what do I get?”
I kissed down lower, onto her collarbone and chest. “I’d be grateful.”
“Ooh,” she stroked the back of my head as my lips moved over her skin, “How grateful?”
I pushed her onto her back, moving lower, pulling up her tank top and kissing her flat, toned stomach. “Very grateful.”
“Okay, oh, wow, you might be convincing me.”
“I’ll try harder then.” I pulled off her boxers in one clean motion and settled between her legs. I let her flavor wash over me as I suckled her labia and clit, taking her higher and higher. If you’re wondering, I never for one second thought Mitch would let me face my parents alone. I also knew the chances of my father pulling a gun on her were miniscule. A violent temper was not one of my father’s many faults. Still, pretending to convince her was going to be a lot of fun, so I carried on.
We didn’t get out of bed until almost noon, and I shooed Mitch off to the living room. I had work to finish. I knew that if I finished with a four point oh this semester I’d graduate summa cum laude, which had been a goal of mine since Freshman year. Mitch always joked that if I was graduating summa cum laude, she was graduating ‘thank the laude’, but I knew she was rooting for me as hard as anyone.
I also found out that week that I’d been voted onto the first team Academic All SEC team, which was awesome. Our season ending tournaments finished, and there was nothing left in my academic career but graduation. Mitch’s parents came into town the day before, taking Carrie, Mitch and me out to dinner to celebrate. Carrie’s parents and sisters would be here in the morning. She was taking the job in Orlando, where she’d interned, which was awesome, ’cause she’d only be a few hours away from us in Tampa..
It was kind of crazy. The ceremony came, a dazzling display of color and humanity, all packed into Sanford Stadium as Senator Chambliss reminded us that the world is a scary place and challenged us to bring light out of the shadows. It was a culmination of four years of study and change. To say that I was a different person today than I had been that day sprinting to my first class was a massive understatement.
I glanced over my shoulder toward the sea of caps and gowns, knowing the woman I loved was out there somewhere. She’d changed me, just like Coach Holiday and my professors. But no one more than Michelle Kirkpatrick. I think it’s the final mark of adulthood, to stand up and make your own way in the world, to accept responsibility for your choices. Of course, I realized that I was moving into my girlfriend’s parent’s house for a moment, but still. For me it was huge, just like the world was huge.
And then it was over, and Mitch and I were lying in our bed for the last time. The boxes and suitcases were stacked by the front door, and Jack and Stacy would be here first thing in the morning. They’d take the vast majority back with them, and Mitch and I would head to my parent’s house.
They still believed that I was staying. Carl and Bridget knew the truth, but I’d told them to stay away. I didn’t want either of them hit with any stray animosity, although I promised to keep Carl updated, especially if things went sideways.
We made short work of loading Jack’s truck, and by nine o’clock we were outside Athens driving through the Georgia countryside.
“That’s crazy. The dirt in this state really is red, isn’t it?”
I shook my head, appreciating Mitch’s latest attempt at light conversation. “Yeah. Don’t you remember from ‘Gone with the Wind’? The red earth of Tara? You think they were making that up?”
“I don’t know what I thought, but it’s kind of creepy.”
I laughed and looked back out the window, trying to keep my heart rate down. Eventually we pulled into town, and I took a few deep breaths.
Mitch reached over and took my hand. “So what’s the plan?”
“I’m going to go in and talk to them, then I’ll come out and get you.”
“Alright.”
“And if I come out running, start the truck.”
Mitch gave a nervous chuckle. “Check.”
I directed her to my house. She backed into the short driveway. That was probably a good idea, allowing for a much faster getaway if needed. Mitch squeezed my hand. “You’re going to be okay. I’m right here, and I love you.”
The sincerity in her face brought a tear to my eye, and I leaned over and kissed her, taking strength from her touch.
“Okay.” I breathed deep, climbed out of the truck, and went inside.
My dad was sitting in his chair, reading the Sunday paper. He’d already changed out of his church clothes; they generally went to the early service. My mom came out from the kitchen with a smile. “Hello, sweetheart!” She gave me a hug, which I let linger, seeing as it would be my last for a very long time.
My father folded his newspaper and set it aside. “Do you need some help bringing things in, Cindy?”
“No, Dad. I’m not staying.”
His gaze grew icy. “What exactly do you mean by that?”
I forced myself not to drop my gaze. “I’m not moving home, Dad.”
“Where exactly do you expect to be going?”
“I’m moving to Tampa, Florida.” I sucked in a deep breath as my heart thundered in my chest. “With Michelle. She’s doing her student teaching there, and I’m going to get a job. Start my career.”
“You’re moving to a different state to be with your college roommate. You understand how that looks, how it will look to everyone here.” The tone of his voice told me he already had suspicions. I guess I hadn’t been as clandestine as I’d hoped.
“How does it look, Dad?”
“Like you are in a sinful relationship with that woman. I’ve seen her, you know, your doubles partner. People at the plant have shown me pictures from the internet. They’ve asked questions. I assured them you would never sully yourself in that way, that you would not embarrass this family like that. Tell me you haven’t.” His voice was frozen fire, and I could feel the fury building behind it.
“Haven’t what, Dad? Haven’t been with her? That I’m not gay? Is that what you’re worried about?” I glanced at Mom, who’d lowered herself onto the couch, wearing a look of stunned disbelief.