Lillian hadn’t talked to Ethan for long.
But even those brief one or two minutes felt unbearable for Conrad.
Especially since he wasn’t nearly as calm and understanding as he liked to think he was.
What was that nonsense about her wanting to be with him, so he’d just accept it?
No way.
No matter how composed he tried to appear, inside he was already spiraling – spiraling into a jealousy so wild and relentless it consumed him.
Like tangled thorns that tightened the more he struggled.
And there he stood – stranded on a vast, empty plain – waiting for vultures to come to pick him apart, to tear into his flesh until his blood soaked into the earth.
Until his ribs cracked open, exposing every desperate desire, every bitter struggle, every tortured jealousy – all swallowed up and destroyed.
Only then would he seal himself away in a hardened shell, cold and unfeeling.
He stood there, his chest feeling like it had forgotten how to rise and fall.
His mind wouldn’t stop racing.
What were they talking about?
Were they planning to leave?
Were they saying he was annoying? That they couldn’t wait to get rid of him?
With each new thought, his breathing grew more labored.
He tried to take deeper breaths, forcing air into his lungs.
But no matter how hard he tried, that suffocating fear and jealousy kept crashing over him, wave after wave.
It wasn’t until Lillian called his name for the third time that he finally snapped back to reality.
“What are you spacing out for? Are you tired?”
Conrad stared at her, his eyes fixed, countless words tangled in his throat. He wanted to ask – wanted to know if Ethan was coming back.
But at that moment, he didn’t know how to put it into words.
Lillian reached out and touched his forehead. “Your temperature’s normal… Why are you sweating so much?”
Conrad’s voice came out dry and hoarse. “Is he coming back?”
“Who?” Lillian asked blankly. “Oh… no, not yet. Phyllis’s still in surgery – he can’t leave for now.”
Conrad lowered his gaze. “So he put you second… or third… or maybe even fourth.”
Lillian didn’t want to talk about Ethan with him.
“You said you wanted to take me and Jasmine to visit my grandma’s grave, didn’t you? Let’s go together.”
For a moment, Conrad thought he must’ve misheard her. “You… you want to go with me?”
“Didn’t we already agree on this before? Besides, you’ve been visiting her for me all these years. If you don’t go, she’ll be really sad.” Lillian still remembered that, back then, her grandma had actually liked him quite a lot.
As she walked past him, she glanced back and saw him still standing there, dazed. Without saying anything, she smiled and walked into the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Conrad’s mind was a complete mess.
When he stepped outside to check on Ada, he couldn’t help but call George.
It took a while for the other side to pick up. George’s voice sounded hoarse, like he was sick, and his tone was impatient. “What now?”
“Lillian’s acting weird today.”
“Weird how?”
“First, she said she wanted to cook for me and Jasmine. Then she invited me to go grocery shopping with her. Do you know what that means? She invited me to go grocery shopping.”
“… And then?”
“Then after she talked to Ethan on the phone, she suddenly said she wanted me to go visit her grandma’s grave with her. George… what does that mean?”
“What do you think it means?”
“If I knew, would I be asking you?” Conrad was completely lost. He couldn’t figure it out at all. “I feel like something must’ve happened while I was asleep… but I can’t put my finger on it. What could’ve possibly changed her attitude so suddenly?”
George also seemed puzzled.
Conrad stared into the distance, his face darkening. “Do you think… she’s planning to fight me for custody of Jasmine? Then she’ll marry Ethan, and the four of them will live as a family… without me.”
Conrad continued, “That must be it. Whenever she wanted something before, she never told me directly. Instead, she’d do things I liked, trying to please me. Even if she wasn’t happy, she’d still smile and go along with me just to get what she wanted.”
Whatever George said next, Conrad didn’t even hear it.
His mind was already filled with the worst possible outcome – Lillian taking Jasmine away and having Jasmine call that guy Ethan ‘Dad.’
He wouldn’t even be able to keep Jasmine by his side.
Conrad shook his head, feeling like his vision was starting to blur.
It wasn’t until Ada licked his hand through the railing – its rough tongue scraping against his skin – that Conrad finally snapped out of it a little.
By the time Lillian brought the soup out, Jasmine had already finished her bath and hadn’t seen Conrad yet.
Jasmine girl came dashing out, her small feet tapping loudly against the floor as she ran to find him.
“Daddy!” Jasmine flung her arms around him. “Daddy, what are you doing out here? Mommy said it’s time to eat!”
Conrad’s brows twitched slightly.
“Daddy, what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?”
He reached out to touch her, but Jasmine clung tightly to him, her big eyes staring up at him like little grapes. “Daddy? Are you sad?”
“No.”
“You are sad. I can tell.” Jasmine insisted, then suddenly let go of his hand and ran back toward the dining room. “Mommy! Daddy’s sad!”
She rushed over to Lillian, who glanced toward the yard. Her eyes met Conrad’s across the distance.
By now, night had fallen, and only a faint glow remained in the sky.
He stood behind the railing with Ada, his eyes filled with sadness and something even more fragile – something broken.
In those eyes, Lillian saw emotions she couldn’t quite understand. He looked at her, and this time, he didn’t look away.
For some reason, Lillian felt like the sea breeze made everything feel a little colder. His hair shifted slightly with the wind, and his shirt clung tightly to him.
He was still Conrad – but somehow, he wasn’t the same Conrad anymore.
“Mommy, can you go ask Daddy to come inside and eat?” Jasmine asked, tilting her head up.
Lillian nodded, then slowly walked toward him.
“Dinner’s ready,” she said softly when she reached him.
Conrad kept looking at her the same way he always did. Then, slowly, he leaned forward, almost hunching his shoulders as he rested his head against her shoulder.
“Lillian, my chest feels… tight.”
“Should I call a doctor?”
“No… they can’t help me.”
In this whole world, only you can save me.
Please… save me.
I’m barely holding on.
“Can I hold you? Just for a moment… just once.” His voice trembled with restraint.
Lillian didn’t refuse. The next second, he pulled her into his arms with sudden force, holding her tightly.
His breaths were filled with her scent – that familiar fragrance that had always been the best sedative for him.
It was the one thing that could soothe his restless soul.
His anxiety, that suffocating weight inside him, slowly eased with her in his arms.
He didn’t hold on for too long. When Jasmine came bounding out, he let her go.
Then, acting like nothing had happened, he joined the kids for dinner. Afterward, the two little ones ran off to play in the basement.
Conrad had turned his old gym into a children’s playroom, and Jasmine could spend hours down there without getting bored.
Lillian occasionally glanced at the kids, then instinctively looked at Conrad. He kept smiling faintly, but that smile felt thin and hollow. The shadows under his eyes and the gloom in his gaze lingered no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
Maybe he sensed someone watching him, because Conrad sluggishly turned his head. When he saw Lillian, his eyes lit up for a brief second – only to dim again just as quickly.
His hand started to tremble.
That was a warning sign – a sign of an episode coming on.
Before she could say a word, Conrad abruptly stood up.