I sat the girls down and made Heather sit with me as I spoke to them. They needed to know why I was sending them in different directions tomorrow. The How of it, what I was going to do myself, would not be for them to know.
Dinner was a silent one; the twins ate, their eyes rolling as the dishes appeared before them. Burgers with wedge fries, sweet and tangy baked beans followed by apple pie.
Nothgn very special, all picked up from a local restaurant, Ms Benz assured me crisply when I thanked her. Heather picked at her food and I had to coax her to eat. It was not the thought of being denied a drink; I sensed the real worry in her as she met my eyes. We ate in silence and when she was done, Diana Benz excused herself and walked to the patio to make a few calls.
*
Left alone with my family, I looked at them. We cleared the table and as we stood in the kitchen, I hugged the twins.
“Anna, Rose, you’re …” my voice faltered and then I continued bravely,” I’ve managed to get a job with a great man, and he’s offered to send you to school. St Annes on the Cliff.”
I waited. The girls shrieked in joy, throwing their arms around each other, eyes wide and then, as one, they hugged me.
“Bee, you’re the greatest! It’s going to be so fun!”
They began to chatter away. I looked at Heather, a strangely subdued Heather. I walked to her, drew her stiff body into my arms and sighed, blinking my tears away,
“Heather, you’ll always be my mum. But I’ve arranged for you to go to the Retreat. ”
And I held her at arm’s length, meeting her eyes as I went on, softly,
“You need to …”
She bit her lip, tears overflowing as she said,
“I know, sweetie, I’ve been an awful mother. If you…”
And she burst into tears, holding me,
“Bianca, you have been the rock after David died on us, you kept us together. I’ll go wherever you send me, my child, my darling daughter!”
The twins had stopped , staring at us and then, they flew at us, throwing their arms around me and their mother.
“Mommie, what’s wrong now?” asked Anna, ever the fretful on.
I laughed through my tears and said,
“Nothing is wrong, darling. Your Mommie just…needs some treatment for her…”
I did not complete. Rose folded her arms and said stiffly,
“For her drinking, you mean. ”
The censure in her eyes as she looked at her mother made me tear up. For a twelve-year-old, she looked like an adult!
Heather sat down heavily.
“I tried, she whispered, but after David…”
“Sssh…” I said,” Don’t worry, just get better and then…we’ll…we will all be together again, as a family”
I saw that Diana Benz had finished her calls and she was standing there, in the doorway, watching us,
Her gaze was steady but full of sympathy as she looked at me.
*
Heather drew me into her arms and I realized that she had become frail, and skinny. When had heat happened, I asked myself, why had I not noticed? But I knew the answer. I had been so busy, juggling the bakery, the debts, the house, the kids’ fees and other expenses, I had not had time to look at my family!
“What about you,’ said Heather and her eyes were startlingly clear and lucid.
“What about you, Bianca?”
I smiled gamely, unable to meet her eyes and lie.
I was a hopeless liar anyway.
.”I’ve got a …” my voice broke but I went on, courageously, avoiding Benz’s steady gaze
,” I’ve got a good job. For a year. So…my employer agreed to my terms…” My voice faded away.
How could I tell my young sisters and my barely there stepmother that I had traded my body, my virginity, for them?
*
After I had settled Heather into one of the rooms with the girls, I opted to use the tiny guest room down the hall. Tossing and turning for hours into the night, I finally gave up the ghost of a fight and rose from the bed.
Maybe, a cup of hot sweet tea, which had been my stress reliever for some time now, would help?
Carefully, I padded down to the kitchen and after scouting the cupboard and shelves, I stood, making myself a cup of hot chai. The grounds outside were still lit in small lights . the night was dark.
“Did you need something?’ said a voice behind me and I all but jumped out of my skin.
It was Diana Benz. She had changed into a sensible long kaftan and smelt vaguely of cigarette smoke.
“Oh…I’m sorry…did I wake you?” I stammered, a hand on my throat.
She sighed and sat at the table, watching me. The large overhead light above the dining table in the kitchen unit, made her face seem mysterious.
She indicated the table.
“Sit down, child,’ but her tone was softer.
I sat down, my hands cold and trembling from the fright I had had, as I wrapped them around the steaming hot cup of tea.
Diana Benz studied me in silence as I sipped the sweet tea, feeling instantly better.
“How old are you, kid?’ she asked bluntly.
I blinked.
“I’m…nineteen…” I said stiffly, unaware of where she was going with her line of questioning.
“You know what you have signed up for, right?” she shot at me and I nodded, my face hot with embarrassment.
“Please…I said quietly,” My family doesn’t know…the details…”
“They seemed like babes in the woods…” she said drily and I heard the unspoken comment in her voice,” like you”
I looked down at the pretty design on the table cover, tracing the poppies with my forefinger.
“You know …what you have signed up for, don’t you, Bianca?’ she said again and I heard the softness in her voice.
I met her eyes, as I said, honestly,
“I had no choice.”
The whole story came out then. I told her about my father, Nelson and his proposal and later, his threat. And how I had had a madcap idea of selling the bakery; which was no longer mine to sell, as I had found out because Nelson had stolen the deeds from Dad.
She said nothing, just listened.
Then, she rose and said, “I will always be at hand. ”
I nodded, biting my lip in trepidation.
She smiled and added,
“Don’t worry. O’Grady is an honorable man; that is, as honourable a man can be in his profession.”
She chuckled without mirth and went on,
” He won’t go back on his word. And St Just is, like his name, a just person, but a little into kink. Paddles and stuff, y’know.”
I felt blackness descend on me.
Did she just say Paddles???
Seeing the horror on my face, she stopped.
“Didn’t you know, child?’
*
In another part of the city, O’Grady was with a group of his old friends, men like him and St Just, who enjoyed keeping s*x pets.
They were an elite, highly selective group for not everyone in society understood their wants.
Now Liam looked over at Jason Brandt, a friend he trusted and a noted surgeon who was into the same kink as he was keeping a pet; not like his brother and he, of course, who zealously guarded their pet and kept her for themselves only.
The code of silence regarding the women they kept was another rule in their group. None of the others knew about the women being kept by the others in the group.
Jason was a bachelor in his forties but very active s*xually, with a new pet every year. He was speaking about the current woman he was keeping and he said, with a laugh,
“F*ck, I could marry her, she’s that incredible!”
His friends laughed but Finn leaned forward and said drily, as he refilled his glass,
“Marriage? To your sub? ”
Jason, his elegant suit as impeccable as ever, nodded and said,
“St Just, I had never thought I would be saying it I myself, but yup. I think it would be ideal.”
And sitting up straighter, he added, looking mystified,
“She makes me feel whole, y’know? Like …a complete man. And it’s not just the f*cking.”
Liam and Finn said nothing, each in their worlds. But the words remained in their minds.
*
Liam O’Grady was thinking of how critical Benz had sounded when she called earlier in the evening. She was a good employee and he trusted her thoroughly. But her scathing indictment of his actions concerning little Ms Cruz had touched him on the raw. He felt uncomfortable as he tried to tamp down the feelings of guilt, of disgust, that did not seem to go away.
Was he committing a f*cking crime? He asked himself in exasperation.
Wasn’t Bianca f*cking Cruz aware of the enormity of her decision?
After all, she was nineteen years old!
But the thoughts kept going around in his head and he felt …guilty…