I spent the next twenty minutes getting Carl and Bridget’s story. My brother works for NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, at Gray’s Reef off the coast of Savannah. As a side hustle he leads diving groups on the weekends, which was where they’d met. Apparently she went on three of his diving trips before she worked up the nerve to try to talk to him.
“So why aren’t Mom and Dad going to like her?”
“Other than them being racist? She’s a couple of years older than me, not nearly as religious as they’d probably like, and she has a gay older brother.”
“Oh, wow. Yeah. It’s going to be interesting.”
“And we’re living together.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Cindy!” I could hear the playful remonstrance in Carl’s voice.
“What, you’re living in sin and you’re worried about me using bad language? Perspective, please. Do they know?”
That got a sarcastic laugh from my brother. “Absolutely not.”
We all started laughing, and we started speculating on whether or not that information would kill Mom or Dad first, which was when Mitch came back into the room. I’d completely forgotten that was going to happen.
“Hey, babe, I thought I said no clothes.”
Fear spiked through my body at her mocking remonstrance.
“Hi, Michelle, it’s my brother and his girlfriend!” I made a desperate face at her, and I saw her eyes go wide as she realized what she’d just done.
“Who’s that?” Carl’s voice sounded confused. God, maybe he hadn’t heard.
“That’s my roommate. She went out for Chinese. Michelle, this is my brother Carl and his girlfriend Bridget.” I was trying not to panic as I held up the phone so they could see each other.
“Hello!” She waved at the screen. Mitch’s voice was scared, too. Luckily, she had enough sense not to try to explain away what she’d said.
“Well, my dinner is here, and I’m pretty hungry, so I’ll see you in a few weeks?” God, please just let me hang up.
“Sure, sis. See you then. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Nice to meet you, Bridget!” She waved ‘bye” and I hit the red disconnect icon.
Mitch was grinning at me sheepishly from her desk chair. “So, how bad was that?”
“I don’t think he noticed? I mean, I really hope he didn’t hear or understand.” I buried my head in my hands and started laughing. “He’s all worried because he thinks Mom and Dad won’t approve of him living with his slightly older, half Guatemalan girlfriend. He’s bringing her to Thanksgiving. If he only knew.”
“Well, you could come out. It’d take all the pressure off him.” I stopped laughing, and Mitch’s face fell at my pained expression. “Damn, I’m sorry, Cindy.”
“No, it’s okay. I just, um,” my face twisted with emotion, and in a flash Mitch was there and holding me close. I climbed up into her lap, letting the tears come, while my lover and best friend rocked me gently in her arms.
“Shh, shh, Baby, I’ve got you, I love you. Oh, Sweetheart.” I’d never heard so much concern in Mitch’s voice, and I took several great gulping breaths, trying to steady myself, to get control, as much for her as myself.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” My voice wasn’t steady, but at least I was intelligible.
“Of course you do, Sweetheart.”
I took a moment to gather myself. “I’ll never be able to take you home. They may not like Bridget, but they’ll accept her eventually. Not us though. Never us.”
Mitch held me close. “Don’t say never. Besides, my parents are going to love you. Actually, they already do.”
I looked up into her lovely blue eyes. “You told your parents about me?”
“Of course. They can’t wait to meet you.”
I rested back against her. Would I trade my family for this? I couldn’t answer that yet. Luckily, I didn’t have to make that decision tonight.
***
I slipped out while Mitch was still sleeping in the morning, and I didn’t see her again till that afternoon when we were meeting to work out. She smiled at me when I walked into the locker room, and I wondered if she was nervous about where my head was at regarding us.
I wanted to put that to bed, so I smiled back, walked up and kissed her. There were several other girls from the team in the room, including Carrie. Obviously Mitch and my relationship wasn’t a secret anymore, and I remembered what Carrie had said. The best way to reassure Mitch that we were okay was to touch her, and to let her touch me. Which I didn’t mind at all. The kiss was relatively chaste, but I let her hug me for a good while.
She wasn’t in any hurry to let me go, but when we did separate she asked if I was okay, and I told her I was now, watching her smile light up her eyes.
Thanksgiving break finally arrived, and I couldn’t remember being so nervous going home. I’d managed to get a ride off the online carpool board, so I didn’t have to be worried about one of the parents coming to get me and meeting Mitch. Dad was at work, but Mom seemed to be happy I was home, mostly because I volunteered to go pick up my little sister after school, I think.
There was this massive disconnect from my last visit. The biggest thing I’d been hiding then was that I was friends with a lesbian. Something that would have gotten looks of disapproval, but nothing more. Now I knew I was a lesbian, which would likely get me thrown out of the house.
Luckily Charlotte, my sister, was her usual bubbly self, amplified with the fact that she’d just started her long weekend. I took her over to the Dairy Queen and we got sundaes and sat and talked. She was eleven now, and I noticed that boys were starting to seep into our conversations. When she asked me about college guys I lied, saying I was taking a break from men, without implying I intended that break to be lifelong.
Dad was home when we got back. He acknowledged my presence with a few perfunctory questions, barely looking at me while I answered. He dismissed me by telling me Mom needed help with dinner.
“So, are you seeing anyone?”
“I’m taking a break from guys, Mom. Trying to focus on my studies”
“Cindy, college is the largest group of single men you’ll find, all with excellent earning potential. You need to take advantage of that. You can’t get back together with that nice boy you dated last year?”
“No, mom. And that’s what I’m supposed to look for in a partner? Earning potential?”
She closed her eyes and looked down. “Sweetheart, I know you’re young, and you don’t understand. You want the Disney fairytale. It doesn’t exist. If you want a good life, you find a good, kind man, who’ll support you and give you children.”
“Is that what you did?”
“Your father has always been good to me, Cindy. I’ve never wanted for anything. He gave me you, and your brother and sister. I have a good life.”
“Do you love him?”
“Of course I do. Being in love fades Cindy. Love is something you do. I support him, I run his house, raise his children, and give him a place to come home to. Someone who, well, that’s love, Sweetheart.”
“Mom, I don’t need someone to support me. I’m going to finish college, and I’m going to be able to work and support myself.”
“Cindy. Men don’t want that. Men don’t want women who are better at sports than they are or make more money than them. They want someone they can take care of. A girl who needs them, and, um, gives herself to them.”
“Mom!?” She was blushing hard. We’d never had ‘the talk’ about sex. She’d walked me through my first period and bought me my first bra, but sex was taboo. Hearing her even mention it in passing was stunning.
“You’re old enough to know. That’s part of it. Whether you want it to be or not.”
“Well I don’t. Not right now.” I had to make myself add the last bit, and luckily our discussion was cut off by the kitchen timer, and I made sure it didn’t start again after dinner.
That night was bad. It was the first night I’d spent not wrapped up in Mitch’s arms since well, you remember. I finally sent her a text a little after eleven.
Me — I hate not being with you.
Mitch — Me too. You open your suitcase yet?
Me — No. Why?
Mitch — Just do it.
I slid out of bed and padded over to the wall where it was, laying it down and unzipping it. I pulled the cover up and saw it, one of Mitch’s shirts, lying on top of my clothes.
Me — You rascal. Thank you.
Mitch — I didn’t even wash it.
I put it up to my nose and breathed it in. I could smell her, and that made me smile. I climbed back between my sheets, holding her shirt close.
Me — I love you.
Mitch — I know.
I giggled and shook my head at the Han Solo reference. What is it about rakes that women find so attractive? I guess it isn’t the rake; it’s the heart of gold underneath. Mitch had a heart of gold. And it was all mine. I snuggled in with her shirt and fell asleep.
***
Carl and Bridget arrived in the morning, which took ninety-nine percent of the focus off of me and my overly progressive ways. Even I could see how nervous Carl was when they walked in the door. Bridget seemed to be playing it cool, though, and I got a big hug from both of them.
To be honest I don’t really want to write down all of the things my parents said over the next few hours. Of course, they didn’t just hurl outright insults, but they were condescending and disapproving towards her. Maybe it was when they asked if her mother, who had graduated from Clemson, spoke English, or if she (Bridget) was in the country legally.
It was eye opening. They had no problem being generous or magnanimous to other races so long as they could look on them as disadvantaged. But seeing one sitting at the dinner table, not just as an equal, but presuming to be worthy of their son, that was something different. It was an ugliness that I’d always been aware of, on some level, at least, but seeing it play out with my brother’s heart in the balance was awful.
Unfortunately I wasn’t able to ask her the questions I really wanted to, about her older brother and how he got along with her family. Not only would it be suspicious if I were too curious, she hadn’t volunteered the information that her brother was gay. I couldn’t blame her for that.